1. ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUNST
(Holy News / News)

KIRSTEN DUNST IS DATING MGMT SINGER

2. BATHTIME FOR CHANELLE
(Holy News / News)

CHANELLE HAS A NEW BOYFRIEND

3. YOUNG, UNGIFTED AND LOADED
(Holy News / News)

THE SUNDAY TIMES YOUNG MUSICIANS RICH LIST GALLERY

4. THUNDERPANTS
(Holy News / News)

LILY ALLEN COMFORTED BY RUPERT GRINT

5. C-orl it a day, Bloom!
(Holy News / News)

Orlando Bloom gets acting lessons

6. Back on the Druggs Agane!
(Holy News / pete)

or the secret dairy of P Doeherty of babyshables

7. Jonny Wilkinson
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

simpering, middle-class tosser still living off the glory of one lucky kick years ago. won''t talk about his "personal life". who would possibly want to know about the personal life of such a boring

8. Liam Gallagher
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

For appearing on the shite reality cooking show "the F word" Surely even Jonny Borrell wouldn't stoop that low, not that he would be asked mind.

9. Morrissey
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

...t he? Perhaps he feels that by churning out the exact same turgid earshit he''s been forcing on us since Jonny Marr scarpered, that he can somehow freeze time. He can''t. We are talking about a 50 yea...

10. Thom Yorke
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

For blatantly stealing the 'h' in his name from Jonny Greenwood.

11. Bill Murray
(Glossary / Sacred Cows)

... then refusing a breatheliser. Also played Hunter S. Thompson in "Where the Buffalo Roam" long before Jonny Depp, and did a fine job...

12. Jonny Borrell
(Glossary / Sacred Cows)

Probably the most underated singer around, and despite the slating he gets he keeps coming back for more.

13. My friend Jonny
(Glossary / Sacred Cows)

For once using the immortal “you have a face like a bag of smashed fannies” as a chat up line

14. Jonny Wilkinson - Always injured cunt...
(Glossary / Rules of Modern Life)

Jonny Wilkinson - Always injured cunt

15. if you have plugged in your ipod to your speakers ...
(Glossary / Rules of Modern Life)

...re mid-coitus and "Creep" comes on, you will slow your thrusts so that you become a sexy-metronome until Jonny's muted strikes come in where upon you will thrust in time as if your bell-end had a maso...

16. Jonny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter have become so...
(Glossary / Rules of Modern Life)

Jonny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter have become so similar in appearance, that in the near future, press will just refer to both of them as John Bonham. Upon hearing this news, both actors will start