1. SHUT UP, HAEMORRHOID!
(Holy News / Big Brother)

THE HOLY MOLY BIG BROTHER 9 BLOG: DAY 6

2. EXCUSE ME WHILE I KISS THIS...
(Holy News / News)

JIMI HENDRIX SEX TAPE TO BE RELEASED?

3. LONG AND WHINING ROAD
(Holy News / News)

DECISION IN MCCARTNEY MILLS CASE DUE SOON

4. SLEAZY RIDER
(Holy News / News)

JACK NICHOLSON ACCEPTS DATE WITH RADIO REPORTER

5. IS IT SAFE TO COME OUT YET?
(Holy News / News)

Christmas is fun, but kills gossip STONE dead

6. PUT IT AWAY WOMAN
(Holy News / News)

JORDAN WANTS A HEATED VIBRATOR

7. DAY 3: I'M A CELEBRITY GET ME OUT OF HERE
(Holy News / Im a Celebrity)

JANICE AND JOHN EAT BUSH SUSHI

8. Herbal Organcis Shampoo Adverts
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

Doesn't Organics sound a bit like orgasmic!!!!!1111!!!!! Let's do a campaign where we say Laura likes to do "It" on a Tuesday "It" as in like sex as in like orgasmic which sounds like Organics

9. Hormonally Challenged Housemates
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

...'Oh poor me, my tits are too big' whiney cunts, who spend every evening till 4am trying to have her fisrt orgasm, with the bedroom door open, so that her 3 cunting equally dysfunctional and perverted ...

10. King's New Clothes
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

...c spunk-tanker can climb on the stage, whistle 'A Message To You' out of their shit-locker and have cunts orgasming over it for fear of being banished from Planet-fucking-Now. The sooner she veins a ...

11. Low Battery warning on my phone
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

...ou have left than an earth shaking vibrate every 10 seconds that'd bring any woman in a 30 mile radius to orgasm. Samsung, you daft twats....

12. Mars
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

The orgasmic 'Blue Monday' to advertise a plainly shit chocolate bar. This is a crime against humanity. Mars bars are only useful for fat women to show you how well they can deep throat, and seriousl

13. My postman
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

...ry flavour is mingled with everything else, even the fucking plastic tray. The upside is, they are still orgasmic, even in fluid form. ...

14. orgasm
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

WHY are you always eluding me?! Just as I think I might feel something interesting, you crawl somewhere dark and die.

15. People
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

...arn you still be hated by the people who see through you, the people you fuck will continue to fake their orgasms to make you feel better about not satisfying them in bed and ultimately after you have...

16. People who say 'Onvelope'
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

...Onemies? I think not. Fucking clown shoes, say it propperly People who sound like they're having a mini-orgasm at the start of the word are worse, oooohhhnvelope. ...

17. Shampoo Ads
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

...ut-more cunts who keep using the tired old, well-past-its-sell-by-date 1980's "When Harry met Sally" fake orgasm scene post-organic experience yes-yes-yes fucking lame-arsed-cuntingly-annoying-to-wat...

18. Stockbrokers
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

...unt. But you still end up naked on the boardroom table with him...fucking persuasive stock exchanging, orgasm giving cunt....

19. David Gest
(Glossary / Sacred Cows)

He makes loading a rifle seem almost orgasmic.

20. Foxes
(Glossary / Sacred Cows)

For having 20 minute long screaming orgasms at 2am in the middle of the street.

21. Hotel Chocolat
(Glossary / Sacred Cows)

Im near to orgasm just walking in your shop door.

22. Regina Spektor
(Glossary / Sacred Cows)

For just being class. Making orgasm noises in her songs and singing about tangerines.

23. Simon Sebag Montefiore
(Glossary / Sacred Cows)

...s 'foreign'. Takes a huge leap skyward with the magnificently daft SEBAG and then finally erupts into the orgasm that is MONTEFIORE. Add them all together and the result is brilliant. ...

24. Yoga
(Glossary / Sacred Cows)

...ht enough to make diamonds out of coal, thereby rendering my boyfriend putty in my hands and myself multi orgasmic. Nemaste!...

25. Given a straight choice between a beautiful woman ...
(Glossary / Rules of Modern Life)

...ould prefer to pull the toasty boxers over their tackle because, in their minds, the boxers would achieve orgasm after 4 minutes of being warn. If the man also achieves orgasm he either has some collo...

26. No man ever wants to see his own face as he reache...
(Glossary / Rules of Modern Life)

No man ever wants to see his own face as he reaches orgasm.

27. After masturbating and viewing porn, I tacitly acc...
(Glossary / Rules of Modern Life)

...ni by May, boosting their income by 20K, finding a strong, caring and sensitive man to give them multiple orgasms etc as pure fantasy. Failure to acheive said goals will only lead them to binge eatin...

28. Feel the rhythm, feel the rhyme, get on up, it's b...
(Glossary / Rules of Modern Life)

...el the rhyme, get on up, it's bobsleigh time, cooool runnings!...is not a suitable phrase to accompany an orgasm....

29. What do atheists shout when they orgasm?...
(Glossary / Rules of Modern Life)

What do atheists shout when they orgasm?

30. It's good etiquette to fake an orgasm...
(Glossary / Rules of Modern Life)

It's good etiquette to fake an orgasm