1. NEWSMOUND
(Holy News / News)

WHAT'S GOING ON ELSEWHERE ON THE INTERNET?

2. CHASING BATS
(Holy News / News)

SNOW PATROL ALBUM DELAYED BY BAT INVASION

3. STAND BY ME
(Holy News / News)

DONALD SUTHERLAND TALKS ABOUT WRITING LETTERS TO KIEFER WHEN HE WAS IN PRISON

4. SLACK EYED PEAS
(Holy News / News)

FERGIE MISTAKEN FOR A TRAMP

5. SUMMERTIME BLUES
(Holy News / News)

PAULA ABDUL PLANS NEW ALBUM THIS SUMMER

6. OOPS, I... ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
(Holy News / News)

BRITNEY MISSES THE START OF HER LATEST COURT HEARING

7. CAT ON HEAT
(Holy News / News)

CAT DEELEY IS DESPERATE FOR A MAN

8. THE SISTERS GRIM
(Holy News / News)

SIENNA MILLER AND KATE MOSS ARE FRIENDS AGAIN

9. TARNISHED BALLS
(Holy News / News)

DAVID BECKHAM FAILS TO SEE CANCER CHILDREN IN AUSTRALIA

10. OBLIGATORY YOUTUBE CLIP!
(Holy News / News)

MEL GIBSON REFUSES TO SIGN TWO AUTOGRAPHS

11. WEST(LIFE) WORLD
(Holy News / News)

WESTLIFE WOULD LIKE ROBBIE WILLIAMS TO JOIN THE BAND

12. HAMAS ALL, FOLKS!
(Holy News / News)

REJOICING IN MIDDLE EAST AS BRYAN ADAMS CANCELS CONCERT

13. THE ITALIAN SLOB
(Holy News / News)

JAMIE OLIVER TO OPEN ITALIAN RESTAURANT CHAIN

14. EYESORE WILL FOLLOW
(Holy News / News)

BONO IS DETERMINED TO RUIN THE DUBLIN SKYLINE

15. I'm Still Standing, unfortunately
(Holy News / News)

Elton John puts comfort before death in suicide attempt

16. Catch Thieves Just Like Flies and go to the Spider-Man 3 Premiere
(Holy News / News)

Win tickets to the star-studded Spider-Man 3 premiere at the Odeon Leicester Square

17. Michael Jackson: Still Bonkers
(Holy News / News)

Michael Jackson has asked for a robotic statue of himself as a requirement to play Las Vegas

18. Michael Jackson: Still Bonkers
(Holy News / News)

Michael Jackson demands 50ft robot statue of himself for stage appearance

19. Boris Johnson moaners
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

... old Italian woman. Believe it or not, a ten headed Conservative alien will not climb through your bedroom windows and take all your money/oppress you/shoot your grouse. You're acting like he is liter...

20. Chain-Email Forwarders
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

If I get that fucking "Spot bad drivers as they have flags on the windows" email forwarded to me from one more fucking person, I swear I will kill the cunt. Get a life, you band-wagon-jumping cunts!

21. Earthquake
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

...ic twats i didn't feel a fucking thing. It was probably the equivalent of a HGV going past and shaking the windows a little......

22. Gas Barbecues
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

What's the point? Build a kitchen outside or open the fucking kitchen windows. The cry 'let's have a barbecue' should follow with beer, petrol (or meths), a box of matches, scorched eyebrows, grief f

23. ITV Website
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

- You must have Internet Explorer v5.5 (I install it) - You must have Windows Media Player v9 or higher (I install it) - You must have Adobe Flash Player (ditto) - You must update

24. Letting agents
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

Take 9% a month to tell me it'll cost £50 - 50 fucking quid mind - to clean the windows well enough to get my deposit back. You fucking ''orrible cunts. How do they sleep at night? On a mattress ma

25. Microsoft Windows XP
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

Would you just stop fucking around with windows XP? I keep getting errors with my illegal copy which is really pissing me off. "You may be a victim of software counterfieting." No i fucking stole your

26. Recycling mad councils
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

Blue bin for glass tins bottles, red bin for papers and envelopes but not envelopes with windows, grey bin for cardboard, garden waste and dog shit and a black bin for anything else! There is fuck al

27. Smile! You're on CCTV
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

...blu-tacked this sign to his shop window makes me want to put on a balaclava and burst the sarcastic cunt's windows. Who's smiling now twat boy?...

28. telewest 'engineers'
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

...ch girly aftershave that he must have been fucking drinking the stuff that I had to open all the doors and windows in my house in order to avoid retching myself to death on the putrid odour. It's bad ...

29. The crow from the film 28 days later
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

...er. And all because a fucking crow couldnt leave a dead person alone! The fucking shops were full! AND the windows had all benn smashed and the shelves were full of bread....why the fuck couldnt you f...

30. The Dutch
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

They've just introduced a smoking ban - you can have pictures of women shaggin dogs in shop windows but you can't smoke tobacco in your biftas. Mental...