littleleopard82 on Fri 04 July 2008 said... Get a fucking life , i got my first tattoo and had my tongue pierced when i was 16 ..i am well hard
CaptainCuntflaps on Fri 04 July 2008 said... The tongue's a piercing for quims.
Kitty on Fri 04 July 2008 said... OP is Robbie Williams.
littleleopard82 on Fri 04 July 2008 said... yes that was my first piercing CCF .... i have more .
CaptainCuntflaps on Fri 04 July 2008 said... OP can't be Prince Andrew because he was still wearing them a few years ago.
CaptainCuntflaps on Fri 04 July 2008 said... I had the tongue done for about three months - it hurt like fuck after a night on the piss, so I took it out. The girls liked it, though.
TheDuke on Fri 04 July 2008 said... You lucky bastard OP. She made me throw mine away when i was 15. She told me that i wouldn't be able to carry on being breast fed whilst i wore that uniform. It had to go.
MrPickles on Fri 04 July 2008 said... I still wear mine, but i do live near Soho.
littleleopard82 on Fri 04 July 2008 said... mines been 9 years now CCF , i would feel naked without it
CaptainCuntflaps on Fri 04 July 2008 said... I was being breast fed at 15, Duke - just not by my mum.
CaptainCuntflaps on Fri 04 July 2008 said... I used to have around 20 piercings LL - I'm down to eight.
TheDuke on Fri 04 July 2008 said... CaptainC - 20 piercings?...what are you like if you go near a magnet?
teddypendennis on Fri 04 July 2008 said... OP is David Cameron
CaptainCuntflaps on Fri 04 July 2008 said... I point north, Duke.
TheDuke on Fri 04 July 2008 said... I hear you CaptainC, i hear you.
HeroicDose on Fri 04 July 2008 said... My mum makes me dress up like a giant mirrored crab and run round the edge of the room sideways. So count yourself lucky.
littleleopard82 on Fri 04 July 2008 said... hahahhahahaha HD . crack . me . up .
TheDuke on Fri 04 July 2008 said... As the OP worn the same outfit since he was two. That must be real tight by now...very very snug...lovely and body squeezy. *wanks*
HeroicDose on Fri 04 July 2008 said... Future sailorrrrrsssssss.
TheDuke on Fri 04 July 2008 said... HD - you made the outfit to grab your mothers attention though...was the binman taking up to much of her time, hey? did you feel unloved? Put on the crab suit now and dance for me.
QWERTYOP on Fri 04 July 2008 said... You fucking loved it OP. Don't lie.
HeroicDose on Fri 04 July 2008 said... No, I made friends in rockpools, Duke. Those anemones look a bit like your mum's tits. The suit has pretty good mirrored wank pincers for a multi-faceted view of the crabcock action and video cameras built into the eye stalks for later replay.
TheDuke on Fri 04 July 2008 said... Ha ha fucking ha. I remember my mum telling me bednight stories about 'crab-boy'. I thought dementia had grabbed hold of her but now it all makes sense. Her tits still have the pincer scars, you grabby bastard
Posage on Fri 04 July 2008 said... TheDuke you are scary material - I like it.
HeroicDose on Fri 04 July 2008 said... I only did as instructed, Duke. My mandible mouthparts made a bit of a mess of her gash too. Did she show you?
TheDuke on Fri 04 July 2008 said... Show me??? I had to use an industrial polyfiller on her. Her tuppence looked like a map of the amazon after you'd finished. Your 'mandibles' are exactly user friendly are they?
TheDuke on Fri 04 July 2008 said... *aren't* damn my hooks.
MissConduct on Fri 04 July 2008 said... Heroic Dose, thank for giving me heads up on using the 'c' word. You provide a good service I hear.
P.S. Got any pics of you in the crab kit ?
Geushky on Fri 04 July 2008 said... ^^^ Is that up there really funny, or am I just stoned?
MissConduct on Fri 04 July 2008 said... I won the Sunday school carnival as Little Miss Muffet. A few years later the vicar got sent down for fiddling with choir boys, filthy c**t.
Oh, Heroic Dose, help me, hold my hand, I just can't say it.
MrPickles on Fri 04 July 2008 said... Is what funny Geushky...the post?
