1. NEWSMOUND
(Holy News / News)

WHAT'S GOING ON ELSEWHERE ON THE INTERNET?

2. KANYE TURN IT OVER?
(Holy News / News)

KANYE WEST PLANS HIS OWN TV SHOW

3. RIGHT THAT'S IT - I'VE HAD ENOUGH
(Holy News / Big Brother)

BIG BROTHER IS AS WATCHABLE AS A BLENDER FULL OF BABIES

4. NON MERCY
(Holy News / News)

JOHN LYDON MAKES DUFFY CRY

5. CHASING BATS
(Holy News / News)

SNOW PATROL ALBUM DELAYED BY BAT INVASION

6. NEWSMOUND
(Holy News / News)

WHAT'S GOING ON ELSEWHERE ON THE INTERNET?

7. NEWSMOUND
(Holy News / News)

WHAT'S HAPPENING ELSEWHERE ON THE INTERNET

8. TIGER FEET. AND HEAD AND BODY
(Holy News / News)

SIEGFRIED AND ROY EMPLOYEE MADE TO DISSECT DEAD CAT

9. WHITE TIGER NOT INCLUDED
(Holy News / News)

MORE PICS TO RUIN JODIE MARSH'S EXCLUSIVE

10. WIN BOOKS ABOUT TIGERS
(Holy News / Competition)

TEN NATIONAL GALLERY BOOKS FOR GRABS

11. A WOMAN ON THE EDGE
(Holy News / News)

KATIE MELUA ADMITS SHOPLIFTING PAST

12. SNORE LOSER
(Holy News / News)

DAVID BLAINE FORCED TO POSTPONE DEATH-DEFYING STUNT

13. RAT BY NAME
(Holy News / News)

BOB GELDOF PRESSES AHEAD WITH NAME CHANGE

14. WATCH THE FUR FLY
(Holy News / News)

CINDY CRAWFORD WEARS FUR AND ENRAGES PETA

15. BOUNCING BACK
(Holy News / News)

LINDSAY LOHAN IS READY TO FIGHT BACK

16. SAINT MISBEHAVIN'
(Holy News / News)

MICHAEL HUTCHENCE'S MOTHER BRANDS BOB GELDOF 'SATAN'

17. Disaster Narrowly Avoided
(Holy News / News)

Most shoehorned press release of the day goes to...

18. Brad Pitt: Scent Of A He-Man
(Holy News / News)

Brad Pitt is reportedly interested in the role of He-Man in a new film

19. Aeroplane beer
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

"One Tiger beer please." "That'll be 4 euro sir." "Christ, 4 euro? Well, okay, I suppose, we could all die any minute so why not? Here you go." "Have you got anything smaller sir?" "Smalle

20. BBC athletics coverage
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

...with your average armchair athletics viewer and should be immediately torn to pieces by a pack of hungry tigers. ...

21. Lazy journalists
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

If Tigers escape their London zoo enclosures they could be dangerous, hmm you don't say, lazy journalist cunts!

22. Sir Bob Geldof
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

...enry his best friends. Just say no, Pixie, Fielding et al. Just keep the bouffant haired comic away from Tigerlily....

23. South Korea
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

...ry? These sods eat dogs and live octopuses, and stage pointless fights at their 'zoos' between lions and tigers. Hopefully when George Bush nukes North Korea, he will drop another one at the same ...

24. The tigers at Edinburgh zoo
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

...y. It was bad enough all the other lazy bastard "big cats" were sleeping all day like overfed fucks, the tigers went one better and didn't bother making an appearance at all. Striped cunts, why am I p...

25. Tim 'Tiger' Henman
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

I've never known a tiger that plays tennis I've never known a tiger that votes tory I 've never known a tiger that still has the voice of someone who still eats crispy pancakes.

26. Tony The Tiger
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

I think the Monks in Tibet have enough to worry about at the moment.

27. ME
(Glossary / Sacred Cows)

For my gag: Bill Wyman is in trouble after rubbing Tiger Balm into his balls...Bob Geldof has warned him to stay away from his daughter...!

28. Survivor's 'Eye of the tiger' is prehaps the worst...
(Glossary / Rules of Modern Life)

Survivor's 'Eye of the tiger' is prehaps the worst choice of ringtone when entering the last available trap in the Gents toilet.

29. No-one actually knows why there is a picture of a ...
(Glossary / Rules of Modern Life)

No-one actually knows why there is a picture of a man in a tiger costume next to the ROML link on the front page.

30. Nobody quite knows why Jimmy Carr is in a Gillette...
(Glossary / Rules of Modern Life)

Nobody quite knows why Jimmy Carr is in a Gillette ad with Tiger Woods and Thierry Henry.