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Giles Coren For his review of Goodfellas restaurant in Belfast:
"I'd have guessed I was eating thin strips of mole poached in Ovaltine...Ms Workman said it was inedible but, to be honest, as it sits before me, congealing quietly, I cannot leave it alone but return to it every few minutes with the grim fascination of a toddler mesmerised by a pile of its own faeces, nibbling at it, gurning with revulsion, then nibbling some more. If you've ever sniffed your finger after scratching your arse, and then done it again, then this dish may not be entirely wasted on you"

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COMMENTS
kwebb on Thu 03 April 2008 said...
This guy is a grade A cunt who will never be as funny as his dad. Saw him at the cricket at Lords last year wailing "why won't somebody buy me some champagne" like a grizzling ponce.
fuckwit on Thu 03 April 2008 said...
Should a man who sniffs his poo-stained fingers be trusted with doing restaurant reviews?
Token on Thu 03 April 2008 said...
He may be a cunt, but it is well put! I regularly sniff my fingers twice...
CUNTFROTH on Thu 03 April 2008 said...
Dunno who he is but they've successfully sued before... http://www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/news/local-national/article2252876.ece
FlashyVic on Thu 03 April 2008 said...
Overturned on appeal,Cuntfroth. Mind you, what where they expecting in that shitehole area of Belfast,the Ritz?
HeroicDose on Thu 03 April 2008 said...
He can probably kiss goodbye to his kneecaps then. Giles. For fuck's sake. They should have refused to serve him based purely on the cuntiness of his name. Or just served him a pig plate of steaming shit. Oh...
Kitty on Thu 03 April 2008 said...
Giles Coren and his sister have both become famous by hangng off the coat tails of their late Father. Neither will ever be as witty either, despite them trying SO hard. Kwebb: If Id have seen him braying, "Why won't somebody buy me some champaaaaaaaaaaaaagne" Id have stuck a jereboam bottle up his ringpiece.
Kitty on Thu 03 April 2008 said...
Jeroboam, even. *tut*
BarristerBabyBatter on Thu 03 April 2008 said...
I like to sniff the toilet roll before I put it in the bog.
PennyCentury on Thu 03 April 2008 said...
Giles Coren is a great big north London, weasel featured, coke addled, self important, cushy jobbed, fives playing, witless twat.
Foritishe on Thu 03 April 2008 said...
If Coren's preening daughter (so memorable, I've forgotten her first name) was made of chocolate, she'd eat herself. Father must be spinning in his grave.
stun on Thu 03 April 2008 said...
I give the tiolet roll a good examination to. I explore the luxuriant feel of the shite between the folds, rub it slowly and seductively between my finger and thumb. Then I examine the contents - a small shard of glass here, a car numberplate there, several pieces of barbed wire and even a bootlace ... how fascinating. Then I get some of the heady aroma - rich, invogorating and earthy. After doing this, I smear the contents onto the walls and doors ... why should the whole planet be denied this exquisite pleasure? Why don't we do as dogs do and smell each others conkers? What exactly is the problem with sniffing the product of your anus and glorifying in it's unique pleasure? My missus goes mad, because she has to clean it up.
PennyCentury on Thu 03 April 2008 said...
Ah the Dirty Protest - such an underused form of self expression.
kwebb on Thu 03 April 2008 said...
Tea - meet screen!
Chowmean on Thu 03 April 2008 said...
If you want a review of a shit restaurant, its Bibendum. Biggest pile of overrated, expensive, shit cooking Ive ever had the misfortune to taste. I could have soled my shoes with the 'breast of Mallard', run six miles, and it wouldnt have made an impression on either paw. Give me a bowl of the Co-op Chicken and Rabbit mutt food anyday. PS their Creme Brulee is also crap.
yosemitesam on Thu 03 April 2008 said...
Stun you crack me up!
NotGot on Thu 03 April 2008 said...
When we have the Revolution and I'm in charge, I shall appoint Stun as minister of both propaganda and the arts...
PennyCentury on Thu 03 April 2008 said...
Best reason for no revolution EVAH!11!!!!1!!!11Lolcat!11!!!
nosensenofeeling on Fri 04 April 2008 said...
Stun = HM's very own Byron
Barbersmith on Fri 04 April 2008 said...
Stun - are you a shark? Kitty - exactly what I was going to say. Good on you both.
bystander on Fri 04 April 2008 said...
The Giles cartoons were reasonably funny in an Express kind of way.
chinky on Sat 05 April 2008 said...
Victoria Coren. Wrote the shite self-satisfied smug-arse book about making a porn film.
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