Geushky on Fri 04 July 2008 said... No, HD & TheDuke's exchanges.
ahknowme on Fri 04 July 2008 said... I hate to break this to you Geushky but TheDuke and HD are one and the same. Dissociative identity disorder. Not that either is aware of the other, of course. I've met them, and they're an accountant called Craig.
TheDuke on Fri 04 July 2008 said... Our name is Graham actually AK and we are infact a morgage advisor from Leicester...but great that you remembered us/me. We double teamed your sweet ass and you couldn't even be bothered remembering my/HDs name. I/we will not forgive you.
MissConduct on Fri 04 July 2008 said... ahknowme, you've just shattered my fantasy of a 3some
ahknowme on Fri 04 July 2008 said... Consider yourself saved from a most challenging experience. Being double-teamed by someone with DID is - as you can imagine - somewhat odd. Lying there trying to keep the mood when someone is running from one end to the other talking in different voices, well... it was hard to keep a straight face.
TheDuke on Fri 04 July 2008 said... AK - i got that bored with you that i ended up getting it on with HD...which according to you is me anyway...so basically i wanked in a corner, sniggering to myself.
TheDuke on Fri 04 July 2008 said... Shit, i feel this conversation is going into a QED situation and i may vanish up my own arse.
ahknowme on Fri 04 July 2008 said... It won't be the first time.
TheDuke on Fri 04 July 2008 said... "fisting" your own arse isn't technically vanishing. Its mild experimentation thats gone a touch to far....it was in he name of science though.
MissConduct on Fri 04 July 2008 said... Me-oh-my, Ahknowme, I'm ashamed of my very own impure, naive thoughts.
HeroicDose on Fri 04 July 2008 said... Er, sorry had to go and drink more. In my absence have you lot just made me a gay crab? Or into a gay crab, even? If you have made me a gay crab I would like you to present it to me so I can evaluate its mincer pincers.
HeroicDose on Fri 04 July 2008 said... Miss Conduct.....
MissConduct on Fri 04 July 2008 said... Are you gonna hold my hand ?
ahknowme on Fri 04 July 2008 said... Gay crab is only one of your personalities, HD. 80% of them are hetro, though only 20% are human.
HeroicDose on Fri 04 July 2008 said... I think fisting your own arse is probably a ninja technique, Duke. In essence you are removing one limb from visibility to others, thereby making yourself less conspicuous as a whole. Unless you do it in the middle of M&S on a Saturday after attempting the Buckfast Challenge. They've told me that the third time that happens I won't be working there any more.
HeroicDose on Fri 04 July 2008 said... I have yet to meet them all Ahknowme, and feed them bread like ducks at the park. MissConduct, if you can withstand the feel of my carapaced claw on your mit, then certainly. I've been told it tickles.
MissConduct on Fri 04 July 2008 said... I do tend to pee a little when tickled, but hey-ho....here goes......cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt. Oh-my, I feel so liberated. Was that good for you HD ?
TheDuke on Fri 04 July 2008 said... Did you really hear "tickles" or did you hear "screams", HD?. Two very different words but both sound the same when you go into a bloodthirst rampage.
ahknowme on Fri 04 July 2008 said... What the fuck's a 'mit'? In Stoke it's a hand, but...
HeroicDose on Fri 04 July 2008 said... That'll do nicely. There's no turning back now MC. Run! Run into the streets, cunting at the world. Get someone to tickle you, piss on the public. But not tramps. That's another's territory.
MissConduct on Fri 04 July 2008 said... WTF ?! There's no stopping me now you cunts! HD what have you done to me, a once-up-on-a-time sweet girl ?
HeroicDose on Fri 04 July 2008 said... I did mean hand, but mit, mitten, kitten, what comes next? No it wasn't me, crabwanking again.
HeroicDose on Fri 04 July 2008 said... Sorry Conduct. Tactical necessity and calculated risk. Such is the cuntrosity of The Corner.
ahknowme on Fri 04 July 2008 said... Reel 'em in. Corrupt. Unleash.
HeroicDose on Fri 04 July 2008 said... Invaginate.
MissConduct on Fri 04 July 2008 said... I better take you advice HD, I'm running....(well, galloping) back to the prairie.
