| On a hot summers day 1 tap and 1 hosepipe in 1 garden = 6.7 Playstations
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| No two people in different parts of the country will have the same rules, or indeed the same name, for Headers and Volleys.
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| No man will ever be satisfied with his haircut when shown by the barber. But every man will rub his hair and say 'yeah, that's great thanks'. Then proceed to rush home with his head down so that he can get in the shower and reset the monstrosity that he has just been given.
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| All blokes want to give oral sex. We like the IOU aspect of it.
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| A bag of Opal Fruits does not count towards the recommended 'five a day'.
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| Everyone prefers The Lemonheads version of 'Mrs Robinson' to the Simon & Garfunkel original
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| There is nothing more satisfying than hearing your bird say 'oh my' as she mounts your cock.
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| steve wright must mention that his show is called "steve wright in the afternoon" at least 100 times during hihs show or his heart will stop and he will die..
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| Girls assume that men never think to buying them flowers.
They think about it all the time, they just don't bother.
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| Englanders:
If you do qualify for a football competition it is not the following
1. The second coming of the messiah
2. The greatest thing since 1966
3. a surprise when you go out on penalties.
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| There is no vision or sound more hellish than a cat being sick.
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| The word "discharge" when said to a bloke is like giving Kryptonite to Superman.
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| Everyon at least once has swore on their mothers life to back up a lie.
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| Drinking half a bottle of whiskey after the pub at 3am does not hone your online poker skills enough to win that £100 back.
I will let you know if Vodka works tomorrow morning
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| People who work in London must not, under any circumstances, add the numbers '020' when giving their telephone number to people, thereby enforcing the illusion that everyone in the entire country works within the M25.
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| It is impossible to use the words 'Eagerly-awaited' and 'Hard-Fi' in the same sentence.
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| the longevity of your mobile phone battery is determined by how important the call you are waiting for or making/receiving at the time it runs out.
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| There is no finer feeling than pulling some 10 denier stockings on to freshly waxed legs.
I dont know how women feel about this.
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| There is, an as yet undiscovered sensor in the back of your mouth that kicks in after 10 minutes if you have left a cup of tea down somewhere with out finishing it.
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| When attempting to bench-press your own bodyweight, having the song 'I Wanna Be Somebody' by WASP playing in your MP3 player will ensure you achieve your goal.
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