| The difference between animal lover and mentalist is 3 cats
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| Every man should have his back waxed, just once. Its a revelation akin to seeing the earth from space.
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| The difference between a wife and a girlfriend is about about 3 shags a week.
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| The difference between a husband and a boyfriend is about 3 stone.
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| 'Real people' in bathroom-cleaner adverts will always have filthy brown surfaces which haven't been cleaned for weeks. Their toilets, however, will always be completely free of floaters and skidmarks.
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| If it's advertised on LivingTV it's unlikely that this is the qualification which will change your career and/or life
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| When women's magazines say it's beneficial to share your fantasies with your partner, they don't mean the ones about having a pet predator or picking folk off with a sniper rifle.
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| The difference between a dog and a fox is 4 pints
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| The two things that never stop being funny are streakers and dogs hanging out of car windows
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| Everyone has had a dream before that they will never ever tell anyone about.
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| The funniest thing ever is a dog in sunglasses
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| The easiest way to get a rule on HM is to pretend it has been written by a woman.
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| Its impossible not to pick an almost healed scab
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| there are twice as many nipples in the world as there are people
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| When looking at porn at work always make sure the volume of your computer is off.
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| Nobody has heard of anyone being mugged for their trainers since 1992
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| I'll see your Kate McCann and raise you Julie Etchingham
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| Nobody under the age of 40 is called Derek
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| Anyone with an older sister knows real pain.....
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| Every boy will have ridden a bike with their eyes closed and counted to ten.
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