MissConduct on Fri 04 July 2008 said... ....or maybe the Priory ?
HeroicDose on Fri 04 July 2008 said... The Priory. That's in Barnes isn't it? I hold my outdoor crab ninja classes on the Common. Come along. Recommend a particular fighting style? OK then I will. The Land Crab. Excellent seafood. Excellent seafood.
MissConduct on Fri 04 July 2008 said... Maybe the Priory could help with my spelling too ? *your advice* not *you advice*. Fuck-it, arse, tit-wank. HD look what the fuck you've done to me...
MissConduct on Fri 04 July 2008 said... I'll drive over your ninja pincers HD. (it's a sweet V8 engine, it'll hurt but you'll love the sound of a real engine raw)
HeroicDose on Fri 04 July 2008 said... It's what you've done to yourself. Look into the mirrored claw back and tell me otherwise. Preferable with swearing. And sea lettuce.
HeroicDose on Fri 04 July 2008 said... Isn't V8 a mixed vegetable juice drink? Or did I imagine that? One of the less disturbing things if I did. Those prolapsing, cackling Mormons with backward facing shins were higher on the list.
MissConduct on Fri 04 July 2008 said... Fuck-it, *roar* not cunting *raw*.
HeroicDose on Fri 04 July 2008 said... Drinkage involved? Or typing with your bits?
HeroicDose on Fri 04 July 2008 said... ...says he who wrote "Preferable with swearing". Damn these barnacle infested claws.
MissConduct on Fri 04 July 2008 said... Ok HD, yes, it is a vegetable fucking juice. But I'm not going to ride over your claws in a cardboard carton of squashed vegetables and water.
A V8 engine is a V engine with eight cylinders mounted on the crankcase in two banks of four cylinders, in most cases set at a right angle to each other but sometimes at a narrower angle, with all eight pistons driving a common crankshaft.
In its simplest form, it is basically two straight-4 engines sharing a common crankshaft. However, this simple configuration, with a single-plane crankshaft, has the same secondary dynamic imbalance problems as two straight-4s, resulting in annoying vibrations in large engine displacements.
Is there 1 guy that I don't have to explain this to ?
HeroicDose on Fri 04 July 2008 said... I would prefer them to be barnacle encrusted, but unfortunately the barnacles are on the inside. Messing about and playing R&B loudly on their mobiles.
MissConduct on Fri 04 July 2008 said... Corona has passed my lips this evening
HeroicDose on Fri 04 July 2008 said... No that's fine MC. I'm a biker so no V8 for me but I can deal with the fundamentals, thanks. Four cylinders only, for now. But 2 bikes, so that's 8 in all...
MissConduct on Fri 04 July 2008 said... Haha! Classic or crappy Jap bikes ?
KenBoonsmotorbike on Fri 04 July 2008 said... I'm not a biker - I'm a bike and a cunt - 100% with you HD
HeroicDose on Fri 04 July 2008 said... Ken, a bi-cunt? Not as bad as SOTC then. Apparently he's been referred to as a polycunt. MC, my current bikes are Japanese because I like them to function most of the time. Although the XJR1300 is a bit retro. Without shaking itself to bits.
MissConduct on Fri 04 July 2008 said... Boo-hiss to you turning Japanese HD.
HeroicDose on Fri 04 July 2008 said... Yep, that's a conversation stopper and no mistake. Back to the rockpool to squeeze Duke's mum...
HeroicDose on Fri 04 July 2008 said... Those comments were in the wrong order. I really think so.
KenBoonsmotorbike on Fri 04 July 2008 said... I prefer to call myself a a motorised cunt - as for SOTC.... Well he/she's in a league of their own - but is more than likely proud of the fact.
HeroicDose on Sat 05 July 2008 said... Each to their own...cunt. Or multiple thereof.
MissConduct on Sat 05 July 2008 said... Given your profile pic HD, you don't look the biker type. I don't see a helmet ?
Have we lost sight of the initial post ?!
Back to the sailor clothes, hmmm....ok, uniforms 'n' bikes..
