1. RIHANNA'S PHWOARDROBE
(Holy News / News)

RIHANNA SPICES UP SEX LIFE WITH HER STAGE COSTUMES

2. GOOD LEGS GONE BAD
(Holy News / News)

RIHANNA SAYS SHE DOESN'T LIKE HER LEGS

3. NEWSMOUND
(Holy News / News)

WHAT'S GOING ON ELSEWHERE ON THE INTERNET?

4. GRAMMY GRADUATION
(Holy News / News)

KANYE, WINO AND THE OTHER MAIN WINNERS FROM THE GRAMMYS

5. GOOD GIRL GONE FAD
(Holy News / News)

RIHANNA LAUNCHES BROLLY RANGE, A BIT BLOODY LATE

6. NEWSMOUND
(Holy News / News)

WHAT'S GOING ON ELSEWHERE ON THE INTERNET?

7. HOLY MOLY EXCLUSIVE: WINO ARRESTED IN NORWAY
(Holy News / News)

Amy Winehouse arrested whilst on tour in Bergen, Norway

8. It Never Rains But It Pours
(Holy News / News)

Rihanna's chart hit 'Umbrella' written for Britney Spears

9. Kung Loon
(Holy News / News)

Britney Spears is learning a martial art

10. Newsmound
(Holy News / News)

What's happening elsewhere on the internet?

11. Keeping A Cool Head
(Holy News / News)

John Travolta has a special assistant to shade his head

12. Brolly Poor Show
(Holy News / News)

Rihanna is to launch her own range of umbrellas

13. NEWSMOUND
(Holy News / News)

What's happening elsewhere on the internet?

14. Let Crazy Lady Speak Unto Crazy Lady
(Holy News / News)

Bjork offers Britney advice on dealing with the pressures of fame

15. Well She Would Say That, Wouldn't She?
(Holy News / News)

Britney Spears acts perfectly normally, says her mum

16. Let Them Eat Coke
(Holy News / News)

Let Them Eat Coke

17. Let Them Eat Coke
(Holy News / News)

Kirsten Dunst smokes and takes drugs after all her prostestations to the contrary

18. Ironic acoustic cover versions
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

Up and coming indie band? Want to get on radio 1? Cover Umbrella or Spinning Around and you are a dead cert on getting played. You are however cunts for doing so

19. London's 8 minutes of the closing ceremo
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

People dancing at a bus stop with umbrellas and newspapers. What the fuck was that all about ? ..if anyone really did that in London they'd get stabbed. If they wanted to truly represent London the

20. Martin Brundell
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

...ll, condescending cunt. Hope you get punched out on the starting grid by one of the fit birds holding an umbrella. It's not like you were much good at driving racing racing cars anyway. You a...

21. Men with umbrellas
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

...have a shower this morning? Yes. Did you die? No. Well get out in the rain and take it like a man, you golf-umbrella-carrying, pavement-hogging cunt....

22. Nicholas Crane
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

Only a totally pretentious TV/Media cunt would think of bringing an umbrella on a 'fake' canoeing trip

23. Nicholas Crane
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

The Mr Punch looky-likey map man, as mentioned before, goes arond with an umbrella as some sort of desperate gimmick, (as if his freakaziod face wasn't enough). Yet last week, when he was walking aro

24. P Diddy's umbrella holder
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

How the fuck can you go home and look your wife and kids in the eye?

25. People still in winter clothes
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

...hat's wrong with you? The weather's beautiful and you're still in long coats and knee high boots. Ditch the umbrellas and go and buy a frappucino or something....

26. People who carry their umbrellas backwar
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

It is already universal truth that umbrella users are antisocial eye-poking cunts, but the cunts who carry their (closed) umbrellas with the tip pointing backwards deserve a special cuntbrained catego

27. Rihanna
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

Since 'Umbrella' has been number 1 - it hasn't fucking stopped pelting it down.

28. Umbrella carrying short people
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

Everytime it rains, one of you miserable trolls tries to take out my eyes. It's only water you fuckers. Try staying indoors if it bothers you that much.

29. Umbrellas
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

Who invented these cunts? I'm walking along the pavement in some light rain when appraoching in the opposite direction is some cunt hiding behind a canvas sheild big enough to cover the entire cen

30. Umbrellas
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

Why do some twats insist on having an umbrella up when its clearly not raining anymore? Put it down you dry oafs - the rain's fucking stopped.