THE HEROES
| Elton John | For playing a blinding 3 hour set in the pissing rain last week and managing to play all the hits. Lovely intimate gig and he signed autographs after. I was disappointed that he didn't have a tantrum on stage and throw is grand piano at someone but you can't have everything. |
| Estelle | She has the voice of an angel and the figure and grace of a supermodel, plus her new single is fabulous. Makes me wanna get me dancing shoes on! |
| Eastenders production team | The recent scene where the new busty new girl had champagne thrown over her cleavage was outstanding - great work boys |
| Emma Thompson | For phoning up Miramax studios and telling them she'd quit the film of Brideshead Revisited if they carried on nagging Hayley Attwell to lose weight. Brilliant! Especially as Miramax is run by the sweaty, seedy and massively overweight Harvey Weinstein. |
| Ellen McCarthy | For having the good grace to be at the finish line when her world record was beaten. Especially as it was a frenchman that beat her. |
| Elgoods Brewery | For producing 'Golden Newt'. One of the best beers I've tasted in 35 years of drinking. |
| Eddie "Bozo" Miller | Has died aged EIGHTY NINE and was the World's greatest eater. 27 2lb chickens in one go. Top man. |
| Ennio Morricone | Because quite simply, he's a fucking genius. His epic, sweeping, emotive scores for films such as The Untouchables, Once Upon A Time In America, The Good The Bad And The Ugly and Cinema Paradiso are legendary, and of course, not forgetting, The Mission - an immense muscial masterpiece. This man is what music is all about, and really puts bands such as the aforementioned Reverend & The Makers, Scouting For Girls etc. into perspective. What a man. |
| Eileen Atkins in Cranford | Even with a large beribboned basket on her head, she's a masterclass in understated acting. You can keep your wailing, emoting american method cunts; one flick of Dame Eileen's eyebrows knocks them all into a cocked (straw) hat. |
| Emmanuelle Beart | Reason The First: The most beautiful creature to ever grace this planet. Reason The Second: Tremendous actress Reason The Third: over 40 but still has the body of a 20 year old Reason The Fourth: She's French and although normally this is a bad thing, the hating the French rule never applies to french women. Ever. Reason The Fifth: Filth, you can just tell. Keep up keeping the old boy up love. |
| Elmore Leonard | Get Shorty, Jackie Brown, Out Of Sight all written by the greatest crime novelist in years... and he's fucking 80 YEARS OLD! |
| English sporting types | for raising the bar from 'useless' to 'mostly useless' It's a start... |
| Emily Deschanel | For looking foxy while wearing surgical gloves and holding a human skull. It's like they looked into my dreams. Although David Boreanaz wasn't in my dream looking smug. |
| Elvis | You can knock him down,step on his face,slander his name all over the place,in fact you can do anything,but for fucks sake don't tread on his blue suede shoes |
| Earwanking | You know the score, 1x Slightly itchy ear moist with a little wax. 1x Index finger (not too much nail) Insert the latter into aforementioned ear, and shake it around vigorously whilst driving it deep. Sheer euphoric bliss that will leave you gasping for more. |
| Earl Grey | For making great tea |
| Eric Morcambe | Best 'dad' role model ever. |
| Exs on Facebook | Oh the sheer joy of an ex finding you on facebook - you check out their picture and you realise what a fucking lucky escape you've had! It's about a billion times better than farting, thinking you've followed through/drawn mud/etc and then having a little looksee and discovering to your relief and joy that you haven't shat yourself. |
| Eddie Van Halen | for composing the great guitar solo Eruption... the soundtrack to World War III |
| Evan Davis, | Aka Tinsel Tits.... Thanks to him, I now rather enjoy economics. |