*cold shower*
KenBoonsmotorbike on Sat 05 July 2008 said... ...And as for Japanese bikes - After spending 3 hours in a POW camp in Burma in 1944, I have nothing but contempt for them! However, I do have a grudging respect for those "Ninja" bikes though.....
HeroicDose on Sat 05 July 2008 said... A motorised cunt? I think you can make those from Meccano and Copydex.
KenBoonsmotorbike on Sat 05 July 2008 said... Yeh, but they cost a fucking bomb in batteries...
HeroicDose on Sat 05 July 2008 said... Uniforms MC? Conformist! You wouldn't see all us bikers wearing the same thing, what with our long hair, beards, bike jackets and, oh why the fuck am I writing this.
HeroicDose on Sat 05 July 2008 said... Ken, especially in Hiroshima.
MissConduct on Sat 05 July 2008 said... Sorry Billy Gibbons, didn't mean to offend.
KenBoonsmotorbike on Sat 05 July 2008 said... My point exactly HD...
HeroicDose on Sat 05 July 2008 said... MC, the Gibbons beard is coming along nicely by the way. And that is the truth. From the bottom of my crabhatch.
HeroicDose on Sat 05 July 2008 said... Sorry Ken, red wine and a head cold is turning me into prehensile snot.
MissConduct on Sat 05 July 2008 said... Ken, you shoulda put in a transfer to a German PoW camp. Steve woulda given you a lift on his Triumph 650 - a real bike.
HeroicDose on Sat 05 July 2008 said... Didn't get him through the barbed wire though did it? Honda Blackbird probably would have, but with the minor sacrifice of leaving his kneecaps behind. Bony reminders of his passing.
MissConduct on Sat 05 July 2008 said... Oh, HD poor petal, a runny nose ? a little achey ? Do you want me to call an ambulance ?
MissConduct on Sat 05 July 2008 said... Honda Blackbird ? Firing squard ? Aim 'n' fire please.
HeroicDose on Sat 05 July 2008 said... I'll cope MC, but thanks for the manflu cliche. It'll be a good while before my beard completely fills up with mucus. Then I'll just wring it out into a basin, pop it in the garden mini-pump and the snails can drink it dry. For a price. I'm an independent shell station.
HeroicDose on Sat 05 July 2008 said... Aim, fire, miss.
HeroicDose on Sat 05 July 2008 said... A bit like the shell station 'joke".
MissConduct on Sat 05 July 2008 said... Ok little soldier, holla if you need help.
HeroicDose on Sat 05 July 2008 said... Still fine. How those Coronas going down? Sadly I have reached my alcohol limit as I don't feel like bouncing off traffic on the way to work tomorrow. On my inferior Japanese machinery, obviously. I once tried to breastfeed from a woman as I passed her car. Unfortunately I had to lean over her husband as she was in the passenger seat with her kid. Nearly lost the bike. I'll go "up the inside" next time.
MissConduct on Sat 05 July 2008 said... Reached my limit on the Mexican beer for tonight. Gotta race tomorrow, it's tough enough seeing grown men cry when I see the chequered flag first without bouncing off them on the track due to alcohol cuntsumption.
Like your style, I'll try the 'sneaking up the inside' trick, tho I'll pass on the drive-by breastfeeding.
HeroicDose on Sat 05 July 2008 said... Gotta catch a snack when you can. Goodnight, and hey, just y'know, thanks for saying 'cunt'. Day 2: Quim Wars.
MissConduct on Sat 05 July 2008 said... Hahaha! Go rub some Vick on your chest. G'nite!
Day 2: Will not invovle female genitalia
HeroicDose on Sat 05 July 2008 said... *Will so* You've also gotta cack a snatch when you can.
HeroicDose on Sat 05 July 2008 said... Messy but effective. I've given myself hair cancer and I am going to seep. Then sleep. Crab out.
MissConduct on Sat 05 July 2008 said... **Will not**
MissConduct on Sat 05 July 2008 said... Go, the neighbours will talk and the church elders will get suspicious.
NotGot on Sat 05 July 2008 said... *turns up rather late to the thread*
MC? You don't have to explain about V8s to me, if that's any help? I'm a serial offender... Remember, don't do the third row of head bolts up tight, it tips the head causing gas leakage into the valley, pressurises the crankcase and causes the legendary oil leaks...
