1. MARQUEE LOON
(Holy News / News)

HEATHER MILLS FALLS FOUL OF PLANNING LAWS AGAIN

2. THERE'S A GHOST IN MY HOUSE
(Holy News / News)

NICOLAS CAGE REFUSES TO SLEEP IN HIS OWN HAUNTED HOUSE

3. JAMIE AT HOME... FOREVER
(Holy News / News)

OMNIPRESENT TV CHEF JAMIE OLIVER IS APPARENTLY PERFECT HUSBAND

4. XENU NEED HANDS
(Holy News / News)

KATIE HOLMES HAS ODD-COLOURED HANDS

5. HOW OFTEN DO YOU GET MISTAKEN FOR ANGELINA JOLIE?
(Holy News / Big Brother)

THE HOLY MOLY BIG BROTHER 9 BLOG: DAY 30

6. PEE-T DOHERTY
(Holy News / News)

DOHERTY IN PISS-ADDING PRANK AT STADIUM

7. SLEEP FIGHTING MAN
(Holy News / News)

MORE KEITH RICHARDS ADVICE TO DAVID BLAINE

8. JOHNNY'S SPLIT
(Holy News / News)

JOHNNY DEPP NOT FRONTING CONDOM CAMPAIGN AFTER ALL

9. HARVEY 1 HEAT 0
(Holy News / News)

MARK FRITH RESIGNS AS EDITOR OF HEAT MAGAZINE

10. TURN AROUND, SMARTARSE
(Holy News / News)

KATE MOSS WANTS KELLY OSBOURNE TO RELEASE NEW SINGLE

11. WELL I NEVER...
(Holy News / News)

BBC PRODUCE THE ULTIMATE PIECE OF TRIVIA FROM 2007

12. She's had that? In there?
(Holy News / News)

Who's been in Jodie Marsh's mouth?

13. A Kerry Newsworthy Year
(Holy News / News)

Kerry Katona and Mark Croft are back together

14. Day 33: July 2nd
(Holy News / Big Brother)

Ziggy has a ridiculous name and is hungry. Shame.

15. Heather Mills Twirls With Her Twinkle Toe
(Holy News / News)

Heather Mills-McCartney pulls off a back-flip on US TV show 'Dancing With The Stars'

16. Heather Mills Twirls With Her Twinkle Toe
(Holy News / News)

Heather Mills performs on Dancing With The Stars in the US

17. 24 hour rolling news
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

...cident and some of their friends are dead but this is no longer news! Leave them alone! And don't think of filling the space with more 'inflation up, house prices down, markets in turmoil' doom-monger...

18. Australians
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

...you bunch of throwbacks. Your fit tight tanned bodies are only good for staffing our late closing bars and filling the crappy infestuous bedsits located around Camden.   Rolf Harris's love of an...

19. Brit Awards
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

For filling my television with the same shit I have to listen to on the radio and then giving them stupid fucking pieces of plastic and having to listen to them whine about how much they love the

20. Fuel Protestors
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

... and cause the price of oil and therefore petrol to come down! You fucking morons. You really think not filling up your hippie camper van is going to dent world demand for oil? We live in something...

21. Gillette
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

The best a man can get is this: millions in the bank, exciting fulfilling job, well adjusted supermodel girlfriend, 8 bedroomed mansion with an aston martin in the driveway not a fucking razor. ya cun

22. MTV
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

...essica have been divorced for fucking years. When are they gonna stop putting it on and put some more time filling shit on?...

23. Part-Time Xmas Drinkers
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

...ping Latte and the like, fine, no problem for me, I never go in there. But when it comes to Christmas stop filling up the pubs, standing at the bar, not having a clue what to order, what half of the d...

24. Pensioners
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

...a heap of shit at 30 mph in a 60 limit and getting in my face at half eight in the morning. You: pull into filling station ahead of me and buy half a ton of cat food at the filling station for Tibbles...

25. People at Work...
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

...unds as if the article is about you. But it's not. It's about the much more famous person with a more fulfilling life who just happens to have your surname. Now I'm going to see it every day of...

26. People who say there's going to be a rec
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

It's a fucking self-fulfilling prophecy you cunts! Predictably, they'll read the daily mail, get into a panic about your house price 'crashing' and stop buying shit thus royally fucking up our capital

27. Rush hour
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

So many cunts filling up buses, trains and cars rushing to get to work. Fuck off!

28. Spam Emails from â¾÷ÄÃ
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

...elli ¹«·áCD�¦°ø Really? My life is now complete! Fuck off, you bastards, and stop filling my spam trap with your crazed ramblings....

29. The Guardian
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

Likes to think it supports free speech but you try filling its newsblogs with crass and grossly offensive posts written in the name of Guardian columnists and the moderator suddenly turns into some ki

30. Channel 4/Endemol
(Glossary / Sacred Cows)

For filling the Big Brother house with women. Therefore, making me turn off my TV, not watch Big Brother and actually get outside and have a life this summer.