| Women between 20 - 40 no longer seem to have any pubic hair.
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| Astrology is the preserve of the terminally stupid.
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| Watching a film on a tv channel is more relaxing than watching it on dvd.
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| Along with the kids of today never experiencing the magic of finding porn mags in hedgerows, they will never experience the childish amusement from playing a vinyl single on the wrong speed setting.
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| Women actually whinge more with a cold than men do.
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| The public houses of the UK will literally be shaking with loud braying this weekend from all the dull middle managers who purchased the new Coldplay album. They will all quote reviews from the broadsheets at each other at high volume, so that people 15 years younger than them will think they are 'hip'. These people would wax lyrical about the nuances of an album of Chris Martin shitting on the end of electric whisks if such a thing was made.
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| We of the 1p sweet generation didn't realise how good we had it
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| No woman understands the seriousness of manflu.
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| You know your life has ceased to be of any interest when you find yourself saying "the weather just can't make up its mind".
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| Impetigo was probably created in a lab by Freddy Kreuger.
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| When someone breaks a glass in a film, they always, ALWAYS cut themselves picking up one of the pieces.
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| Kelly Osbourne has become the new benchmark for Photoshop pilots.
Anyone who can make that fat faced mound of blubber look presentable is a fucking genius.
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| You're only really ill if you don't feel like having a wank on your sick day. Otherwise it's just manflu.
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| Most people have had the urge to randomly shout bollocks or suchlike during an important meeting at work
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| Lenny Henry has the ability to make an enemy in a Bhuddist monastery.
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| You'll never see Tracey Emin and Samantha Ronson in the same room at the same time....hmmm
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The attractiveness of any grown man plummets as soon as you find out they still call their mum “mummy”
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| Some tit will always come into work in shorts the day after the heat wave ended.
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| No Catholic has ever bought a rosary necklace in Topman.
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| All people that claim to be un-photogenic are ugly as fuck
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