1. SHE'S CREATING A MONSTER
(Holy News / News)

JORDAN'S DAUGHTER HAS OVER 100 PAIRS OF SHOES

2. MASTER CAST
(Holy News / News)

JOHNNY DEPP LINED UP TO PLAY THE RIDDLER IN NEXT BATMAN FILM

3. WIN A PHILIPS HI-FI SYSTEM
(Holy News / Competition)

PHILIPS HI-FI SYSTEM UP FOR GRABS

4. WHAT DID YOU HAVE FOR LUNCH
(Holy News / News)

Holy Moly went to the Broadcast Press Guild Awards

5. THE OSCARS HAPPEN AND PEOPLE WON
(Holy News / News)

LIST OF ACADEMY AWARD WINNERS 2008

6. LIKE A VIRGIN
(Holy News / News)

CHANTELLE FEELS LIKE A VIRGIN AFTER BOOB JOB

7. NEWSMOUND
(Holy News / News)

WHAT'S GOING ON ELSEWHERE ON THE INTERNET?

8. HER LOVE PROBABLY DOES COST A FAIR FEW THINGS
(Holy News / News)

J-LO WILL PROBABLY BE THE NEXT KATE MOSS ACCORDING TO TOP SHOP

9. Pulp Friction
(Holy News / News)

Quentin Tarantino joins the mile high tantrum club

10. Ashes To Ashes - First Picture
(Holy News / News)

First picture from 'Life On Mars' sequel 'Ashes To Ashes'

11. NEWSMOUND
(Holy News / News)

What's happening elsewhere on the internet?

12. Back on the Druggs yet Agane!
(Holy News / pete)

the secret dairy of P Doeherty of babyshables #4

13. WWF Vs WTF
(Holy News / News)

Paul and Linda McCartney argue with Prince Philip

14. HM EXCLUSIVE: Keeley Hawes To Star In 'Ashes To Ashes'
(Holy News / News)

Keeley Hawes is to take the lead role in 'Ashes To Ashes,' the sequel to 'Life On Mars'

15. Moss Moans At Millions
(Holy News / News)

Kate Moss's fashion launch for Topshop causes a commotion on Oxford Street

16. Dominik Diamond
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

This cunt first flies all the way to The Philipines, with a Channel 5 television crew to make a programme about how he was going to join all the other Filipino Christians by having himself nailed to t

17. Eammon Holmes
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

..., could you be more disinterested in anything - even a cooking item failed to make his mouth water. Makes Philip Schofield look like a televisual God...

18. Mohammed Al Fayed
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

For lots of different reasons but primarily for thinking that Prince Philip was an MI6 spy. Spy? This senile Greek cunt can't tie his own fucking shoelaces let alone pretend to be James Bond.

19. Philip Rivers
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

Have it, you cunt!

20. Ricky Gervais
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

Smug little fascist cunt. Used to be funny, now he's like a fatter, less interesting Prince Philip. Fuck off fatty.

21. Top Shop Sales assistants
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

... slow "if it's not on the shelf we aint got it" jobsworth cunts, with bad attitude. Get some proper staff Philip Green you tight rich cunt....

22. Bobby the gorilla at London Zoo
(Glossary / Sacred Cows)

...folding his arms and posing like Marlon Brando when faced with a camera. Oh yes, and for dissing Prince Philip by turning his back on him and presenting arse. What a star. ...

23. Emo Philips
(Glossary / Sacred Cows)

Funniest man on planet. Absolute fucking outrage of a man.

24. Philip Larkin
(Glossary / Sacred Cows)

Not only did he write great poems with the word ''fuck'' in them he also didn't hold back when dishing out the odd cunt related epithet about tossers who fucked him off.

25. Philip Larkin
(Glossary / Sacred Cows)

He also publicly acknowledged that men sit up ''till 3.10am wanking themselves blind over women we can''t have. And noted just how pathetic we feel after doing it. The world is a better place now

26. Prince Philip
(Glossary / Sacred Cows)

Hello 'what do you do' 'I work in films...' 'Oh good, can you fix my DVD player' Priceless. This man deservices an OBE for her services to gaffes!

27. philip seymour hoffman is the thinking man's jack ...
(Glossary / Rules of Modern Life)

philip seymour hoffman is the thinking man's jack black