| Shooting your load is like posting rules on Holy Moly - a brief moment of elation, after which you feel a bit lonely and vaguely disgusted with yourself.
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| After shooting his load every man feels sleepy and slightly depressed.
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| Fireworks are an inappropriate way to mark the anniversary of 9/11.
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| No matter how much people hate her, everyone will like a least one of Madonna's songs
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| as to which is more compelling, Britney Spears' meltdown or 24, everyone is sitting on the fence
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| In the warm glow following a session of passionate sex, there are a number of phrases a woman likes to hear. "Ooh, it's Green-bin day tomorrow" isn't one of them.
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| Sex is the most wonderful, tender and beautiful thing money can buy.
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| Individually cocaine, poppers and viagra are excellent. Together, they are trouble. No matter how fit he/she is.
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| 85% men would lose their wives, jobs and/or freedom if the full extent of their internet activity was made public.
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| To most broadsheets, a report is 'critical.' To the Daily Mail, it is always 'damning!'
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| A stretch Hummer outside a wedding sets the tone for the entire day
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| Anyone who refers Michael Parkinson as 'Parky' reads the Daily Express.
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| Lurpark Spreadable is a fucking nightmare to spread on a sandwich.
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| It's really annoying when you have to put a post-it note in your pocket.
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| Oral sex will ruin a friendship.
It's worth it though.
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| Peadophiles
Get a wash, brush your teeth, comb your hair, buy a nice shirt and stop hanging around in parks. You'll be less obvious and be more succesful (probably)
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| The best part of foreplay is the haggling
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| It's illegal for any geography teacher to have minty breath
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| when you see a childs shoe in the street, it was never a happy ending
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| A blow job a day keeps the paycheck coming
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