1. NEW YORK STATE
(Holy News / News)

HEATHER MILLS BUYS APARTMENT IN NEW YORK

2. SMIRK AT THE MOON
(Holy News / News)

MCCARTNEY WILL NOT DUET WITH OZZY OSBOURNE AT THE BRITS

3. WHAT'S THE STORY?
(Holy News / News)

OASIS ALBUMS VOTED TOP IN NEW POLL

4. GRAMMY GRADUATION
(Holy News / News)

KANYE, WINO AND THE OTHER MAIN WINNERS FROM THE GRAMMYS

5. NEWSMOUND
(Holy News / News)

WHAT'S GOING ON ELSEWHERE ON THE INTERNET?

6. GET OFF YOUR HIGH HAT
(Holy News / News)

RINGO STARR CLAIMS HE WAS THE BEST DRUMMER IN THE BEATLES

7. NO KNEE TREMBLER
(Holy News / News)

HEATHER MILLS DENIES SHE IS WRITING A SEX MANUAL

8. VIVA LA SHAM
(Holy News / News)

HEATHER MILLS' NEW CHARITY PICS

9. WORKING CLASS HAIRDO
(Holy News / News)

YOUR CHANCE TO BUY SOME OF JOHN LENNON’S HAIR

10. SCOUSE PARTY
(Holy News / News)

LIVERPOOL TO HOST 2008 MTV AWARDS

11. MELLOW FELLOW
(Holy News / News)

SINGER DONOVAN TO CREATE UNIVERSITY FOR MEDITATION

12. SLOWHAND'S LIGHT FINGERS
(Holy News / News)

ERIC CLAPTON STOLE GEORGE HARRISON'S WIFE OUT OF JEALOUSLY

13. THE DAY THE MUSIC...DIDN'T DO MUCH AT ALL
(Holy News / News)

JOHN LENNON'S DEATH MADE THE WORLD STOP FOR OZZY OSBOURNE

14. PLEASE, PLEASE LOVE ME DO
(Holy News / News)

DAVE GROHL NOT AS TALENTED AS RINGO STARR, SAYS DAVE

15. DRUMMING UP PUBLICITY
(Holy News / News)

QUENTIN TARANTINO WANTS TO DIRECT RINGO STARR

16. Macca Jumps Bridget's Bones?
(Holy News / News)

Paul McCartney and Renee Zellweger enjoy a romantic dinner

17. Money (That's What I Want)
(Holy News / News)

Paul McCartney settles with Heather Mills

18. WWF Vs WTF
(Holy News / News)

Paul and Linda McCartney argue with Prince Philip

19. Starr Quality
(Holy News / News)

Former Beatle Ringo Starr's solo records to be available for download

20. Jo Whiley
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

... pop song. No matter how bad they sound, act like you are after seeing Jimi Hendrix & Elvis play with The Beatles. Remind the listener how Radio 1 is the best radio station there is. Finish work at...

21. Noel Gallagher
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

For breaking into Paul McCartney's garden shed and nicking the Beatles back catalogue..... mono-browed CUNT!!!

22. Noel Gallagher
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

...ars back where he said something like, 'If we had been around in the sixties we would be bigger than the Beatles' Some how I doubt that, you fuck nugget. You would have nobody to copy your melod...

23. The Beatles
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

Overrated sods

24. David Quantick
(Glossary / Sacred Cows)

for saying 'saying that Westlife are better than the Beatles is like saying that the best food in the world is HAIRRR.' (say it out loud in Somerset accent for full effect). Proof that you can have a

25. Norman 'Hurricane' Smith
(Glossary / Sacred Cows)

Record producer, worked with Pink Floyd, the Beatles and the Pretty Things, before launching a pop career with the fantastically mental 'Oh Babe, What Would You Say' - and watching it hit number one i

26. Much like the members of The Beatles, Labour polit...
(Glossary / Rules of Modern Life)

Much like the members of The Beatles, Labour politicians will die in the wrong order.

27. The Beatles are, in fact, dying in order of musica...
(Glossary / Rules of Modern Life)

The Beatles are, in fact, dying in order of musical credibility. Ringo therefore has nothing to worry about for some time.

28. STOCKING FILLERS
(HM Approved!/HM Approved!)

... The Raymond Delauney Emails - Someone who writes emails that annoy people - bit like HM really. Beatles Magnets - Make someone's fridge look cool (or just keep them for yourself, like I...