THE CORNER
| Guns, Knives and Broken Lives | There is so much I want to rip into this program about,too much, so I will isolate one part of it: Why is it everytime we see these programs, there is always a section which involves a smartly dressed man 'giving these kids a chance to break free' in a reccording studio to be a rap artist? Do they all think they are the next Puff Daddy or Timberland? What kind of deluded dream is that? Its the hardest industry in the world to get into. Talk about narrowing down your options. What about going to the job centre? Even at times like these people are still employing. What about starting an apprenticeship as a tradesman? GET A FUCKING JOB!!! if you have an interest in music, fine, most people i know who do, have it as a hobby, funded by their job in the realistic hope that one day they might make it. Go to job centre, get a local paper or go on the internet (on your WAP phone which you have stolen) and find a job and fall in line. Otherwise just rot, or end up shot, stabbed or in prison. But when the time comes don't look to blame anybody else other than yourselves. Lazy Deluded Cunts. Prove me wrong please. (Innit) |
| GLASTONBURY 08 BBC Coverage | That fuckwit Edith and the blowhole that is Zane Lowe ! They are both the results of DIDDY WANKS.. They think they are fucking it and everything is unbelievable, heroic and fantastic and all they are describing is some Middle class A level student drop out playing the Ceral Box stage at GLASTO.... They make everything "indie" BAD in their AC/DC T- shirts and Flip fucking Flops. They are so IRONIC im surprised Alanis Morisette has'nt sung about them... Their Headgirl of Cool Jo Whiley is just a cringe worthy semi grown up version of those two fuckwits... She so hip it hurts in a middle class styleeee.... Patronizing depressing viewing...........Cunts the lot of them but thats giving cunts a bad name............... |
| Gabriella Cilmi | For being 16 I feel so very wrong, I massively had the horn for her before I found out her age. |
| Gareth McLean | For writing possibly the most po-faced Guardian column ever, on 'I just don't get Top Gear'. And for having a go at the presenters' (admittedly crap) hairstyles whilst looking like a Hoxton Square offshoot himself. http://blogs.guardian.co.uk/tv/2008/06/_to_be_filed_under.html |
| Gaz Top | When discussing educational methods in schools: ' I want someone who is going to be enthusiastic about quadrilateral equations!'. What the FUCK is a quadrilateral equation you stupid fucker? Hardly John Stuart Mill are you you cunt. Stick to sniffing glue you lispy CUNT. |
| George Lamb | As bad as Zezi Ifore is, at least she doesn't shout "Shabba" over songs on the radio. We get it, George, It's a Phoenix Nights reference. Get with the program, dickhead. |
| George Lamb with Big Brother | Impossible to determine which in this combination is the bigger cunt. Er, probably me for taking two minutes out of a pretty fantastic life to submit this. |
| Geri Halliwell # 2 | also for saying "Bluebell has such a healthy attitude to food". Of course she does she is 2 fucking years old, but lets see for how long.... |
| Geri Halliwell | "Fame doesnt feed my soul like it used too" she told Hello magazine whilst doing an 18 page spread about her daughters 2nd birthday. |
| Gordon Brown | Please, please stop smiling. For a start, it's obvious that your 'people' have told you to smile more - as it makes you look sincere. Trouble is Gordon, is that you only remember to do this once in a while and you smile at the wrong time. For instance, "Al Qaeda are probably planning a summer campaign of bombing all over *flashes sudden grin* the UK" *looks serious again* Obviiously the British public have to be vigilant *sunny grin* at all times". Also, the actual smile itself is as sinister as someone wearing clown make up and slowly sharpening a big butcher's knife. Stop. It. Now. |
| George Galloway | Planning to sue the TV cop show The Bill for defamation over corrupt MP character featured in recent episode. 'The similarities were uncanny' said a spokesman for George. No fucking shit! Cunt! |
| Guns & Roses | For ensuring that no one can sing Bob Dylan's 'Knocking on Heavens Door" without putting that fucking annoying 'ay, ay, ay ay yeah' bit in between the chorus lines....and for generally being tossers. |
