| The easiest way to get a rule on HM is to pretend it has been written by a woman.
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| Its impossible not to pick an almost healed scab
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| there are twice as many nipples in the world as there are people
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| When looking at porn at work always make sure the volume of your computer is off.
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| Nobody has heard of anyone being mugged for their trainers since 1992
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| I'll see your Kate McCann and raise you Julie Etchingham
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| Nobody under the age of 40 is called Derek
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| Anyone with an older sister knows real pain.....
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| Every boy will have ridden a bike with their eyes closed and counted to ten.
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| You always feel a bit more sophisticated and daring if you ignore the pre-flight safety announcement on a plane and then slightly scared afterwards in case you missed something crucial.
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| News travels fast except Teletext which has not speeded up in the last 20 years.
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| No-one knows where Osama Bin Laden is except his stylist, Tracie, who does him a lovely wash and tint in her studio along Tottenham Court Road
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| The homework for any child on their first day of secondary school will be to cover their exercise book with wallpaper or sticky-backed plastic. This will have no effect on their A-Level results of future employment prospects or their ability to decorate the spare room.
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| If over 35 it's impossible to use a nose strip without singing "prince charming" and doing the camp little dance to go with it.
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| Most married or co-habiting men will have an alternate internet browser with a "delete all private data" button. Those who don't now will, after reading this post. (Try Opera, or Firefox you wankers!)
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| Everyone has entertained the thought that it would be funny to start up an alternative social networking site called Arsebook.
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| "When voting on HM's Mass Debate, most people will always go for the most 'obviously funny' answer."
The Jim Davidson Mass Debate, fuckin' told ya'
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| if the fallacy is better then the truth, people will always believe it. Two examples include - Zack from Saved By The Bell died in a car crash and Marylin Manson was Kevin's mate in The Wonder Years.
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| Ever had a wank whilst thinking about Adolf Hitler? You will now
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| When I write my sitcom, it will contain the moment today when I was sat in the waiting room at the clap clinic and It's A Kind Of Magic by Queen came on the radio.
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