HeroicDose on Sat 05 July 2008 said... Is it too late to make jokes about MissConduct's big end?
HeroicDose on Sat 05 July 2008 said... Or just too unfunny? I think I know the answer. *Applies full choke*
MissConduct on Sat 05 July 2008 said... NG, top tip, thanks. HD, WTFs my 'big end' ?
HeroicDose on Sat 05 July 2008 said... It's the larger end of the connecting rod, opposite from the piston. Shit joke.
MissConduct on Sat 05 July 2008 said... Awww.....yeah it was! But you know what, you took the time and you tried. Let's not forget that.
How's the cold? Still blowing your bugle on your beard ?
HeroicDose on Sat 05 July 2008 said... Bad this morning, but after a sick day doing fuck all instead of working I feel much better, thank you MC. Alcohol hurled down the gullet is currently helping to alleviate any remaining symptoms. And replace them with drunkenness.
MissConduct on Sat 05 July 2008 said... I'm sure Doctor Hilary (isn't that a ladies name?) Jones would highly recommend such a natural cure. I've heard him say, many a time "if you're feeling like crap, get shitfaced". So there you go, doctor's orders.
HeroicDose on Sat 05 July 2008 said... MC, I've been accused of grooming you, but I have the feeling it's the other way round. Are you an internet predator? Am I at risk?
MissConduct on Sat 05 July 2008 said... Bollocks, I've been rumbled!
HeroicDose on Sat 05 July 2008 said... You were after my 'hot rod' all along, just keeping me ticking over and warmed up in the meantime, etc etc
MissConduct on Sat 05 July 2008 said... Do I look/write like an internet predator, really ?
HeroicDose on Sat 05 July 2008 said... Unlike mine, I don't think that your profile pic is really you.
MissConduct on Sat 05 July 2008 said... Errrr, ok, whatever....
HeroicDose on Sat 05 July 2008 said... Whereas I am twin messiahs fucking. Actually I'm bored with that pic now, must change it soon.
HeroicDose on Sat 05 July 2008 said... On the Coronas again tonight? Wine's going down a fucking treat.
MissConduct on Sat 05 July 2008 said... That pic did make my laugh, but now I'm worried that I won't go to Heaven (the place with the Pearly gates not the arse bandit club near Cockspur [quite apt] St. Charing Cross).
MissConduct on Sat 05 July 2008 said... Had 1 or 2....
HeroicDose on Sat 05 July 2008 said... Huh huh, Cockspur. Heaven (applies to both) is full of dicks and has shit music. You're not missing much.
MissConduct on Sun 06 July 2008 said... Have you been to both ??
HeroicDose on Sun 06 July 2008 said... Nope. And I have no intention of going to either. Although some straight mates who like dance music (shudders) used to go to Heaven the club just to spack about and get pilled up. No bumming was involved or required. Just listening to shit music for hours upon end. I can do that by turning on MTV. But I won't, dammit.
MissConduct on Sun 06 July 2008 said... Dance music makes me ill, I'd rather listen James Blunt (boring c**t), Katie Melua and Dido. Fuck, no I wouldn't. I'd rather tear my own ears of than listen to any of the aforementioned.
MissConduct on Sun 06 July 2008 said... It's time to put the rollers in and take the teeth out
MissConduct on Sun 06 July 2008 said... *off not of*
HeroicDose on Sun 06 July 2008 said... Viking Metal, it's the only way forward. Where are you taking teeth out of and putting rollers in? I think I've seen that film.
MissConduct on Sun 06 July 2008 said... Don't mind a bit of metal now'n' then. Actually saw Iron Maiden this evening (only for a while + it was free). Not sure where my teeth are actually, think I might've left them on the roof of the car. Fuck it, that's the 2nd time this week.
HeroicDose on Sun 06 July 2008 said... You were in Twickenham? I saw them last week in Belgium and was meant to go and drink outside a pub beside the stadium tonight for a second helping but too busy attending my own snotfest. Why was it free for you, why?
MissConduct on Sun 06 July 2008 said... Yes I was in T/ham. Family in the music ind. = free tickets, yay! Saw Foo Fighters a few weeks ago, nearly messed my pants with excitement. Discovered I'm to old to head-bang ~ needed a neck brace for a week !
