Weddings - Celebrities & Other things we don't like

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Weddings	Why is it that all the people whose weddings I've been to recently have forgotten the basic deal? I buy you a present and spend a fortune on the hotel/taxis, new outfit etc etc and in return you give me free food and booze. The deal is NOT that I spend a fortune on all of the above only to get to the do and be given ONE measly fucking glass of fucking Cava, then be directed to the bar where I am asked to pay in the region of £10 for a fucking drink. Cheap fuckers. We all know you're only doing this so you can kit your house out with shite from Habitat and House of Fraser but if you don't keep up your end of the bargain then you can stick your overpriced wedding list up your fucking arse.

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COMMENTS

		SaleoftheCentury on Mon 19 May 2008 said... You can always not go, you know
		JiggeryCock on Mon 19 May 2008 said... Wedding List??? They saw you coming, didn't they?!
		sugartits on Mon 19 May 2008 said... free bar at mine this summer. bring a spare liver xx
		littleleopard82 on Mon 19 May 2008 said... last recepton i went to 2 weeks ago had an excellent free bar ...white wine was abit ropey ....and got so wankered me and my friend attempted the " ive had the time of my life lift" i still have a lump on back of head and fuck off big bruise on my thigh .....we gave them money as they wanted to decorate ...boring cunts
		catfood on Mon 19 May 2008 said... went to a mate of the missusses' wedding about 9 months ago - one in blighty, one in the colonies, both of which were paid for by his best man on account of him being a feckless scrote - cheese slicers and gravy boats all round - he's only gone and ditched his quite lovely bride for some ex girlfriend he last saw about 20 years ago who hooked up with him on facebook. cock.
		michaelpalin on Mon 19 May 2008 said... We require your presence not presents
		Alright on Mon 19 May 2008 said... tough luck. what a pisser. Still, one in the colonies who are you Rudyard Kipling?
		SaleoftheCentury on Mon 19 May 2008 said... Come on catfood, you must be almost able to taste the possibilities......
		sugartits on Mon 19 May 2008 said... fuck that. i want presents
		catfood on Mon 19 May 2008 said... no thanks - my dance card is booked.
		michaelpalin on Mon 19 May 2008 said... I will make you something, how gutting is that?
		catfood on Mon 19 May 2008 said... even worse are the worthy sorts who ask you to make a 'charitable donation' to starving kids in africa in lieu of stuffage - fuck off will you, if you really cared you'd ship the £1000 wedding cake and a tray of vol-au-vents to ethiopia instead of trying to impress us all with your christian ways.
		HeroicDose on Mon 19 May 2008 said... Pregnant?
		porkmaster69 on Mon 19 May 2008 said... wedding shmedding
		claire on Mon 19 May 2008 said... I avoid them wherever possible. Can't stand all the false bonhomie. Poncing around in ridiculous outfits and being expected to spend time with vacuous cunts.
		catfood on Mon 19 May 2008 said... still, the free food is nice. when it's free.
		SaleoftheCentury on Mon 19 May 2008 said... I was best man at a wedding in Rochdale once, sitting at the table before the meal and speeches and one of the grooms mates came over to me and said "we kill Southern cunts up here who aren't funny", so not so sure about the bonhomie, false or otherwise...
		milkplus on Mon 19 May 2008 said... The greeks have the right idea. As much free champagne and Jack daniels as you can drink plus excellent food and a live band until 1am. All they ask is that you pin something in the region of fifty quid to the bride or groom during the traditional dances. Everyone's a winner. The bride and groom get a fucking shit load of cash (enough for a deposit on a house seeing as how there are usually around 500 - 700 guests) and the guests get a top night out and don't have to worry about organising some crappy dinner service from John Lewis. σε ευχαριστώ
		HaveABreakHaveAGreenDay on Mon 19 May 2008 said... Sounds good, milkplus
		TheGunt on Mon 19 May 2008 said... and you can smash plates on peoples' heads
		randomboo on Mon 19 May 2008 said... Drive thru Chapel, Elvis Impersonater, Las Vegas - need I say more
		catfood on Mon 19 May 2008 said... the greeks nicked that from the chinese - red envelope, stick in a tenner, bang it in an anonymous crystal bowl - job done.
		MrsMoon on Mon 19 May 2008 said... clapped out toaster with no plug off ebay and be thankful!
		HeroicDose on Mon 19 May 2008 said... I will give you sperm for your wife if it turns out that you are infertile.
		dandyboy on Mon 19 May 2008 said... Is that collected anonymously in a bowl as well Heroic?
		HeroicDose on Mon 19 May 2008 said... Yes, care to make a donation? Bang it in the bowl.
		MrsMoon on Mon 19 May 2008 said... ...unusual starter for the sit down dinner...
		HeroicDose on Mon 19 May 2008 said... A dip for the crudites perhaps?
		MrsMoon on Mon 19 May 2008 said... ...i quite fancy a dip, but not in that...
		bystander on Mon 19 May 2008 said... I made my son have his "night do" at a WM Club and not at the fancy hotel where the day do had been so his mates could buy ten pints without applying for a mortgage. Another poster makes a valid point should we not get our prezzies back when they divorce?
		Barbersmith on Mon 19 May 2008 said... SaleoftheCentury - I bet you get lots of people saying that to you.
		SaleoftheCentury on Mon 19 May 2008 said... I wouldn't want some of the rubbish back, that i have bought people
		dandyboy on Mon 19 May 2008 said... So long as it's not the icing on the cake...
		ahknowme on Mon 19 May 2008 said... Just hang out with people that no one would ever marry. Saves you a fortune.
		buzzybelew on Mon 19 May 2008 said... A wankbowl of cheese sauce sounds about right.
		Hillbilly on Mon 19 May 2008 said... I agree with the OP. When my brother got married he asked for nothing but his socially aspiring fiancee who owned a shop selling overpriced stuff to mugs made us buy all the gifts from her shop so I forked out over £120 for a dozen poxy glasses. She did well to make the profit on the sale and get some posh drinking vessels. On top of that the nosebag at the Crazy Brown Bear Hotel was really horrible shite and the price of the room was extortionate for a worse than average hotel you have to pay trendy tax because its so fucking groovy. 150% loading for being hip, but not good in any way. Fucking rip off! If you pay Savoy prices you expect the Savoy. Fucking weddings...
		thundachick on Mon 19 May 2008 said... most of these big fuck-off fancy weddings is allto do with in-laws (speaking from past experience) when all the couple want is a cheap do down the boozer..pleantyful grub and booze..its all the in-aws fault, blame them, the cunts.
		cockend on Wed 21 May 2008 said... Milkplus thats a great idea. Me and the mrs have just been invited to a wedding on August 9. Dont know who the fuck she is, never met her but she wants me to buy her something from some stupid shop. Now if she was to get me wasted, she could have £50 cash no problem..... However there is another problem, the footie season starts that day....
		EvilFecker on Sun 25 May 2008 said... Milkplus has got it right, fucking touch. I may marry some rank old greek bitch and get shedloads of money. i went to a wedding in Cyprus last year and they got enough money from the 1800 guests to pay for wedding, honeymoon and house deposit. Fun. I felt a bit stupid cellotaping 3 pound coins on her, but every little helps.