AngryMoth on Fri 18 July 2008 said... I can't be arsed anymore...
MingePootang on Fri 18 July 2008 said... Please its fucking Friday, 16.00 with an hour to go. I have stopped working and would appreciate something that is actually funny with perhaps a pseudo-racist, homophobic, violent twist. Not this plate of cunt-shite. Fuck-off!
hypnochoad on Fri 18 July 2008 said... i'm with you on that one angrymoth. ps - what is an angrymoth?
SIKOSIS on Fri 18 July 2008 said... why do women wear make up and perfume?
MingePootang on Fri 18 July 2008 said... Because they are cunts?
MrChuffy on Fri 18 July 2008 said... So they look nice enough to shit on
hypnochoad on Fri 18 July 2008 said... because they look and smell like shit without it. unlike us menfolk.
Hero on Fri 18 July 2008 said... Now we're getting somewhere.
Nadiestar on Fri 18 July 2008 said... whats cuntshite?
MingePootang on Fri 18 July 2008 said... Nice Hero......cheered me up no end!
Hero on Fri 18 July 2008 said... Your welcome anytime Minge
MingePootang on Fri 18 July 2008 said... Nadie, cuntshite is the greenish spee-pee that is excreated by a lady's "fish-shop" when she has gonorrhea!
Nadiestar on Fri 18 July 2008 said... Thank you Dr Mingepootang..... But what happens if you're colour blind?
SIKOSIS on Fri 18 July 2008 said... there was a black-out in my street last night
BustySinclair on Fri 18 July 2008 said... did they catch it and lock it up again?
SIKOSIS on Fri 18 July 2008 said... An out of work pianist with Tourette’s syndrome is strolling around the Streets and bars of Soho one afternoon.
Walking down Dean Street he sees a lounge bar with a sign in the window "Pianist wanted for evening performances’" "F*cking get in there you c*nt!’ he says to himself and goes to the bar.
"Get the f*cking manager of this pigs’ sh*t middle class w*nkhole please, you c*nt’, he says to a somewhat startled barman.
The barman however obliges and his manager comes upstairs. ’Can I help you? sir?’ he says.
’Yes you can, you fat piece of sh*t", says the pianist, "I saw your poxy advert in the c*nting window and I’m here to audition......w*nker.’
The manager is naturally put off by the man’s abrasive manner but his dire need for a top class pianist forces him to agree to an audition. The first tune the Pianist plays is an uplifting jazzy number, not too involving, yet utterly melodic. At the end the thrilled barman cries, ’Wonderful, wonderful. What was that called?’
’That song, you big nosed tw*t, was called "Excuse me Prime Minister, but I just jizzed in your daughter’s eye, and now the c*nt’s blind...’
’Oh’ says the manager ’err, can you play me another, something a little less "lively".’
’F*cking w*nker.’ interjects the pianist before launching into a powerful ballad which leaves the manager in tears. The manager through his salty teardrops asks him the title. ’That little number was called "Sometimes when you do a bird up the sh*t box you get cr*p on your bell end.’
’I see’ says the manager, ’Have you got any songs with less offensive titles?’
’Well there’s my jazz number "Do you want me to split your ringpiece", or there’s the epic "I don’t care if you’re older my dear, you’ve still got nice f*cking jugs".
’Look’ says the manager interrupting, ’I think you’re a superb pianist but the title of your songs are a little "racy". I will hire you on the condition that you do not introduce your songs or speak to the audience.’
’F*ck it’ says the pianist ’Why not’.
On his first night everything is going superbly, the crowd are lapping up his repertoire and his silence is being received as modesty. The only thing putting off the pianist is that in the front row there is a gorgeous blonde in a black evening dress with a split up the side revealing the tops of her stockings, and a plunging neckline which boasts a proud and inviting cleavage.
During the interval the pianist has got such a stonking hard-on that he decides to go to the bog and knock one out. Just as he has shot his muck he hears himself being re-introduced over the tannoy, so he rushes back to the stage and finishes his act.
After the show he is at the bar relaxing when the blonde approaches him. ’Hi’ she says.
’Hello’ he winces, struggling to hold in the expletives.
She leans over and whispers in his ear, ’Do you know your c*ck is hanging out of your trousers, and sp*nk is dribbling onto your shoes?’
’Know it?’ says the pianist putting his beer on the bar confidently,’I f*cking wrote the c*nt!!!
MingePootang on Fri 18 July 2008 said... Bit of a slow day on Moly. Fuck you cunts. I'm going to check out the cricket. Listen to a bit of "Boycee" Boycott racialising everyone. Fuck you very much, good night!
