1. NO MEAT IS MURDER
(Holy News / News)

TOMMY LEE STILL FINDING IT HARD TO GIVE UP MEAT

2. 'NOT MY MATERIAL' GIRL
(Holy News / News)

MADONNA DENIES CO-AUTHORING HER BROTHER'S BOOK

3. EXPRESS YOURSELF (FOR MONEY)
(Holy News / News)

DID MADONNA CO-WRITE HER BROTHER'S TELL-ALL BOOK?

4. HOLY MOLY WORLD EXCLUSIVE: MADONNA TO DIVORCE GUY
(Holy News / News)

Madonna hires McCartney Lawyer to negotiate divorce from Guy Ritchie

5. LOST IN TRANSGRESSION
(Holy News / News)

BILL MURRAY IS A SEX ADDICT ACCORDING TO HIS WIFE

6. HAIL TO THE TEETH
(Holy News / News)

TOM CRUISE TO PLAY PRESIDENT OF USA IN MOVIE

7. WHAT-CHOO-CHOO TALKIN’ ABOUT?
(Holy News / News)

MORE HEARTBREAK FOR GARY COLEMAN

8. UNDERWORLD
(Holy News / News)

KATE BECKINSALE IS BEING CHEEKY AGAIN

9. NO WONDER SHE WANTED IT KEPT QUIET
(Holy News / News)

HEATHER MILLS' EVIDENCE LESS THAN ACCURATE

10. SEETHING LAS VEGAS
(Holy News / News)

NIC CAGE SUES KATHLEEN TURNER OVER BOOK ALLEGATIONS

11. IT'LL BE ALRIGHT, STILL ON THE NIGHT?
(Holy News / News)

AUDIENCE EXIT LILY ALLEN'S CHAT SHOW CALLING IT 'HORRIBLE' AND 'LIMP'

12. YES, BUT IS HE HAPPY?
(Holy News / News)

SALMA HAYEK AND FIANCE ARE HOLLYWOOD'S RICHEST COUPLE

13. MOTHER KNOWS BEST
(Holy News / News)

BLAKE'S MOTHER WANTS HIM TO DIVORCE AMY WINEHOUSE

14. SNATCH OF THE DAY
(Holy News / News)

SIENNA MILLER WINS DAMAGES FROM THE NEWS OF THE WORLD

15. THAT'S IT I'M HOFF
(Holy News / News)

DAVID HASSELHOFF SHOUTS AT HIS AGENT IN PUBLIC

16. OBLIGATORY YOUTUBE CLIP!
(Holy News / News)

VICTORIA BECKHAM SINGING LIVE

17. I AIN'T MISSING YOU AT ALL
(Holy News / News)

BILLY BOB THORNTON FEELS SORRY FOR ANGELINA JOLIE

18. Top Cum
(Holy News / News)

Nicole Kidman twice pregnant by Tom Cruise

19. Peter Andre Scanned for Brain
(Holy News / News)

Australian singer Peter Andre undergoes a brainscan as he falls ill filming a reality show in the US

20. Liz Hurley: Long Face and Not Much Fancied
(Holy News / News)

Liz Hurley is facing criticism over religiuos irregularities surrounding her Indian wedding to Arun

21. KNIGHTLY FINDS RIGHT WAY TO USE TWO FINGERS
(Holy News / News)

Keira Knightly denies anorexia

22. ARE BUSTED BUSTED?
(Holy News / News)

ARE BUSTED BUSTED?

23. 'Dramatic' Deal Or No Deal contestants.
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

...of bastard who makes a speech before opening their box and then opens the box super slowly to add drama to the proceedings. You'll get your fucking turn to play the game so fuck off and stop milking y...

24. if you have plugged in your ipod to your speakers ...
(Glossary / Rules of Modern Life)

... faster then an unexpected Radiohead song. When it does happen, no power in the Universe will stop you halting proceedings and declaring "This song is fucking amazing" However, if you are mid-coitus ...