| GTA IV | Ok, so i didn't really like the other games in the series, but after hearing the world and his fucking wife banging on about how this is the BEST GAME EVER i thought I'd give it the benefit of the doubt and give it a go. So i trotted off the HMV, reluctantly handed over ÂŁ40 of my hard earnt cash, and went home to put it in my XBox. Game starts. Sweet. This is gonna be fun. Game plays (quite a long) intro movie to 'set the scene'. After about 10 minutes i'm pumped and ready for action. So I'm wandering round like a headless chicken while the game is explaining loads of shit to me about how if i'm hungry i can buy food and if i want to relax i can go home and watch TV. Listen here GTA IV, if i want to watch TV i'll turn my fucking X-Box off and stick some Peep Show on. I don't need to spend 40 quid on a computer game for that. Hurry the fuck up, i want to get some killing done. But oh wait, i don't have a gun, i have to earn the fucking respect of the game first before i do that. By this point i'm getting restless, but i'll stcik with it. Finally, a mission. I've got to go and pick up my brother's girlfriend and her mate and take them back to her house. What the fuck, i thought i was meant to be murdering prostitues, not being a fucking cab driver to my fake brother's fake girlfriend. Stick with it, it'll get good soon. So i drop off the girls at the house and one of them asks me if i want to go on a date. We end up going bowling. What the fuck?! I'm going on pretend dates with pretend women? Why the fuck do i want to do that? She asks me if i want to play pool. Fuck off, if i want to play pool i'll go out and PLAY POOL. I press on. I finally get a gun. It's only a shitty pistol but it's better than nothing. I'm told to drive somewhere so i steal a car and before i know it the cops are after me. For fucks sake i now have to drive around ignoring my objecitve while i try and get away from the fucking police, avoiding other cars and buildings and lamp posts in the process. Fucking hell this is tedious. I finally lose the cops and drive to my destination, hoping for the action to start. but no, it just plays a bit of a movie, and whne the movie finishes i'm told to drive somewhere else. Cue the process starting all over again. AND THIS IS ALL THAT HAPPENS. You're told to drive somewhere and when you get there it plays out a bit of a movie and then you're told to drive somehwere else and when you get there it plays out a bit of a movie and then you're told to drive somewhere else and then it plays out a bit of a movie. In the middle of that you're trying not to accidentally crash into any police cars which can be pretty fucking difficult at times. Even when you're driving you're not really paying attention to the scenery because you're following a line on a map, so essentially half the game is spent looking at a line. Great. what a bundle of fun this is. And for all the people that bang on about how "it's so amazing, you can just go for a drive if you don't feel like doing a mission." Listen here you cunt, if i want to go for a drive i'll get in my fucking car. If i want to go on a date i'll ask a girl. And if i want to work out in the gym i'll go to the fucking gym. I buy computer games to NOT do all those things. GTA IV, you're a boring, tedious, overrated cunt. |
| Gwyneth Paltrow | So Gywnie, having had a 2 year sabbatical, bemoans that reviving her Hollywood career is difficult because “there is always somebody younger or prettier or hotter”. No shit - having raked in a huge fee for a performance in Iron Man as limp as a leaf of wilted spinach, has this women no shame? Not forgetting the fact that she has endured the most nepotistic of launches into the industry. Stop whoring yourself around on six-inch heels , women. You’re a shit. And I bet she didn’t fly to Nice by EasyJet. |
| Geri Halliwell | I know up-ward drawls may have been roasted on here before but im sorry,this ginger twat was fuckin excruciating to watch on last nights F-word,every fuckin time she opened her gob she curled the last word up,why Geri? U aint a yank and im not sure what that shit u do is meant to be yank,and whats worse Gordon the "biggest" piss taker on telly didnt even rip u for it,u pug nosed cunt!! And so Gordon for falling for her ginger charms and not ruining her for talking like an absolute washed up cunt that she is,bollocks to u both in equal measures. Fuckbags. |
| Gwyneth Paltrow | She's like the friend that only rings when she wants something. |
| Geri Halliwell | Talk about over exposure! Got a book out have we? |
| Gunmans chambers | One of his colleagues said: "This is a personal tragedy. It is nothing to do with the chambers. Our thoughts are with his family." My arse ! "Nothing to do with the chambers" Yor first thoughts were about yourselves you typically cuntish legal twat! |
| Goldfrapp | From cool and trendy electronic music, to stuff that's about as interesting a piss stain. How can you do this? Rachel Stevens won't know which musical direction to head into next! Poor bitch! |
| Gary Dourdan | Plays CSI Warwick on CSI:Vegas. Stupid cunt got caught with Heroin, Ecstasy, cocaine and 'other drugs' in his car last night by the local police. Fuckin' ell Gary, I'd have thought the last thing you'd want to do is be caught 'snoozing' in your car, door open, sprawled half in and half out with the interior light on. Why not have a flashing neon sign put on the roof with a big arrow pointing downwards saying, "COPS! CUNT SMASHED OUT OF HIS SKULL ON CLASS A'S HERE!" |