MingePootang on Fri 18 July 2008 said... Oh yeah....your all cunts!
SIKOSIS on Fri 18 July 2008 said... you're all cunts, MingePoo
Nadiestar on Fri 18 July 2008 said... i heard that joke when i was a sperm swimming around in my dads balls!
Hero on Fri 18 July 2008 said... Goodbye you throbbing yoghurt chucker.
MingePootang on Fri 18 July 2008 said... Peado-antic smart ass, Sikosis! Shit I'm suppose to be gone! Well that's it now!
MissConduct on Fri 18 July 2008 said... Sikosis, thought you were mildly funny 'til you mentioned boring-bastard-dull-as-shit-cricket. For total cuntness, you might as well check out the golf
MissConduct on Fri 18 July 2008 said... OOOOPS, bollocks, wrong name, sorry Sikosis! Shoulda got the name right, that was meant for MingePootang.
I'm not even blonde or from Essex, so no valid excuse for the above error.
BlartMonster on Fri 18 July 2008 said... Mark Ronson is a cunt
MingePootang on Fri 18 July 2008 said... I was going to write a witty response to you MissCuntduct, but you managed to makea twat of yourself all on your lonesome! Well done! Bravo!
Cunt!
SIKOSIS on Fri 18 July 2008 said... No offence taken MissConduct. I see you live up to your name!
hypnochoad on Fri 18 July 2008 said... i enjoyed that joke. i think i've heard it before though.
MissConduct on Fri 18 July 2008 said... MP, me-oh-my, thank you for kind words. You little charmer!
PartyPlanner on Fri 18 July 2008 said... What makes Mark Ronson a cunt is the fact that he DOESN'T play the trumpet, despite using them on every fucking record he produces. "I play all my own instruments.... except the trumpet". Cunt off, sir.
MissConduct on Fri 18 July 2008 said... Sikosis, I can't tell you what a relief it is to me that I have have not offended you. Hopefully, MingePootwat may learn something from you. However, you can't teach a cricket-watching-cunt new tricks.
TheDuke on Fri 18 July 2008 said... MissC!, How are thee?
MissConduct on Fri 18 July 2008 said... Duke! Welcome, may I say how nice it is to see you here.
I'm TOTP thank you for asking. And you Sir ?
TheDuke on Fri 18 July 2008 said... Im well as could be expected thank you MissC. Hitting the gin and tonics heavily, trying to drown out the screams of the brain demons. It's friday night. Its hammer and chisel night. *prays to the god of chaos for nice clean kills*.
littleleopard82 on Fri 18 July 2008 said... missconduct , i am very hurt about your recent "dissing" i am blonde and from essex AND AM WELL BRAINY INNIT
MingePootang on Fri 18 July 2008 said... MissC, can I ask why you dislike cricket so much and why you seem to dislike anyone who does? I'm picturing an old flame, maybe? Perhaps he wanted to watch a bit of cricket rather than have to face communicating with you or interacting with your fish-pocket......just a theory!
MingePootang on Fri 18 July 2008 said... And now you're just down on anything cricket. Come on, I'll fill you in if your desperate!
TheDuke on Fri 18 July 2008 said... Minge - You be good to MissC or you will get no sausage time tonight.
MissConduct on Fri 18 July 2008 said... MP, cricket is just not for me, I prefer motor sports.
LL82, a rather large apology to you, I find you highly amusing & very sharp.
Duke, for fucks sake help me out, I'm digging myself a big hole here! *jumps in with 20 Marlboro menthol & 8 bottles of Corona*
MingePootang on Fri 18 July 2008 said... Sorry Mr TheDuke! Sorry Mrs MissConduct! Come I come out and play with you again?
TheDuke on Fri 18 July 2008 said... Never apologise MissC. Cricket generally is for wankers. I'd sooner watch shit smell than watch that. Minge is a cock-monkey. Do not make me split your arse flaps again.
TheDuke on Fri 18 July 2008 said... Fuck i hate being called theduke. I'd sooner be called Barry.
MissConduct on Fri 18 July 2008 said... My arse flaps, Duke ?
BlartMonster on Fri 18 July 2008 said... *sits with Watney's red barrel party seven and huge packet of scampi fries to watch fight warming up*
TheDuke on Fri 18 July 2008 said... Nope, MissC. Im a gent. I meant Minge.
MissConduct on Fri 18 July 2008 said... 'Come I come', MP ?
MissConduct on Fri 18 July 2008 said... Pheweee, Duke. I was going to ask if rohypnol had been involved as I had no recollection of such an event.
