1. FOREST GRUMP
(Holy News / News)

RUSSELL CROWE AND SIENNA MILLER TO STAR IN ROBIN HOOD FILM

2. NEWSMOUND
(Holy News / News)

WHAT'S GOING ON ELSEWHERE ON THE INTERNET?

3. I'M A CELEBRITY, GET IT ON WITH ME
(Holy News / News)

SOPHIE ANDERTON EXPOSED AS A PROSTITUTE

4. TWIN TOWN
(Holy News / News)

SIENNA MILLER AND RHYS IFANS GET MATCHING TATTOOS

5. NEWSMOUND
(Holy News / News)

What's happening elsewhere on the internet?

6. THE GOOD THE BAD THE V. UGLY
(Holy News / News)

Backstage stuff from the V Festival

7. QUOTE OF THE DAY #2
(Holy News / News)

Lowri Turner reveals herself to be even more bigoted than normal

8. No Winehouse, Will Bowman Do?
(Holy News / News)

Mark Ronson, Amy Winehouse, Lily Allen and the tabloid hack in a potentially not-quite-true story sh

9. Apprentice World Exclusive!
(Holy News / News)

The contestants for the new series of The Apprentice have been announced

10. Apprentice World Exclusive!
(Holy News / News)

contestants named in BBC's The Apprentice

11. Robin Hood (the BBC one)
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

I've just seen a trailer for the next episode of this revisionist PC ballix, & it has the Sheriif of Nottingham turning the castle into a casino (complete with craps tables). Now i know its not meant

12. That bloke from C4 who presents with Ale
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

...en. Or a short introduction scene to a video where he was dressed as a cunt riding around the PAVEMENTS of Notting Hill asking bemused passers by if they wanted a tourist leaflet or something. It wasn...

13. Torch bearer chooser
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

...e 11.10am Konnie Huq, running from Lancaster Road to Blenheim Crescent 11.28am Tim Henman, running from Notting Hill Gate, Campden Hill Road to Notting Hill Gate, Linden Gardens 11.56am Kirsty ...

14. Crime rates will inevitably be down this year from...
(Glossary / Rules of Modern Life)

Crime rates will inevitably be down this year from the previous year at the Notting Hill Carnival, if this trend continues by 2014 handbags and drugs will be given away

15. String singlets/tank tops only look good on sweaty...
(Glossary / Rules of Modern Life)

String singlets/tank tops only look good on sweaty topless glamour models. Take note sweaty male Notting Hill Carnival-goers.

16. Anorexic blonde trustafarians: Waving your stick l...
(Glossary / Rules of Modern Life)

...onde trustafarians: Waving your stick like arms in the air while gyrating your brittle jutting hips at the Notting Hill carnival, will NOT make you black anymore than smearing soot on your face will....

17. If you watch Eastenders and have never been to Eas...
(Glossary / Rules of Modern Life)

...enders and have never been to East London, you'd be forgiven for thinking no Asians live there. A bit like'Notting Hill' - where according to the film - no black people live. ...