THE CORNER
| ITV | One day a few years ago - An ITV executive was reading the Daily Star. He got past the "news" section. He passed the "whats on TV" secton. He found himeslf with six pages dedicated to problem pages, premium rate phone lines for bogus competitions, "Free Porn" offers and horoscopes. "This" he declared "Is what TV should be about" |
| Iggy Pop | Look, I don't know much about you but I've just seen a recent picture of you and man, you look like a right penis. Let it go dude. |
| Isaac Hayes | Because he was a fucking miserable cunt when i saw him live and he didn't even see the funny side to people waving banners that said 'hello children' and he refused to play 'Chocolate Salted Balls'. |
| ITV "Holiday Advice" Shows | Without this show i would not have known that 1. In the sun you should wear suncream 2. Dont give complete strangers your passport, bank account information or children 3. Dont rent a hire car from a place called "Rip off Nigels" 4. The food might taste different 5. Most thomas Cook resorts have a "Kings Head" - so its not all bad ITV - we are not all brain dead fuck wits. Some of us were not up the duff at 12. Some of us dont have a collection of ASBO's proudly displayed on our mantlepeice. Some of us dont even aspire to own a barrat home. Some day soon we will have tinky winky reading us the fucking news* *if anyone from ITV is reading that they will be shouting "What a fucking great idea" |
| ITV's 'Who Dares Sings' | Well despite the show being another addition to ITV's collection of shite saturday night entertainment , it's more Ben Shephard and Denise Van Outen that I wish to add to the corner. Everytime they sing a line to some crappy kareoke favourite, with their fake painted on smiles, and bustin' a move that can only be seen at a wedding reception, you can justify two possible cases of knife crime as being knife justice. Pricks! |
| Ian | The Radio 4 PM listener who just emailed Eddie Mair to tell him that the temperature today where he lives is: "the same as if I had just ran the length of three football pitches on a cool day". What a cunt. |
| Itunes Festival on ITV2 | Presented by Dave Berry and Peaches Geldof. Need I say more? |
| Indie music | I'm old enough to remember when indie music meant music released on independant labels, rather than just white middle class boys strumming guitars singing about how edgy Dalston/Whitechaple/New Cross is, and how they do drugs, mum. |
| Ironic acoustic cover versions | Up and coming indie band? Want to get on radio 1? Cover Umbrella or Spinning Around and you are a dead cert on getting played. You are however cunts for doing so |
| ITV | Providing us with a shit sandwich with extra shit since 1955. |
| Indiana Jones and the Search for a Decen | What a waste of my fucking night. You have a son? from that old hag from the first film? FFS! Chuck in some killer ants, some swinging through trees with monkeys, abit of grooming of your sword weilding son (for the next crap installment, once you've kicked the bucket).... and lets not forget the stargate aliens to just top off this wank film nicely. Utter pish. Cunty-cuntyyy-cunty-cunt-----cunty-cuntyyy-cunty-cunt-cunt-cunt-cunt |
| ITV Lunchtime News | For completely ignoring the cyclone in Burma that has killed nearly 4000 people and having Prince Harry getting a 'medal' as their top story instead. |
| I'd Do Anything BBC | Has no-one realised that Nancy gets bludgeoned to death in Oliver? Why would you want to play that character? |
| Ian Wright Globe Trekker | This fucking cunt (not the footballer/gladiator presenter) but the fucking divvy common scum cunt that presents Globe Trekker on sky travel channel. A true prize prick, rude, disrespectful cunt, with no redeeming features. Short arse cunt got his job through fucking his way in or though family, surely? Has no idea on how to speak to locals, please act like a civil human being. No wonder most of the world hates Brits abroad. It's cunts like this one that make us seem like uneducated fools. Watch the show and you will see why he should be honoured into the corner hall of fame. |
| Ian Curtis | Because having read Touching From A Distance, it has become clear he wasn't a genius, or a hero. He was a complete egotistical, self-indulgent, narcissistic and selfish little turd. With dreams of not living past 25, in the vein of Chatterton and James Dean. No ingenuity here, just a case of cuntdom. |
| Irish Prime Minister Bertie Ahern | "The money was just resting in my account!" |
| ITV | Rock Rivels is scraping the bottom of the barrel for sure - a very expensive barrel that louis has wanked in and sharon has puked in - but still a barrel non the less |
| ITV News | Special reports from Afghanistan on the misery throughout Britain from the heroin trade. Apart from the dealers and addicts who are getting a load of free skag and are making a fucking fortune and of course ITV news who will no doubt manage a special report in six months time about the cheap heroin flooding the uk. To top this they run yet another Brass Eye style peado special showing the "Bed that hasn't been slept in for four days" and needlessly playing the 999 call of the poor woman whose kid it is. Then top it all off with a story about a chicken with a tumour, total cunts. There are surely laws about this type of pseudo journalistic bilge, makes the One show look like the unbearable likeness of being. |
| Irvine Welsh | You've drained the well dry, mate. Move on... |
| Impatient Commuters | Yes it is 5:30pm and yes we all want to get home to our microwave meals and glasses of cheap wine. However, next time you step on the tube train before I have get off you anxious little cunts I will hold your eager heads in the doors as they repeatably shut. |