MingePootang on Fri 18 July 2008 said... The Duke - yes your name is an expression of your cuntishness and I would change it quickly.
MissC - get a grip you pendantic fuck! I obviously can't afford Office and run my replies through grammer and spell checker like you. Try this though: Y-o-u a-r-e a c-u-n-t. Happy?
TheDuke on Fri 18 July 2008 said... *does the "dance of a thousand rapes". dons pink attack-mask. Double drops viagra and puts Minges address in Tom Tom*
TheDuke on Fri 18 July 2008 said... What the fuck's 'Office'? are you typing on a calculator attached to a microwave?
MissConduct on Fri 18 July 2008 said... MP, easy tiger, chillout/crack one off, whatever. Don't start pleading poverty that you can't afford Office. Being a grouchy cunt is not attractive. Single by any chance ?
MingePootang on Fri 18 July 2008 said... *Gets largest tub of "Lube-ur-tube" and prays Duke is not just another rapey dreamer boy.*
MissConduct on Fri 18 July 2008 said... Oh Duke, you are funny JUST LIKE LL82 (I'm arse licking because I offended her which wasn't my intention. Should I invite her for afternoon tea ?)
MissConduct on Fri 18 July 2008 said... *still trying to crack the Y-o-u-a-r-e a c-u-n-t' code set by the very wicked MongePootang*
Nadiestar on Fri 18 July 2008 said... No MissC just send her a copy of heat and a box of schwartz BE Blonde That'll pacify her
Nadiestar on Fri 18 July 2008 said... And never apologise even when they're removing your eyes with a spoon.
TheDuke on Fri 18 July 2008 said... Nah, LL82 as the skin of a rhino. She won't give a shit.
TheDuke on Fri 18 July 2008 said... What the fucks Lube-ur-tube. I want some. My chosen lube is marmalade. You have to becareful though. Abit of orange rind down the japs and you'll be squealing like a pig losing its virginity.
Nadiestar on Fri 18 July 2008 said... Does this mean she looks like a rhino? Is that the animal or the gladiator?
TheDuke on Fri 18 July 2008 said... I'm sure i've applied to go on gladiators. Should i be embarrassed?
MissConduct on Fri 18 July 2008 said... I really didn't want to offend anyone. Although Mingepootag seems like a 5* cunt
Nadiestar on Fri 18 July 2008 said... Never unless i release those pics on xtube of you being rimmed by a toothless midget.
MissConduct on Fri 18 July 2008 said... Duke, there are somethings you should keep to yourself ~ applying for Gladiators is one of them.
TheDuke on Fri 18 July 2008 said... He called himself Rumpleforeskin, Nadie. How could i not get a rimming from him?
TheDuke on Fri 18 July 2008 said... MissC - How about getting knocked out on the first round of Beat The Teachers?
MissConduct on Fri 18 July 2008 said... What was your weapon of choice ?
TheDuke on Fri 18 July 2008 said... Two pink dildo fists on a chain, like gay nunchuks.
MissConduct on Fri 18 July 2008 said... Can I have them back please Duke ?
TheDuke on Fri 18 July 2008 said... Errrrr, afraid not....i kinda traded them in for a straight boomerang...it never came back
TheDuke on Fri 18 July 2008 said... Why do you need two anyway? Greedy cow!
MissConduct on Fri 18 July 2008 said... Weapons & toys are like shoes/handbags/classic cars & motor bikes ~ if they make you happy/scream, double-up!
TheDuke on Fri 18 July 2008 said... Fair point *slaps in another butt-plug and whimpers*...i think we are the only two left on line.Kinda like the opening titles to The Equaliser when the woman is stood in the lift with bloke alone. Im sorry MissC. The mind cloud is descending. Im not in charge of myself. Run, RUNNNNNN!. dont look back *rips off clothes, puts on spikey cock ring, GROWLS and gives chase*
MissConduct on Fri 18 July 2008 said... You've got my spikey cock ring too ?! Duke, you gotta give the goods back.
P.S. Do you have my Copine dress from houseofharlot.com ?
TheDuke on Fri 18 July 2008 said... Errrrr no *puts on coat to guise 19th century streetwalker outfit*. I once got used by a woman who used a cock ring. Its old news but i still feel slightly annoyed.
MissConduct on Fri 18 July 2008 said... ....but secretly thrilled
TheDuke on Fri 18 July 2008 said... ...not for me. If shes used a self-owned cock ring on you, then theres no guessing on who wore it before you. I want to see the dates of receipt of purchase next time....not that that would stop me.
MissConduct on Fri 18 July 2008 said... I've never worn one, I'm willyless!
