1. NO CUTS FOR CATE
(Holy News / News)

CATE BLANCHETT RULES OUT PLASTIC SURGERY

2. BID UP, BID ON UP
(Holy News / News)

JAMES BROWN'S POSSESSIONS TO BE AUCTIONED

3. BEIGE RAGE
(Holy News / News)

CHANTELLE MOANS ABOUT HER MARRIAGE TO PRESTON

4. POT AND KETTLE (EPISODE 45)
(Holy News / News)

KERRY KATONA HAS LITTLE SYMPATHY FOR FELLOW CELEB ADDICTS

5. BACKE ON TEH DRUGGES AGANE!
(Holy News / pete)

OR THE SECRET DIARY OF P DOEHERTY OF BABYSHABLES

6. TALKING SCALLOPS
(Holy News / News)

THE NATION PREPARES TO COOK ALONG WITH RAMSAY

7. MUM'S GONE TO SAINSBURY'S
(Holy News / News)

KERRY KATONA HAS FIGHT WITH MOTHER IN LAW

8. FOURTH TIME LUCKY
(Holy News / News)

PATSY KENSIT PREPARES TO MARRY FOR FOURTH TIME

9. NO SURPRISES AND NO THANKS
(Holy News / News)

THOM YORKE SAID NO TO MCCARTNEY DUET

10. THE COLLAPSE OF A DISTURBING IDOL
(Holy News / News)

THE BEST AMY WINEHOUSE REVIEW EVER

11. PAR-ICE MELTIN'
(Holy News / News)

PARIS HILTON WANTS TO BE CRYOGENICALLY FROZEN AFTER DEATH

12. LET'S ALL HAVE A FRITTATA PARTY
(Holy News / News)

IS NIGELLA LAWSON'S NEW SHOW THE WORST COOKERY SHOW EVER?

13. HOW MUCH DO ICELAND AND OK MAGAZINE PAY EXACTLY?!
(Holy News / News)

Kerry Katona takes delivery of two cars worth a fortune in two days

14. Day 81: 20th August
(Holy News / Big Brother)

Brian flogs a dead horse

15. WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH ME?
(Holy News / News)

The Beckhams are photographed by Stephen Klein for W magazine and look good :(

16. The Bard Who Uses 'Avon'
(Holy News / News)

Kerry Katona is writing a novel

17. Dean Gaffney Rises Again
(Holy News / News)

Former Eastender Dean Gaffney takes to the stage again and is distancing himself from his former hel

18. KERRY DELTA BAD 'UN
(Holy News / News)

KERRY DELTA BAD 'UN

19. Arctic Monkeys
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

.... I hope the singer loses his voice, the guitarists lose their fingers and the drummer loses his arms you frozen banana-loving cuntgasms fuck off...

20. Carol Vorderman
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

...g from Farmfoods. AS IF. At least it's credible that the vile Katona creature would exist on a diet of frozen chicken tikka bread bites, filo pastry parcels and 3 for a fiver PLATTERS....

21. Hair extension users
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

... involve them being raped online for Pete Townsends "research" That or it comes from bag ladies who have frozen to death on a Moscow street. Must be fucking lovely for the men in their lives to wake ...

22. Heston Blumenthal
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

Sells frozen snail bollocks on a bed of fried duck knobs drizzled in Elephant semen topped off with pig shit ice cream for dinner and charges £200 per head, who's the cunt? His fucking i

23. Kids with trainers with wheels in
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

Just limped back from Sainsbury's after one of the little cunts ran me over next to the frozen pizzas. I briefly considered sticking him in the freezer until he learned a lesson but his tracksuited fa

24. minced meat packaging
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

...e fuck do these inbred CUNTS insist on putting that CUNTING tissue paper under the mince. Have they EVER frozen mince and tried to get the shagging paper off - they say it is easy to make a chilli ...

25. People who visit Blackpool Illuminations
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

...the street-traders a fortune for a plastic piece of shite which is broken within seconds for your wailing frozen brats. Get some Christmas lights and stay at home, you wankers....

26. WASP knife
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

...tabbed on the Streets of London - Police seeking ANYBODY in the area whatsoever who has been seen wearing frozen entrails.'...

27. Whiskey
(Glossary / Sacred Cows)

It's mana from heaven, strained through a hundred dollar bill and chilled with a frozen supermodel's nasty. Makes pain go away, makes absolutely anything animal, vegetable or mineral rootable, gives y

28. Even after the polar ice caps have melted and plan...
(Glossary / Rules of Modern Life)

Even after the polar ice caps have melted and planet earth has drowned, frozen, burned, imploded and finally settled into an ashy, uninhabitable wilderness, somebody somewhere will be listening to the