THE CORNER
| FrenchDuke | I know this prick. He is a self obsessed wank stain with a tiny penis. |
| Food 'Heroes' posters | Fucking hell, the fat cunts are back. "Bacon Sandwiches! Woooagh, food of the gods! Chocolate! It's nice! Pies! The king of food!" This isn't the Loaded letters page, you sausage-fingered gutbuckets. Waddle off and die. |
| Forensic Psychologists | This Christopher Foster murder / arson / suicide case in Oswestry? Yes it's all very tragic but the Forensic Psychologists have missed a golden opportunity when interviewed about his motives. 'So what was going through his mind do you think?' 'A .22 rifle bullet is my best guess.' |
| I know it's been here before...but I've just had to block a friend so I could escape stop her constant wittering 'updates'. Updates from her honeymoon for cunting outloud. Nothing saucy either just utter drivel, like this glorious piece: 'Boo hoo hoo..only 3 days left of my honeymoon...but missing u all' If my wife went near a computer during our honeymoon I'd fucking drown her in the sea and blame it on a pedalo accident. I hope your husband's shafting the maid whilst you're off being a facebook cuntwhore. | |
| Facebook - The Movie | http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/7585632.stm Oh for FUCK'S SAKE. This redefines cuntdom. Just make sure you get people speaking at 100mph in it like everything else you make eh Aaron you overly wordy wank bucket. |
| Frankie Boyle | Because I think he's crap. |
| Fabio Capello | Steve Mclaren with better hair. |
| Festival goers | They're all televised now so what is the point of going? Get an HD TV, a good sound system, get your mates round, get the booze in and enjoy. No more sleeping in a smelly tent, on a muddy field, next to a bunch of stinking hippies. Wake up, in your own bed, shower, shit and a shave, nice breakfast, stick your TV on and go again. And you save a fortune. 3 or 4 festivals and you've paid your TV off. Done. |
| Frank Lampard | for some reason 'The Sun' and 'News of the World' have a strange facsination with the fat overpaid piss flap. |
| Frank Lampard | "I feel for sure I've made 100 per cent the right decision, for myself, for my family and for Chelsea football club." I'm personally very happy and I hope I've made the Chelsea fans happy" "I had to make a decision for myself and this club has been very, very good to me. sack of absolute shite. the reason he's happy is cos he's managed to milk the death of his mum to wangle £35mil out of a football club, when most people today cant even afford petrol. if you really loved the club you'd give the money back to the club or to charity, fucking over rated moronic cunt |
| Frustrated and bitter HM readers | I am 24 years old, above average height, public school educated and a Conservative voting man. I have an average sized penis, I have slept with both men and women although I do favour the latter and I am one of the 'celebs' that you all so despise. I have been on the television and I am most definitely Z list by your fantastically high standards of fame or coolness. Frankly I couldn't give a two hoots. I also have a fantastic job in the City waiting for me, which I did get through my fathers connections. I don't work particularly hard, and I'm not particularly good at it but I do earn in excess of £250,000 per annum. It suits me just fine and despite my physical limitations money buys me an awful lot of attention, I'm sure you understand what I mean. I don't listen to music, film bores me, theatre I find dull and art is for investing in. I was introduced to Holy Moly by an old school friend, who suggested that I would find it interesting and it would also provide me with a different perspective. I'm not too sure what it meant but I do have to say that I like my life. Or to be a little more definite, I have a magnificent life. I went to one of Britain's finest and oldest schools and despite a terms fees being in excess of the majority of your annual incomes I do have to say, it was money very well spent. I breezed into and through Uni. and my friends include this countries banking, business and no doubt political leaders of the future. I keep digressing but what I really wanted to say is that I find you all quite amusing. A rather nice distraction in fact so please keep up the good work, because you really do bring pleasure to people that you will never be fortunate enough to meet. |
| Free Tibet campaigners | Just what do you think waving a flag and taking a kicking from the Chinese police will acheive??? China will suddenly realise that perhaps they are wrong to treat Tibet badly? Yearh right...Just fuck off back to your parents house and plan getting a real job...Cunts |
| Facebook fans | Anthony Sideparting has become a fan of Red Dwarf. Susan Plumspender has become a fan of Daniel Bedingfield. John Curtains has become a fan of orange fruit pastilles. Peter Skytrousers quite likes dulux paint. Fuck off |
| Flatmates | Bog Roll and Cleaning Products don't get delivered by little pixies during the night you fuckers. Put your hand in your pockets and chip in you cheap bastards. And while we're at it, stop nicking my bacon. |
| Facebook Cunts | Oh fuck my life, Lord. 'People you might know'... Dick Darstardly Muttley Eddi Grant Jesus etc etc etc all because I have mutual 'friends' in common with them. Which actually translates as some fuckwitted chav whore that I probably worked with once or went to school with has added them in some attempt to be funny. |
| Festival Wristband wearers after the eve | You went to a festival, good for you. So did the other 100, 000 people at the event. Why do you have to wear your wristband for the next six months until its dirtier than a hookers sleeve? Dirty attention seeking cunts. |
| Fearne Cotton | Fearne has used the word 'Reviewage' when talking about film reviews. Actually she shouted the word like she does with everything! Come back Edith Bowman - all is forgiven! |
| Festival frequenters | "I've been to Isle of White, going to Glasto at the weekend and I'll probably squeeze in Reading and V over the summer." Oh how cool and bohemian of you. |
| Freixenet | Promoted by the makers as being as classy as champagne. It's the most foul-tasting, despicable excuse for Cava I have ever tasted. I don't usually mind the taste of Cava but this is disgusting. As for it being marketed as an alternative to champagne, they're deluding themselves. I much prefer champagne and I think I would rather gouge my eyes out with a rusty spoon than let a drop more of this urine-coloured, fetid excuse for a drink pass my lips. And I bet you the majority of its sales are generated in Essex. |
| forming relationships on Myspace | How the fuck can you consider being in a relationship with someone you've never met? Does cyber foreplay on each other's pages confirm this? I can't believe some of my friends do this! You bunch of deluded twunts. |