Hey, this thread has gone full circle - from Mark 'me sista's lezza lickin with Li Lo' Ronson, to - cock ring! See what we did Duke ?!
Well I have to bid thee farewell, gotta head up North and explain to the Baron 'n' Baroness why I'm not the CEO of PWC and that I want to move to California to live with a rock god. Wish me luck, they ain't gonna like it.
TheDuke on Fri 18 July 2008 said... Good luck then. Will that do? Im off to perform my bad deeds soon. Laters MissC. Pray for my victims souls.
MissConduct on Fri 18 July 2008 said... Sod the parents, the rock god & California, I'm coming out on a night with you. Sounds like a hoot, Duke! Where shall we meet ~ Ten Bells Pub (Jack the Rippers olde stomping ground) Commercial St. E1 ?
HeroicDose on Fri 18 July 2008 said... Don't do that, MC. He has a top hat and you want to meet him in Whitechapel? Do you want to end up with your breasts neatly arranged on a side table?
MissConduct on Fri 18 July 2008 said... HD! How are you ? (I'm not really going to the Ten Bells, it's very dirty in there and the music sucks).
TheCount on Fri 18 July 2008 said... 91 (now 92) responses? Fuck me, how much time have you people got on your hands?
MissConduct on Fri 18 July 2008 said... Lots, I've fractured my knee and can't move. No time on my hands, got a watch on my wrist though. Anyhow, bit nosey aren't you ?
TheCount on Fri 18 July 2008 said... Yes I am nosey. You can't move? Because of a fractured knee? What? You're in a full body cast, and traction, just for a fractured knee? How fucking girly are you? Snap out of it you freeloading slacker. FFS. My taxes are probably paying for your fucking sick leave. Jesus whept.
HeroicDose on Fri 18 July 2008 said... MissC, I'm fine thanks. I'm drinking salted oil from a vulture's skull. The vulture's still alive, I'm not cruel or anything. Have you had any knee-dreams?
MissConduct on Fri 18 July 2008 said... Count, I'm far from a slacker/freeloader and no sick leave for me. Quite girly, being a girl. No full body cast or traction, just resting up 'til the swelling goes down.
No need to be a cunt, Count.
TheCount on Fri 18 July 2008 said... Baah, I'm joking wit' ya. I'm a lover, not a fighter. But, seriously, I couldn't give a fuck about your knee. Stop whining.
MissConduct on Fri 18 July 2008 said... HD, no red vino in your drinks globe ?
MissConduct on Fri 18 July 2008 said... Count, don't recall putting in a sympathy request to you and relieved you don't give a fuck. I'd be disturbed if you did, you appear more painfull than 2 broken knee caps let alone 1 fractured one.
HeroicDose on Fri 18 July 2008 said... Oh, I'm on the red wine too MC. Actually most of it's on me.
MrBeefy on Fri 18 July 2008 said... A fractured knee sounds pretty bad. Hope the booze is helping.
HeroicDose on Fri 18 July 2008 said... Alright Beef Chief?
MrBeefy on Fri 18 July 2008 said... Not bad, HD. Am tanked up on beer and feeling no pain at all. You?
HeroicDose on Sat 19 July 2008 said... Drinking since lunch but it's not working properly. I blame Jesus. And Ironside.
MerylHighground on Sat 19 July 2008 said... Hero, I know it's long after the event, but may I formally congratulate you on that rather fine Ian Huntley joke?
TheCount on Sat 19 July 2008 said... MissC, you have no idea what pain I, nor those wretched scoundrels unfortunate enough to know me, go through. The suffering we endure on a daily basis is akin to having teeth pulled by David Blunkett.
SIKOSIS on Sat 19 July 2008 said... tell me about it. i been there, done that. he is a crap dentist.
EvilFecker on Sat 19 July 2008 said... I would like to fuck Mark Ronson. Once I am done with him, I'll then start with some of you. Thanks
PaulSkinback on Sat 19 July 2008 said... Is David Blunkett expensive?
HeroicDose on Sat 19 July 2008 said... Yes, he will rob you blind. Sorry.
TheDuke on Sat 19 July 2008 said... Thats so bad that its brilliant, HD
littleleopard82 on Sat 19 July 2008 said... HEAT !!! BE BLONDE !!! *gasps * the skin of a rhino ?! well firstly can i just say ... actually i'm stumped ...i just feel like i've lost my HM mojo , it all started after the gaffney post ....i just gaffered myself out andi've not been the same since ..
SIKOSIS on Sat 19 July 2008 said... He thinks he's expensive. I pay him in five pound notes and tell him they're fifties.
