1. WOMB TO LET
(Holy News / News)

RICKY MARTIN USED PROFESSIONAL SURROGATE FOR BABIES

2. BACKE ON TEH DRUGGES AGANE!
(Holy News / pete)

OR THE SECRET DIARY OF P DOEHERTY OF BABYSHABLES

3. PINING PETE
(Holy News / News)

PETE DOHERTY TALKS ABOUT KATE MOSS SPLIT PUBLICLY

4. SCHOOL'S OUT FOR SUMMER
(Holy News / News)

THE KIDS ARE OUT FOR THE BT HOME HUB PARTY

5. WESTSTRIFE
(Holy News / News)

BRIAN MCFADEN BRANDS KERRY KATONA 'AN EMBARRASSMENT'

6. I WANT IT TO STOP
(Holy News / News)

CHANELLE ABOUT TO RELEASE DEBUT SINGLE 'I WANT IT'

7. SHOW ME THE MONEY!
(Holy News / News)

BECKHAMS PLAN UK RETURN FOR FINANCIAL REASONS

8. BACKE ON TEH DRUGGES AGANE!
(Holy News / pete)

THE SECRET DAIRY OF PEAT DOEHERTY i.e. OF BABEYSHABLES

9. AND NOW, THE END IS NEAR...
(Holy News / News)

GERI HALLIWELL PRAISES CRUZ BECKHAM'S DANCE SKILLS

10. SMIRK AT THE MOON
(Holy News / News)

MCCARTNEY WILL NOT DUET WITH OZZY OSBOURNE AT THE BRITS

11. KIRSTEN TO TEARS
(Holy News / News)

KIRSTEN DUNST UPSET OVER JAKE GYLLENHAAL'S NEW PARTNER

12. BACKE ON TEH DRUGGES AGANE!
(Holy News / pete)

THE SECTRET DIARY OF P DOEHERTY OF BABYSHAMEABLES

13. HOLLYWOOD AND WHINE
(Holy News / News)

RUPERT EVERETT CRITICISES FELLOW FILM STARS

14. SOUND OF THE GRUMBLE HOUND
(Holy News / News)

NICOLA FROM GIRLS ALOUD NOT HAPPY WITH HER LOOKS

15. SIMPLY THE GEST
(Holy News / News)

DAVID GEST TO STAR IN HIS OWN MUSICAL

16. NEWSMOUND
(Holy News / News)

What's happening elsewhere on the internet?

17. Lies, Damn Lies and Advertising
(Holy News / News)

Britney Spears' perfume ad couldn't be more mocked up

18. Five Star Firearms
(Holy News / News)

Faded popstar troubles the news as father goes gun crazy

19. She's The One (For Now)
(Holy News / News)

Robbie Williams is in a long-term relationship

20. Jade Fades Away
(Holy News / News)

Celebrity Big Brother star Jade Goody is finding it hard to get TV work

21. Me, the Monkey and Tom Cruise
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

...e Monkey told me to. Tom Cruise has his own (shit) website, which after pressing the 'MUSIC OFF' button fades out to be replaced by...well it's not fucking silence, it's more music. Tom, you should st...

22. Nigella Lawson
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

... cook it for me. Pineapple coated with sugar, and dipped in Malibu chocolate sauce? FFS no wonder they fade your fat arse out of the camera when you walk away from it. ...

23. Shipwrecked 2007
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

... minutes whilst hopeless teenagers give a shit. Step 6: Get tits out in Zoo and Nuts magazine Step 7: Fade into nothing Step 8: Fail to get employed by anyone Step 9: Cry again Step 10: Go back t...

24. Steve Wright (In the Afternoon)
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

...on the Oldies – anyone who asks people to nominate their favourite classic tunes, then fades them out early so that he can play his own 3-minute fanfare theme must be a cunt. Itââ...

25. Ming Campbell.
(Glossary / Sacred Cows)

... have an alternate career after appearing in those Scotch video adverts in the eighties. 'Re-record not fade away..'...