HeroicDose on Sun 06 July 2008 said... You lucky so and so with your connections. I was offered a ticket for Maiden gig tonight at face value (and I live just down the road) but thought fuck it, just seen 'em. Regretting it a bit now. I have not yet decided I am too old to headbang or get a haircut. If a neckbrace is required occasionally, so be it.
MissConduct on Sun 06 July 2008 said... My connections aren't that good. Keep requesting tickets for Elvis or Mr Cash. Have any of them sorted it, no they bloody well haven't.
Anyhow, must dash, the sandmans coming.
P.S. Found my teeth, kitty was playing with them under the bed.
HeroicDose on Sun 06 July 2008 said... I am too old to get a haircut? Cunting idiot.
HeroicDose on Sun 06 July 2008 said... Pah, not the best of connections then (you probably need to pal up with a necromancer or two), but if you are an internet stalker, here's some advice. Ply me with free tickets to metal gigs and there's not much I won't do. You can spade me like an otter and I won't complain. It might make the little baby Jesus cry but fuck him, he had his chance.
MissConduct on Sun 06 July 2008 said... That's very funny!
HeroicDose on Sun 06 July 2008 said... But of course it is. It has Jesus in it.
TheDuke on Sun 06 July 2008 said... Don't you fecking laugh at Jezuz. He died for you, HD....then left you his beard in his will.
ahknowme on Sun 06 July 2008 said... Boom boom tssshhhhhhhhhh! Am here.
HeroicDose on Sun 06 July 2008 said... Yeah, it's a pretty good one too. Dip it in a pint of shitty lager and it turns it to proper beer. Thanks Jesus. Duke, did you bag his sandals? And I don't mean bag them like evidence at a crime scene.
MissConduct on Sun 06 July 2008 said... Wow, you guys got back from church early. Was it good, did you have a sing-song ?
HeroicDose on Sun 06 July 2008 said... Yeah, but they didn't appreciate "The Number of the Beast" and headbanging while standing on the altar.
ahknowme on Sun 06 July 2008 said... Neither would I. Some ravey housey acid please.
ahknowme on Sun 06 July 2008 said... And a few 'Echo and the Bunnymen' classics.
HeroicDose on Sun 06 July 2008 said... AK, you're thinking of The Church nightclub I think.
MissConduct on Sun 06 July 2008 said... HD, was that just the vicar ?
AKM, ravey housey acid, really ?
ahknowme on Sun 06 July 2008 said... Really really. And The Church was full of bloody Aussies/NZers no thanks very much. They can't even dance to rave, despite it being invented to give white men a chance on the dance floor.
HeroicDose on Sun 06 July 2008 said... We chucked the vicar into the holy moshpit. He got into it eventually. But when he started speaking in tongues I had to punch him out.
TheDuke on Sun 06 July 2008 said... 7 years bad luck for sparking out a vicar...and possibly contracting potato blight as a consequence.
ahknowme on Sun 06 July 2008 said... You were under his cassock for a tad too long I thought HD.
HeroicDose on Sun 06 July 2008 said... Never joke about potato blight with an Irishman, Duke. A life without mashed potato is no life at all.
MissConduct on Sun 06 July 2008 said... Fucking Aussies, Kiwis & S. Africans (with the worlds most irritating accent) ~ if it's not bad enough to drive past their guttersnipe drinking holes at the back of Kings Cross on a Sunday afternoon only to see them pissing, shitting & puking, they come over here (well, Earls Court) only to tell us what a shithole the UK is (no shit Sherlock) they bleat on how great their homeland is. Peace of advice for the said visitors ~ FUCK OFF BACK.
Now I'm cross and I'm supposed to be writing my CV.
HeroicDose on Sun 06 July 2008 said... AK, I was heroically rescuing some choirboys he had gaffer taped to his thighs.
ahknowme on Sun 06 July 2008 said... There were only three choirboys, but you 'tried to rescue' four.
HeroicDose on Sun 06 July 2008 said... Your CV MissConduct? I take it from that rant that you are not applying for the position of Bar Manager at Walkabout then?
ahknowme on Sun 06 July 2008 said... I haven't lived in London for about 13 years, thank fuck. So I'm able to avoid 'em.
