THE CORNER
| Lee Hurst | For going mental at a stand-up gig in Guildford, smashing an innocent punter's phone before calling him a c*** and storming off stage in Guildford |
| London's 8 minutes of the closing ceremo | People dancing at a bus stop with umbrellas and newspapers. What the fuck was that all about ? ..if anyone really did that in London they'd get stabbed. If they wanted to truly represent London they should have had a musical chorus of scabby crackheads dancing outside the post office waiting for there benefits , triumphantly toasting there can of White Lightning in the air to the ease in which they have managed to milk the system in the country. |
| London 2012 party | The Feeling, Scouting for Girls, Will Young and McFly.... Jesus, the World's eyes are on us and this is the best you can come up with! |
| London Olympics | Suggestion for a mascot for London 2012 - needs to be something that epitomises the culture and identity of the host country. Knife-wielding teenage eastern European prositute drug-dealer married to a premiership footballer, living in a council flat on benefits should do the trick. |
| Lazy journalists | 'Are A-Levels getting easier?' 'Can journalists not think of a new angle to the same fucking story we hear every year?' |
| London Tourists | For stopping at the top of escalators; right outside the tube train door; in the middle of the pavement; wearing multi-coloured bin-bags to keep the rain off;being generally stupid enough to think that your lives will be much better once you've 'done' *insert landmark*; wearing chino shorts with socks and sandles, having fat, ignorant children, having pock-marked skin from consuming burgers, clogging up a perfectly charming city and generally being sub-human. |
| Late night swimmers | "Man drowns in Ibiza... went for a swim after night club" "Teen drowns in Spain tragedy... went swimming on way home from pub" "Woman missing in Portugal... last seen wading into sea in early hours" If you get plastered and go for a swim and drown then you're a stupid cunt and that's all there is to it. |
| Lazy British Athletes | Any British athlete who says 'I'm just here for the experience' in an interview should be stripped off their funding. |
| Lenny Henry | I don't need to see your massive, unfunny head telling me what you think of The Mighty Boosh. |
| long distance romance | has transformed me from a fairly level headed, normal guy into a hormonal menstrual woman. no responders please, i don't think my uterus could handle it. |
| Liz McLarnon | With a face that looks like you are looking into the back of a spoon, I am sick of the sight of you already and your perky scouse 'i carnt beleeeve it'. You won a cookery programme for fucks sake. Just piss off. |
| Lovebox | With a line-up from the who's who of obscure bands/djs this always had the potential for being a let-down. Got there mid afternoon and then proceeded to queue for fucking ages for a beer. Then joined another queue to let the said beer back out in the form of a piss. Saw Groove Armada who were excellent, but let down by a shite sound system. Then stood amongst a load of pill munching ravers listening to another shite sound system then it was all over. Brilliant. 45 quid to stand in a fucking queue and strain to listen to anything due to the woefully under powered speakers. Thanks a lot you rip off cunts. |
| Last Choir Standing | I would rather inject a combination of the AIDS and Ebola viruses into my bell-end than watch this group of tone deaf cunts try and warble their way to victory. The WORST SHOW EVER PRODUCED. |
| London water | For being packed full of Estrogen and giving me man boobs :( |
| Liz Jones | Now I thouroughly enjoyed reading her coloum every week as she became more and more of a doormat to her (quite sexy) husband before eventually he fainlly came to his senses and left her but her faux Glastonbury peice really fucked me off. Not least because of what she said about Jay Z saying 'fuck Bush' along with a sarky comment about how profound it was. had she actually opened her ancient fucking ears for a second she would have heard the entire peice he did before this about Bushs' complete inaction/reaction to New Orleans. Stupid old cunting harridan. Deserves to die alone and eaten by her multitude of cats. |
| Lulu | Almost as annoying as that stupid cunt Leslie Garrett . Why does she feel the need to sing all the time? You have a shit voice, and you had 1 massive single released about 80 years ago. Do fuck off you craggy faced scottish bint |
| Linda Robson | Because where the police, the government and society in general has failed, some ropey charver bint from a crappy sitcom will indisputably succeed in stopping knife crime by climbing on the free publicity bandwagon. Back to the launderette with you, you gimlet-eyed, B&H chaining harridan. |
| Lenny Henry on Radio 4 | Saying he doesn't see what people see in Bob Dylan and his music. That's rich coming from this talentless cunt who keeps popping up like an attack of genital herpes. Annoying cunt. |
| Linford Christie | "for me track and fireld and what i did in sport is like going to war......" yeah right. |
| Local Betterware Representative | Right. You shove a shit brochure I didn't ask for, full of crap products I didn't even realise I didn't want, through my letterbox, into my house. Having thrown the product of your fly-tipping in the bin, you then post me twice weekly reminders asking for the fucking thing back so you can foist it on some other fucker. And now, to top it all, you expect me to phone you, at my expense, to arrange a time for you to collect your crappy, plebby pamphlet. Here's the deal. 1. Fuck off. 2. Fuck off. 3. Come back and fuck off again. |