1. CHAMPAGNE SUPERJOKER
(Holy News / News)

NOEL GALLAGHER THREATENS TO TEAM UP WITH RUSSELL BRAND TO MAKE TV COMEDY

2. FORE!
(Holy News / News)

JACK TWEED, JADE GOODY'S BOYFRIEND JAILED FOR ASSAULT ON A 16 YEAR OLD

3. I SOUGHT THE LAW
(Holy News / News)

JUDE LAW LINKED WITH MODEL LILY COLE

4. JADE'S DAY AT THE RACES
(Holy News / News)

CELEBRITIES ATTEND POLO MATCH AT GAYNES PARK IN ESSEX

5. WHOSE ARSE IS THIS?
(Holy News / News)

FACES NIGHTCLUB PICTURE GALLERY

6. THAT'S NOT KERRY
(Holy News / News)

MARK CROFT LEAVES NIGHTCLUB WITH MYSTERY WOMAN

7. GOODY GRIEF
(Holy News / News)

JADE GOODY HAS 50k WORTH OF JEWELLERY STOLEN

8. SOAP BAR OPERA?
(Holy News / News)

JAMES ALEXANDROU CAUGHT SMOKING SUSPICIOUS CIGARETTE

9. DANIELLE GETS THE WIND PUT UP HER
(Holy News / News)

DANIELLE LLOYD DATES GLADIATOR CALLED TORNADO

10. KEEP OFF THE GRASS
(Holy News / News)

JUDE LAW AND KIMBERLY STEWART TAKE THEIR DRUNKEN FUMBLING TO SOMEONE'S GARDEN

11. I PORKED THE LAW?
(Holy News / News)

JUDE LAW SPOTTED KISSING KIMBERLEY STEWART

12. TWEED'S DEED
(Holy News / News)

JACK TWEED CHARGED WITH ASSAULT

13. HIJACK ALERT!
(Holy News / News)

BIG BROTHER HOUSEMATES REVEALED

14. NEWSMOUND
(Holy News / News)

What's happening elsewhere on the internet?

15. BREAKING NEWS: BARRYMORE ARRESTED
(Holy News / News)

Michael Barrymore arrested on suspicion of murder and violent sexual assault

16. Jade Fades Away
(Holy News / News)

Celebrity Big Brother star Jade Goody is finding it hard to get TV work

17. Apprentice World Exclusive!
(Holy News / News)

The contestants for the new series of The Apprentice have been announced

18. Apprentice World Exclusive!
(Holy News / News)

contestants named in BBC's The Apprentice

19. SHE'S NOT BITTER
(Holy News / News)

Jodie slams Chantelle

20. SHE'S NOT BITTER
(Holy News / News)

Jodie Marsh is fuming about not being the biggest Essex bimbo on the block

21. Colchester Council
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

...council workers? I have to pay it or become a gypsy? Fuck off and die you lazy good for nothing bunch of Essex cunts. ...

22. Essex
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

Europe's biggest Council Estate... full of cunts!

23. Essex Boys
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

Pointy loafers - check. River Island distressed jeans - check. Ralph Polo shirt, or if your being really daring a justin style shirt tie and cardi combo - check. Blonde highlighted overstyled barnet

24. Essex County Council
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

For running a local radio advert saying "parents do not have the right to take their children out of school during term time. If they do, they could be fined £100 per parent". You THICK cunts. First

25. Essex haters
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

...le bludging cunts. I suggest you pay a visit to Romford on a Friday night and say you don´t like Essex. Cunts...

26. Estate Agents
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

...one of the greatest commitments most people make in life. So why do I have to listen to some tit from essex with what looks like an albino hedgehog on his head and a tie so short and wide he looks ...

27. Freixenet
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

...ured, fetid excuse for a drink pass my lips. And I bet you the majority of its sales are generated in Essex....

28. Griff Rhys Jones
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

Is Welsh for shortarse Oxbridge Essex cunt apparently.

29. Jodie Marsh
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

... nose like the child catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. You are a fucking digrace to the World you Essex cunt. ...

30. Krispy Creme from Harrods People
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

... Harrods food court carriers full of disgusting sugary crap as if its some sort of status symbol. Mainly Essex sorts. ...