| X Factor contestants: The amount of family members you bring to the audition is inversely proportional to your chances of getting through to the next round.
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| Even if you're wife tells you that she doesn't mind you looking at porn, she does really.
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| Steven Seagal will never run out of cool sounding film titles.
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| You always are happy when you realise you are taller than your mum
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| Even as a mature man, you will always find it amusing and challenging jet-washing poo from the side of the pan with your wee.
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| Nobody really knows if you can freeze a Bee, tie a legnth of string to it, bring it back to life and keep it as a pet...
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| Indicators on BMW's are an optional extra.
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| You cant open a yogurt without the first centimetres of peeled back foil exploding over your trousers and making it look like you've just came on your pants.
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| No matter where you see a live gig, no matter what the male to female ratio is, and no matter what kind of accents exist, whenever a crowd is asked to sing along to a band, they will always sound the exact same.
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| NO ONE CARES IF YOU 'WOULD'!
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| All soap characters must own a mobile in the "flip phone" design, and must snap it shut in satisfaction/frustration on completion of the call.
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| Buying a tub of Princess Di's margarine and keeping it safe and sound won't make you the fortune you had anticipated. (As I have found to my cost and I've a horrible feeling it's passed it's sell by date)
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| Spend more than an hour on a motorway and you will always see a college mini bus towing a trailer full of canoes, even in Coventry.
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| At the end of every party theres always a girl crying.
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| Putting peanut butter on brown bread is one of the 7 deadly sins, alongside rape
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| If you go to a 'media' party in a West London pub you can guarantee the gents will have at least 5 blokes queing for the cubicles and at least 5 vacant urinals.
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| After you've quickly thrown potential kids over your thumb in the loo for the 4th time today whilst your girlfriend is watching Corrie... she decides that she wants the fucking of her life. Thanks. It's not going to happen.
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| in the popbitch question of the day, some unfunny fucker will always make reference to madeleine mccann
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| Nothing in life is cuter then a sleeping cat in a minature bowler hat.
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| No matter what your age, gender or sexual preference, you will be vaguely fascinated by Liz McDonald's tits.
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