THE CORNER
| Womens Hand Bags. | Dont worry...i've got my key...No, no...just give me a second....I have it here somewhere....im sure its here...have I lost it?...no, no...its really in here...oh where is it...ill just tip the contents of my disorganised life out of my vortex like bag all over the fucking place and have a hissy fit before finding it....for fucks sake! Just keep your key in your pocket you time wasting fuck lords! |
| Work "Mates" | Think they know all about you because they see you for a few hours a day at work. After a few casual chats you take little notice of, they then seem to talk as if they know all about you, your life, interests, and the smarmy ones seem to take glee on putting you down on the little things they have taken in completely the wrong context. Well fuck you, uneducated workmate, you know nothing about me and no amount of pretending will change that. You are an attractive person, this does not however mean I am going to leave my engagement and leap into your arms the first time you say anything nice to me. You have left the following impression on me: You are a two faced, self righteous little cunt that is entirely ignorant to fucking everything. I wish I hadn’t thought of you as a nice person and wasted those precious moments of my life talking to you, you silly little twat. |
| web designers | everyone skips your intros you cunts |
| Whoever invented the word 'chillax' | because it's annoying and I'm guessing it was an American. |
| Working girls | So a report tells us that in the UK for every £ a man earns a woman only earns 87p. The lazy bitch. |
| weather forecasters | you really are a useless bunch of cunts. Last weekend, it was going to be pissing with rain, what do we get, blazing sunshine with the odd cloud, not a fucking drop. What you predicting for December, temperatures reaching 30, high risk for hayfever sufferers. My grandad can forecast the weather better than you useless nobs, and he's been dead for five years. |
| Women with mobile phones | "oh i left it in the car", "it was in my handbag", "the battery was flat" ANSWER THE FUCKING THING!!! |
| WWTDD Posters | After seeing that rather harsh article on Hilary Duff, I was fucking astounded to read what people were writing below! Is it just 15 year old frustrated Stifler wannabe boys that visit that site or should I start despairing? The comments are fucking disgusting, and I don't think in an ironic amusing HM type of way. What's she gained, like a stone or something? Big fucking deal! Is it any bastard wonder that so many women hate themselves when websites like that will whip up a shit storm over a few pounds? Fucking vile! |
| Winner of Apprentice | Youre a cunt Now thats what I'm Talking About |
| Wayne and Colleen | Mr and Mrs Shrek |
| weekend drug users | "Yeah - getting a gram this weekend" Wow your so fucking cool. Your buying something which has caused more death the Aids, more war than Bush and pain and suffering than the next Keane album. Next time you decided to shove that £40 up your nose and spend the night talking self indulgent shit - remember the kids that have died fighting for the Cartels. The kids that have died in gangs trying to control this shit on the streets and the police that have died trying to stop them. Remember the pensioner who was kicked over and robbed and left to die on the street all for a tenner so some junky could get a quick fix. Spare one fucking thought for all the kids who are born Herion dependant because their parents decided that chasing the dragon is a little more fun than being a fucking adult. Remember that 80% of all violent crime is committed under the influence of narcotics You stupid stupid wankers |
| Wayne Rooney in Ibiza | You can just picture it can't you? A bunch of wanky footballers acting like a bunch of cunts. What's the bet he has one final bang on a withered up old crone |
| Website roll-over adverts | The bastard child of the 'pop up' |
| Walkers Crisps | 10 crisps per bag is taking the fucking piss. Sort it out. |
| Women with 5 kids going to school | So fucking many of 'em, can't you cunts just say no, or does the big imaginary sky fairy keep urging you to spawn more religious indoctrinates ? Enjoy consuming all the worlds resources you clueless bastards. |
| Weddings | Why is it that all the people whose weddings I've been to recently have forgotten the basic deal? I buy you a present and spend a fortune on the hotel/taxis, new outfit etc etc and in return you give me free food and booze. The deal is NOT that I spend a fortune on all of the above only to get to the do and be given ONE measly fucking glass of fucking Cava, then be directed to the bar where I am asked to pay in the region of £10 for a fucking drink. Cheap fuckers. We all know you're only doing this so you can kit your house out with shite from Habitat and House of Fraser but if you don't keep up your end of the bargain then you can stick your overpriced wedding list up your fucking arse. |
| Woody Allen | I worshipped you once, but there has been a sad decline in the last ten years, now you trundle out mediocre, middle class, unfunny shite and call it a film that no one wants to see...going from pillar to post, searching for a country that stills reveres you. When Julia Roberts fell in love with your character in 'Everyone Says I Love You', that's when you lost all sense of perspective and just looked like a dirty old man, living out a sad fantasy...Please stop, and let us remember you how you were. |
| work | You see me nodding and smiling while you witter on about some meeting we need to have urgently - I'm actually thinking about ramming your Blackberry so far up your arse it gets wedged in your throat and chokes you. It depresses me that you actually think what we do here is important. |
| Westminster Council | For trying to ban congregating outside pubs in Soho, and trying to stop smokers for being outside for "any longer than necessary." What is this, a police state??? As anyone who has worked or drunk in the Soho area, one of the nicest things about it is that people all stand outside and drink, creating a fun but relaxed atmosphere throughout the area. I have worked in Soho for the past two years and not once have I seen violent and anti-social behaviour from outdoor drinking. The pubs are so small and there are so many of us working here we HAVE to spill out on the street when we visit our local. All this will do is lose custom for our cherished boozers. Madness. Why don't they crack down on an actual problem instead of punishing landlords and people looking to unwind? MASSIVE MASSIVE CUNTS!!!! |
| Women's FA Cup Final | Slap on a bit of make-up sweetheart, swap that baggy shirt and shorts for a bikini and drop that full-back with the big forehead and you might be on to something. |