| Eddie Murphy can't resist playing several roles in one movie. None of them are good.
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| copying someone doesn't make you like them
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| The bigger the umbrella, the bigger the cunt carrying it.
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| you are always bursting for a piss 20mins before the alarm goes off
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| the last muller rice is the canteen fridge is always apple flavour
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| The less people working in Foxtons when I walk past in the morning, the happier I tend to feel
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| The only people who think the V festival is an actual festival watch GMTV
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| You've never seen proper suffering until you've seen a woman lugging a hoover round while you're recovering from flu on the sofa.
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| Technology has made life considerably easier over the years - except for hiding porn, in which case everybody knows its on your PC.
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| Watching hardcore pornography with 'Magic FM' on in the backround will make you cry.
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| Watching Brandon Flowers shitting himself whilst performing live is a lot more entertaining than the actual music
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| As sure as the sun is out, "lads" will always bad-mouth 'fat birds' while spectacularly displaying their own flabby, pale, hairy torsos in the local chav pub.
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| All men have done the 'buffalo-bill', tuck your knob between your legs thing from Silence of the Lambs, to see what you'd look like if you were a girl.
However, only us genuine film fans have done it while wearing a cape made from human skin.
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| As musicians age they turn into celebrity chef lookalikes.
Bono is becoming Anthony Worrell Thompson
Nigel Kennedy is Gary Rhodes and Toyah is Sophie Grigson.
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| Every man thinks of John Virgo when attempting a trick shot on a snooker or pool table.
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| If someone has an e-mail address where their name is represented exactly, without additional numbers, either have a very unusual name or were a geek ten years ago.
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| Fat brides are always funny.
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| actors who leave popular series to broaden their horizens eventually end up on BBC's Hotel Babylon.
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| No one ever did anything 'to see what would happen' we all had a feral idea when we did it
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| The quality of a celebrity event can be determined by the quality of brands adorning the press board.
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