| Cats like houses better than they like people.
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| the happier someones myspace page is the more likely they cry themselves to sleep at night
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| If, when you glance through the pages of OK or Hello magazine, you have never heard of most of the "celebrities", chances are you are leading a very rewarding and fulfulling life.
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| There is only ever one monopoly commission.
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| Having a smoking section in a bar is like having a pissing section in a swimming pool.
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| They say you are never more than 20 yards from a rat.
The same is true of women wearing silver Tiffany rip off heart necklaces.
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| There''s a certain irony to the word ''Lisp''
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| Ryanair: less an airline and more a psychological experiment into how much humiliation people will stand in return for getting something cheap.
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| A problem shared is tomorrow's gossip
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| Alcohol is just a legal rohypnol.
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| 'Nonsense' is a posh word for 'bollocks'.
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| Tradition is a posh word for nonsense.
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| It's good to see that with their £19.00 suit, Asda have found a niche court appearance market.
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| To all spotty teenage chavs driving suped-up Vauxhall Novas. Don't bother putting that 'max power' sticker in your window - you might as well put up a sign that says 'pull me over, I''m carrying a very small amount of shit weed'.
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| Muslims: Why not say heaven is like the playboy mansion - that'll get numbers up. oh wait you already do except in your version to get there you have to blow yourselves up and all the bunnies are virgins...
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| Christians. Why not say heaven is like the playboy mansion. That''ll get your attendence figures up. And let''s be honest, there''s as much truth in that statement as there is in the rest of the bullshit you peddle.
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| The phrase `War on Terror` must* be preceded by the expression `so-called`.
*Unless you are the president of some parts of the United States, in which case neither the rules of grammar nor morality apply.
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| Rapists: Stop. Think. Wank.
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| Never mix the grape and the grain.
Alpen.
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| Theres no place like home. (unless you live in a modern apartment/estate in which case next door is pretty fucking similar)
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