| you can judge a facebook by its cover
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| David Furnish: The meek shall inherit the girth.
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| A comedown is not really the best preparation to having your wisdom teeth removed
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| When a man says "I really like being your friend, and don't want to lose that" roughly translates as either "I'll bang you the first opportunity I get" if average, or "don't get me pissed or I'll regret it" if munted.
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| wanking, the thinking mans sex
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| When a woman says 'tell me the truth' she means 'lie better than you have in your entire life'.
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| Anybody using the word "Gig" who isn't refering to a light two wheeled carriage deserves a thorough and severe cunt kicking.
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| When a lass says "I really like being your friend, and i don't want to lose that" It translates roughly as "not in a million years, you tosser"
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| It is unacceptable to use the term gaffer unless you are buying tape
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| It is unacceptable to use the term 'gaffer' unless you are:
1) a footballer
2) from east london
3) Sam Gamgee from Lord of the Rings.
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| People are always "rushed" to hospital. Never really sure why as the staff in A & E then ignore them for 4 hours and insist on talking in loud voices about last nights shagging and drinking exploits.
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| those who cant ... teach
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| Northerners: Stating that there is no 'r' in "ba(r)th" or "ca(r)stle, is a bit fucking rich when you destroy the language with your "by eckers like me duckees".
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| If the general public has never seen your tits, then you're not a proper actress.
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| Always remember that everybody you work with is an "undercover reporter" so I would advise against pinching things, making racist remarks and clouting people. Better to be safe than sorry (or on next weeks telly)
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| Crime doesn't pay. Especially if your victim is a fat ex-girl band member whose worth is measured entirely in Elizabeth Duke medallions and Iceland fare.
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| Don't bother looking in the dictionary for the definition of desperation, just watch an episode of Coronation Street.
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| In a perfect world they'd be no need for utopia.
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| Politics: Showbusiness for ugly people
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| Guy Ritchie is only the Michael Winner of the future.
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