HeroicDose on Sun 06 July 2008 said... AK, that made me laugh.
HeroicDose on Sun 06 July 2008 said... The fourth didn't seem to want to let go. I pulled and pulled but he stiffly resisted and then spat on me. Ugly little fucker too.
MissConduct on Sun 06 July 2008 said... No, the SpringBok Bar. Oh dear, might need to re-think this.
TheDuke on Sun 06 July 2008 said... I've been to London once. I dont know how you people do it.
MissConduct on Sun 06 July 2008 said... Not sure that I'll convince anyone that I was once CEO of ICI and that I did 7 years in Cirque du Soleil (a one-of-a-kind theatrical delight).
Any suggestions ?
MissConduct on Sun 06 July 2008 said... Duke, I've done 17 years and I've had it with this city (between me and you, I secretly agree with the aforementioned visitors). The Californian coast is calling.
HeroicDose on Sun 06 July 2008 said... Let's think. You were once an evil overlord (lady) in an underwater city inhabited by giant prawn-like beings but you were eventually overthrown and ousted for eating the younglings of one too many of your subjects?
ahknowme on Sun 06 July 2008 said... Bribery - the only way. Though maybe not with Iron Maiden tickets.
HeroicDose on Sun 06 July 2008 said... 14 years for me, but technically I don't live in London. I'm in Surrey with the snobby cunts.
TheDuke on Sun 06 July 2008 said... Dream thief is a good occupation. Ive done it for twelve years now and couldn't be happier. I basically steal peoples hopes and aspirtations and fill their heads full of despair and chaos....the good dreams fuel my homeworld. You want an application form?
HeroicDose on Sun 06 July 2008 said... Are you the writer for Eastenders, Duke?
MissConduct on Sun 06 July 2008 said... Duke, if I forward all of my details to you could you complete the form for me ?
MissConduct on Sun 06 July 2008 said... HD, I appreciate your sugestions, thank you, but a little worried that I might get sectioned if I put that on my CV.
TheDuke on Sun 06 July 2008 said... Im many things HD, including you...it would seem.
TheDuke on Sun 06 July 2008 said... Im watching Dempsey and Makepeace. Shes in my top five. I just love the chemistry they had...why am writing this. I should be just thinking it yet my fingers keep typing. Hangovers are cruel.
HeroicDose on Sun 06 July 2008 said... She is hot though Duke. Speaking of hangovers, I'm ready to start drinking again. Here's to Glynis Barber. Chars!
MissConduct on Sun 06 July 2008 said... HD, I hope it's holy water that you're drinking ?
HeroicDose on Sun 06 July 2008 said... It was holy water until it touched my beard.
TheDuke on Sun 06 July 2008 said... *cracks open bottle of methidone* to the regiment good sir
ahknowme on Sun 06 July 2008 said... *pours cava onto cornflakes*
TheDuke on Sun 06 July 2008 said... *adds rohypnol sugar and waits*
ahknowme on Sun 06 July 2008 said... *appreciates the considerate thought as would sooner not remember*
TheDuke on Sun 06 July 2008 said... *pulls face out of cornflakes and buggers into next week*
HeroicDose on Sun 06 July 2008 said... Duke, I sincerely hope you are using the strawberry jam as a lube or AK will be furious.
ahknowme on Sun 06 July 2008 said... *would have preferred to have drowned in the cornflakes*
ahknowme on Sun 06 July 2008 said... No jam please because of the ants.
TheDuke on Sun 06 July 2008 said... *applies strawberry jam lube to the anus as an after thought, then plays a tune on his insect flute to summon fire ants*
ahknowme on Sun 06 July 2008 said... I think you've gone too far.
TheDuke on Sun 06 July 2008 said... *slaps AK on the arse and leaves* thanks for sunday roast.
TheDuke on Sun 06 July 2008 said... Too far? i was only 4 inches in. what about the over 7 inches going to waste?
ahknowme on Sun 06 July 2008 said... I'm off for a bit now, despite the awaiting tedious chores and blustery weather. My 'get off HM and get a life' alarm just went off. Not that I ever anticipated 'a life' being tedious chores and blustery weather, eh.
