THE HEROES
| Steve Coogan | For going on tour again and promising Alan Partridge and Paul Calf amongst others. |
| Gram Parsons | Got kicked out of Nashville for daring to do country versions of soul songs. Taught Keef country music, allthough Keef did teach him the joys of smack in return, Worked with the Stones and the Byrds on their least successful albums. Found dead in a hotel room with a groupie showing ice cubes up his arse to revive him from his O.D. The autopsy was unable to determine if it was the morphine, brandy, cocaine, or amphetamines which killed him. Had a strange death pact with a roadie which led to his corpse being exhumed and drunkenly driven to, and burried under the Joshua tree. Oh and made some cracking records too, and created a genre as well. |
| Neil Young | greatest singer / songwriter and guitar player in the whole wide world ever. |
| The HM interviewer | For taking a very sneaky look at Jennifer's tits when interviewing her. sly dog. |
| BBC News website | for the headline 'Great Tits respond well to warming' |
| David Bowie | Best UK pop artist ever. Puts any recent vocalist to shame. |
| iron man | finally a celluloid super hero not afraid to kill motherfuckers. thanks for not disappointing me champ. ok haters, bring on the responses... |
| short weeks | unavoidable but extremely welcome side effects of long weekends |
| Ravi Bopara | This young English cricketer has turned down a six figure contract to play a few cricket matches in the Indian Premier League in order to establish himself in the England team. Imagine if this was football. Ashley Cole would have accepted the contract quicker than you can say "vibrating phone." I'm really chuffed to see that there are some young sportsmen who are playing for the game and not for money. |
| Thriller re-release | For the voiceover "and now a behind-the-scenes treat with Michael and producer Quincy Jones". |
| OK Magazine | For the cover story "Kerry Kantona: How I lost 2 stone on the Special K diet". As we knew all along |
| R Kellys 'Trapped in the closet' | Most unintentionally hilarious 'hip-hopera' ever. Probably the only one come to think of it. |
| Britney | For pissing $61 million up the wall in less than 6 months....then getting her Dad to come and sort it all out. That's the way to do it. |
| brian blessed | on Have I got News For You. Completely bonkers. Made Alan Duncan look like a cunt (MORE like a cunt acutally). Fucking legend. |
| Keeley Hazell | 2 reasons spring to mind. |
| BBC Sport | For the headline: "Zara shows off her swanky new horsebox". |
| Baby | because nobody puts Baby in the corner. |
| James Randi | Despite having an amusing surname he has done a terrific job of disproving an awful lot of nonsense. Also his beard is worth a mention |
| Peter Petrelli (Heroes) | The best of all the Heroes characters and fucking hot to boot. I would quite like him whizzing up inside me. And his brother Nathan too, double ended by 2 heroes. Yes please. |
| Bank Holiday Weekend | Because it's blatantly obvious and I know someone will get it posted, so it might as well be me. |