THE CORNER
| Ch4 | Last week the Secret Policeman's Ball, and this week Peter Kay's self indulgant bag of bollocks. What next week? Brian Conley? |
| charlie brooker | your vitriol is starting to feel forced. no one likes big brother mate, stop banging on about it. and well done for ripping off Shaun of the Dead. |
| Chris Moyles - you utter tripe hole | He really did used to be funny! Back in the days of the drive time show. Yes, I admit I am probably an utter tit-wank for listening to Radio 1 anyway but for fuck's sake. At least once a week I text in telling him to sod off to Radio 2 you vile fat wanksore. |
| Centre Aligned Posts | Look! Look how shit this looks. What a pile of Holymoly shit. Stop fannying about and do something decent for once you bunch of half-witted, coke-addled celebrity junkies. |
| Couple wearing 'Trendy Shades' on the tu | You are underground.... seriously, under the ground.... Have you ever just stopped and asked yourself 'WHY?'.... |
| Channel4 lapdancing outrage | Black and white undercover footage. I expect High Def pink if they want any licence fee cash. |
| Cold Sores and Chaffed Lips | seem to always appear without fail this time of year! |
| Comedian Sue Perkins | Hello? Yes, could you get me the telephone number for the Trading Standards Office? I'd like to report an infringement of the Trades Description Act. |
| credit crunch | So the banks employ wankers who send us all down the bowl to make a fast buck, and when it all goes tits up they get a nice bail out, but for the guy in the street, well he can just look forward to a comfy night in a cardboard box, what a pile of shit, and the media just make the whole thing worse by putting the fear of God into everyone. What a mess. |
| Cocaine | Talk Bollocks for an hour then cant sleep for 10 hours, feel like shit for 3 days! but you still do it again And a this for just £50! buyers & sellers both cunts! P.S. The same results can be had from watching the X factor! |
| Christmas cunting catalogues | What happened to the credit crunch? |
| Coins on top of notes | You'd think that someone who spends their entire working life behind a cashier, and has probably bought something all on their own before, would have the presence of mind to give you the notes FIRST to put them in the note part of your wallet, and the coins SECOND so you can put them in the pocket part of your wallet. But no. Not even when you make a point of taking the notes first, they hold onto them and put the coins there just to piss you off. YES YOU DUMB BITCH, GIVE ME MY MONEY BACK LIKE THAT WHILE I'M CRADLING MY WALLET, A BAGUETTE (which you just wiped the fucking counter down with). CUNTS. Get it the fuck right you douchebags. |
| constipated | miliband's face during brown's speech. |
| Cheryl Baker | Bland, inoffensive singer with bland, inoffensive Bucks Fizz - should have kept her birth name of Rita Crudgington and given us all an even bigger laugh at her expense. |
| Cold sores | Bubbling, festering, horrific scabs of doom that people stare at when they're talking to you, and that crack and bleed when you shout "CUNTS!" at the TV, and that take fucking ages to fuck the fuck off, the fuckers. I fucking hate cold sores. |
| Channel 4 trails | Incessant repetition of trailers at every available commercial break. Fuck off we know how to read a programme listing. Insecure cunts. |
| Cling film | I just want to cover a small bowl of leftovers without the need to call for assistance. Awkward to handle, see-through fucker! |
| Carla Bruni-Sarkozy | Saucy French lyrics and a come hither smirk do not disguise the fact that this is acoustic elevator music. Jools, get your sycophantic head out from under the First Lady's skirt, you old perv. |
| Cheeky Girl's mum | First she makes one of them get engaged to that victorian freakshow - Lembit. Now she's taking pictures of their tiny tits to show to the world. Mum of the year is wrapped up. |
| Cunts | You've been to see RocknRolla which means you're eagerly anticipating the next Oasis album which means you read Nuts magazine which means you have a screensaver of Keeley Hazell on your work monitor which means you work in a suburban town in a large customer services call centre which means you drive a Saxo at worst, Golf at best which means you drive it down the same pub you've been going to since you were 18 with the same mates which means you leave it at the pub and get a local taxi back to your 2 bed Barrats box which means you stick a Rustlers in the Microwave once home and put on TMF before you go to bed which means you go to sleep knowing you're a cunt whose life is going absolutely no where! |