| Neil Diamond is beginning to look like a GP.
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| Reformed alcoholics need 95% less holiday spending money than the average person.
|
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| It's impossible to rub suntan lotion onto a woman's back without thinking about jizzing on it.
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| Christiano Ronaldo will cry at some point in the next 3 weeks
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| Nobody knows why friendsreunited bothers staying open. They only just dropped their charging scheme... dumb, four-years-too-late, hopelessly outclassed cunts.
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| Usher needs to calm the fuck down
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| Sharon Osbourne anouncing she's quitting X Factor has become as much a traditional part of the British Summer as shit weather and old men wanking in a park.
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| If you are milling about in a public place in the USA and a famous actor barges you out of the way as he runs past, look behind you for the actor that is chasing him, before continuing your meander.
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| It is possible to be a music lover without being an opinionated prick.
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| Evicted X Factor Acts: When your mentor tells you "It doesn't matter because you've got a great future ahead of you, and I'm going to work with you every step of the way", they really mean it. Just ask Futureproof.
Or Hope.
Or Eton Road.
The Conway Sisters.
Or those two bellends.
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| gaydar is useless in Italy
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| fat people look stupid playing the drums.
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| A rarely-worn tuxedo will have inexplicably shrunk in the wardrobe by next time you try to put it on.
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| As shite as Hollyoaks is, it does reflect one universal truth - that girls are attracted to ugly, thick, rapist-looking cuntwads.
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| No one puts unwanted kittens and a house brick into a bin bag and throws it in a river anymore.
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| People!!!!!!!! who use loads!!!!!! of exclamation marks!!!!!!!!!
should fuck off.
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| If Google broke, and facebook didn't work, this site would be a lot more successful.
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| every draw in your house contains 5 odd socks, a takeaway menu, a screwdriver and a very old mint.
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| Every member of the BB house will be in Cunts Corner by Tuesday.
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| Being a vane, arrogant, wanker with a twat of a haircut, or a freak increases your chances of getting in BB by 100%.
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