| Theres no place like home. (unless you live in a modern apartment/estate in which case next door is pretty fucking similar)
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| People at my A&E, each time you come up to the doctors desk and ask how long it is before you will be seen the further I will move your file down the pile .
People with heart attacks never come to the desk and they get seen first, do you see how it works?
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| Ryanair: The ITV2 of aviation.
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| Calling an online game Second Life is rather presumptuous as most of the players don''t even have a first one
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| A watched tot never soils
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| Men - if i don''t call you back don''t assume something terrible has happened to me! The only terrible thing happening is your constant text messages.
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| Smoking or breathing freely. Menthol smokers you may choose ONE or the other. Not both.
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| X box = eX boyfriend
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| The meek shall inherit the earth. If that's ok with you.
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| Violence: it's all the rage.
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| Never explain and never apologise.
And by that I mean don't feel you need to justify your actions. I didn't make that clear. Sorry.
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| 2 bongs don't make a night
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| If you want to get a message to the enite nation i.e. smoking Ban in 2007. Save the millions you would have spent on an advertising campaign and simply get it referenced on Eastenders, Corrie and maybe get Ant and Dec to do a sketch about it.
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| It is impossible to have a debate about the pros and cons of the USA without the phrase "all be speaking German right now" being uttered.
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| Gordon Ramsey has some worryingly homosexual bad habits. For example:
1 - Constantly muttering "Fuck me"
2 - Calling other men "Big Boy"
3 - Taking his shirt off at EVERY opportunity on camera
Also, he''s a cook.
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| Daytime TV is God''s punishment for throwing a sickie.
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| Emmerdale stars
Just because you can get away with rape in a story line doesnt mean you can get away with it on holiday.
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| A mans penis shrinks by at least 5 inches once he becomes your Ex
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| If you be white an` English an` middle class an` shit, you ain`t got no business to be speaking like this, know what I`m sayin`?
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| Male rape - for when giving him a kicking simply isn't enough
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