1. JORDAN INVENTS THE WHORSE
(Holy News / News)

JORDAN'S NEW EQUESTRIAN CLOTHING RANGE

2. WOMB TO LET
(Holy News / News)

RICKY MARTIN USED PROFESSIONAL SURROGATE FOR BABIES

3. PUBLICITY, INK
(Holy News / News)

LINDSAY LOHAN AND SAM RONSON DON'T HAVE MATCHING TATTOOS

4. WALKING DEYN THE AISLE
(Holy News / News)

AGYNESS DEYN AND ALBERT HAMMOND JR ENGAGED?

5. SHE WEARS MY RING
(Holy News / News)

LINDSAY LOHAN AND SAM RONSON HAVE MATCHING BRACELETS

6. PAINTED LOVE
(Holy News / News)

EVAN RACHEL WOOD DISCUSSES HER TATTOOS

7. QUESTION!
(Holy News / News)

WHO ARE THE TWO PEOPLE WHOSE FACES WE'VE BLURRED OUT?

8. THE HOTTIE AND THE DOGGIES
(Holy News / News)

PARIS HILTON INVESTIGATED BY DEPARTEMENT OF ANIMAL SERVICES

9. MONSTERS INK
(Holy News / News)

JORDAN AND HER SISTER TO GET MATCHING TATTOOS

10. TWIN TOWN
(Holy News / News)

SIENNA MILLER AND RHYS IFANS GET MATCHING TATTOOS

11. SPIDER-MANSON
(Holy News / News)

MARILYN MANSON WANTS TO BE SPIDER-MAN, WON'T CARRY BAGS

12. Mark Of The Beasts
(Holy News / News)

Spice Girls get tattoos to mark their reunion

13. Cheeta Beater
(Holy News / News)

Chimp 'beaten up' on Christina Ricci film set

14. Peaches On Screen
(Holy News / News)

Peaches Geldof gets her own reality show

15. Colleen's Guests Are Cake-Takers
(Holy News / News)

WAG Colleen McLoughlin is upset that a guest is trying to sell off her birthday cake on eBay.

16. Scousers
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

...n colour. Gentleman, I find a razor is a good solution to deal with dubious facial hair. Next week - how matching tracksuit tops and bottoms aren't always necessary! ...

17. Chris Lilley (Summer Heights High / We
(Glossary / Sacred Cows)

...es are phenominal. If Katie fucking Price can get her disgusting whore arse on here, at least please start matching that by putting people of real talent on here...

18. Hull City football club
(Glossary / Sacred Cows)

For matching Derby total wins last season in their first ever premiership game

19. Prince Jeffri
(Glossary / Sacred Cows)

Brother of the sultan of Brunei and a personal hero of mine, once commissioned two matching mega yachts and christened them "tits" and "nipples" and kept them staffed with the very best whores and dr

20. Nothing is creepier than twins over 13 who still w...
(Glossary / Rules of Modern Life)

Nothing is creepier than twins over 13 who still wear matching clothes.

21. The minute Prince Harry and James Hewitt have a DN...
(Glossary / Rules of Modern Life)

The minute Prince Harry and James Hewitt have a DNA matching test is the minute I'm happy to have my DNA stored on file....

22. Every woman when choosing her underwear for the da...
(Glossary / Rules of Modern Life)

...k at her fucking hideous flowery waist high knickers and non matchng bra!" before picking a flattering and matching set of undies....

23. All members of the 'final 12' on X Factor will hav...
(Glossary / Rules of Modern Life)

All members of the 'final 12' on X Factor will have highly patterned wallpaper and a matching border in their living room, and an extended family of millions.