TheDuke on Sun 06 July 2008 said... "over" eh? other!
ahknowme on Sun 06 July 2008 said... 13 inches? *takes taope measure from Duke* That's the metric side you daft sod. Inches my arse.
MissConduct on Sun 06 July 2008 said... Back to my CV chaps (although the above script is fucking funny!) In hobbies/interests do you think I should leave out 'nipple tassel twirling' ?
TheDuke on Sun 06 July 2008 said... "inches my arse" *spuffs*
ahknowme on Sun 06 July 2008 said... I'd say that is the essential stay-in Miss C. And I am a chapess, incidentally. The Duke would hate you to think he's a gayer. He's a bit... well, OVER sensitive about that, if you ask me.
TheDuke on Sun 06 July 2008 said... MC - send a picture of the said hobby and the job is as good as yours....what job you going for again?...you make your tits sound like a windmill.
TheDuke on Sun 06 July 2008 said... Im NOT fucking gay!
TheDuke on Sun 06 July 2008 said... anyone want to see a picture of my turd free cock?
MissConduct on Sun 06 July 2008 said... AK, I am so sorry! I based my assumption on The Duke actually being a gayer. Again, I am very sorry.
TheDuke on Sun 06 July 2008 said... I bum both men and women without prejudice. Does that make me gay? NO, it makes me a free thinking human.
ahknowme on Sun 06 July 2008 said... He does usually make me wear a George Clooney mask and stand in a closet. I've not really thought about that before. Hmmm...
MissConduct on Sun 06 July 2008 said... PA to one this countries finest dignitaries!
Thanks, but no thanks for the picture offer. I'm suddenly feeling a little ill :(.
Oh, go on then !
P.S. I didn't really think you were an arse bandito
HeroicDose on Sun 06 July 2008 said... Does this country have any fine dignitaries? Ozzy Osbourne no longer qualifies as his wife has turned him into a twat.
MissConduct on Sun 06 July 2008 said... *one of this country's* The image of The Duke's turd free cock started doing strange things to my mind/stomach.
TheDuke on Sun 06 July 2008 said... You've said too much again, AK *storms out of closet. throws George Clooney mask and nappy on bed*
TheDuke on Sun 06 July 2008 said... pictures of my turd free cock are used at Weight Watchers meeting throughout the cuntry. It seems to put women off their food. I dont know why!
HeroicDose on Sun 06 July 2008 said... I think it's the yellowish sludge seeping out the end, Duke. And it appears to be grinning. That would do it.
TheDuke on Sun 06 July 2008 said... You say yellowish sludge, HD, i call it cock custard....and whats wrong with having a smiley nob?
MissConduct on Sun 06 July 2008 said... Duke, have you done my CV yet ? You can't play out this afternoon if you haven't.
MissConduct on Sun 06 July 2008 said... You guys are gross!
HeroicDose on Sun 06 July 2008 said... AK told me it whispers filthy lies when it's 'inside'. Is that true Duke? Does it say things like "a fucking cube has seven cunting sides" and stuff like that? In a muffled whisper that travels to the recipients ears through their internal organs?
TheDuke on Sun 06 July 2008 said... Im playing out, like it or lump it MissC. Im gonna build a base and a rope swing.
HeroicDose on Sun 06 July 2008 said... Camp Duke? Sorry, forgot the comma.
TheDuke on Sun 06 July 2008 said... NO, HD. My cock is a truth-sayer and has mild tourettes - "you spoon faced bitch, you have slack mimsy, cunt bastard". That kinda thing.
MissConduct on Sun 06 July 2008 said... HD, do you take mind-altering drugs by any chance ?
Duke, just get on with it, I need it first thing tomorrow.
(shit, I'm now behaving like my c**t of a boss that I've suffered for 9 years).
TheDuke on Sun 06 July 2008 said... "Camp Duke" are two words that dont belong together, i will have you know.
TheDuke on Sun 06 July 2008 said... We know people that will take care of your boos, MissC. Just give us a wink and hes out of your life.
TheDuke on Sun 06 July 2008 said... The CV is not going well. It turns out you have done three years in Vietnam has John Rambos bandana.
