1. WIN A SULTAN OF SWAG GOODIE BAG
(Holy News / Competition)

SULTAN OF SWAG GOODIE BAG WITH EVERYTHING YOU COULD WISH FOR UP FOR GRABS

2. WIN RAMBO BOXSETS
(Holy News / Competition)

FIVE RAMBO BOXSETS UP FOR GRAB

3. CAPTION COMPETITION!
(Holy News / Competition)

WIN SEVERED HEADS COURTESY OF THE COTTAGE

4. WIN AQA BOOKS
(Holy News / Competition)

TEN ANY QUESTION ANSWERED BOOKS FOR GRABS

5. NEWSMOUND
(Holy News / News)

WHAT'S GOING ON ELSEWHERE ON THE INTERNET?

6. WIN A 24 BOXSET!
(Holy News / Competition)

WIN SERIES 1-6 OF 24

7. WIN A BREAK TO PRAGUE
(Holy News / Competition)

WIN A FOUR STAR BREAK IN PRAGUE

8. TELETEXT COMPETITION TERMS AND CONDITIONS
(Holy News / Competition)

T&CS FOR THE HM TELETEXT COMP

9. WIN GOODIES AND VIP TICKETS TO THE KICKERS UMA SHOWCASE
(Holy News / Competition)

HAVE A NIGHT OUT ON KICKERS, GET FREE SHOES AND BOOZE!

10. WIN BESTIVAL TICKETS AND A SAMSUNG P2 MP4 PLAYER
(Holy News / Competition)

Win a pair of Bestival tickets, a Samsung MP4 player and Bestival CDs

11. who's got a fat fanny?
(Holy News / News)

CHRIS MOYLES OFFENDS CREW MEMBER AT FILMING OF BIG BROTHER PILOT

12. Channel 4 Radio competition
(Holy News / News)

Channel 4 Radio competition

13. GMTV Competitions
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

For asking us questions like: What is the capital city of Spain? Is it... A) Madrid B) Grapefruit C) A yellow crayon Note: Phonecalls cost £5 per millisecond, texts charged at £10 pe

14. Phone scandal victims
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

You stupid cunts ! Of course premium phone line competitions are a fucking rip off. It's nothing more than a glorified form of robbery designed to infiltrate a weak persons mind and make them part wi

15. Police firearms training officers
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

... MP5. Do you even tell Plod which end to point away from himself and at the bad guys? I've shot practical rifle competitions against police teams and frankly they are a bunch of cavalier, amateurish c...

16. Snack food competitions
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

Win a prize? Great, lets see if i've won. Mmm nothing under the ringpull. Wait what's this? Register online! Ring this number! I'm not carrying this rubbish home and entering some cunting code, te

17. 'Win 30,000 a year for the rest of your life' comp...
(Glossary / Rules of Modern Life)

'Win 30,000 a year for the rest of your life' competitions will always be won by Ethel, London, 92 years old.

18. Holy Mobile!
(Mobile/Mobile)

...ng underbelly of celebrity, scathing wit, rules to live your life by, twats ridiculed, not to mention EXCLUSIVE competitions and HM! wallpapers for FREE!  Getting this amazing service is ...

19. You know how bloody amazing the HM! mailout is?
(Static Content)

...to change Expect to see scathing wit, rules to live your life by, twats ridiculed, not to mention EXCLUSIVE competitions and HM! wallpapers for FREE!  You know it makes sense. Getting thi...

20. PRIVACY POLICY
(Static Content)

...1998 and associated legislation. Data Collection When using the Site You may encounter areas such as games, competitions, message boards, shopping or video services where You may be asked to enter...