1. IT'S THE EBAY-CKHAMS
(Holy News / News)

BECKHAMS ROBBED. CUE NELSON FROM THE SIMPSONS 'HAH! HAH!' NOISE

2. MUMMY'S BOY
(Holy News / News)

BEST PLACE FOR WINEHOUSE'S CONVICT HUBBY IS HOME, SAYS MRS CIVIL

3. EN-CYRUS-PAEDIA SHIT-TANICA
(Holy News / News)

MILEY CYRUS HAS WRITTEN HER FIRST MEMOIR. AGE 15. CHRIST.

4. DESPERATE DENIALS
(Holy News / News)

EVA LONGORIA CLAIMS SIZE ZERO STATUS DESPITE RECENT EXPANSION

5. PUSH THE MUTE BUTTON
(Holy News / News)

SHARON OSBOURNE BLASTS KIDMAN AND HER 'FLAT SCREEN' FRIENDS

6. SLIPPERY IN DEBT
(Holy News / News)

BON JOVI SUED FOR 400 BILLION DOLLARS. YES, 400 BILLION DOLLARS

7. LISTEN TO WHAT THE MAN SAID
(Holy News / News)

PAUL MCCARTNEY DREADS RUINING CAREER WITH BAD SONGS. AGAIN.

8. JENNY GETS ANOTHER ROCK
(Holy News / News)

J LO AND MARC ANTHONY RENEW WEDDING VOWS

9. I KNOW WHO MIGHT KILL ME
(Holy News / News)

LINSDAY LOHAN RECEIVES 'BIBLICAL THREATS'

10. NOT A SHARP MOVE
(Holy News / News)

ANGELINA JOLIE BUYS SIX-YEAR-OLD SON HIS 'FIRST KNIFE'

11. MOTHER KNOWS BEST
(Holy News / News)

MYLEENE KLASS LAUNCHES A BABY RANGE

12. FEELING FRUITY
(Holy News / News)

PEACHES GELDOF STICKS THE BOOT IN TO STAFF

13. NEWSMOUND
(Holy News / News)

WHAT'S GOING ON ELSEWHERE ON THE INTERNET?

14. OBLIGATORY YOUTUBE CLIP!
(Holy News / News)

MADONNA MAKES UP AN IMPROMPTU SONG ABOUT SARAH PALIN

15. WORST. MARKETING. IDEA. EVER.
(Holy News / News)

'SO CRAP IT'S GOOD' MARKETING HITS ROCK BOTTOM

16. BEAT THE SPARTANS
(Holy News / News)

GERARD BUTLER ACCUSED OF ATTACKING PHOTOGRAPHER

17. THE (HARD) CELL
(Holy News / News)

JENNIFER LOPEZ HAS NO PROBLEMS WITH SCIENTOLOGY

18. MARQUEE LOON
(Holy News / News)

HEATHER MILLS FALLS FOUL OF PLANNING LAWS AGAIN

19. SINCERITY REPORT
(Holy News / News)

NICOLE KIDMAN ON HER RELATIONSHIP WITH TOM CRUISE

20. SHE'S A WITCH... BURN HER!
(Holy News / News)

BOND GIRL GEMMA WAS BORN WITH SIX DIGITS ON EACH HAND

21. OFFSPRING OF GIANT FACE ON MYSPACE
(Holy News / News)

GALAXY-FACED ACTRESS HOSTS NEW BABY PICTURES ON MYSPACE

22. POSH ENDORSES SHIT
(Holy News / News)

BECKHAMS ATTRIBUTE PERFECT COMPLEXIONS TO APPLICATION OF BIRD POO

23. BIRTHDAY MILEY-STONE MILLSTONE
(Holy News / News)

HANNAH MONTANA STAR MILEY CYRUS IS FORCED TO WORK ON HER 16TH BIRTHDAY

24. QUOTE OF THE DAY
(Holy News / News)

JADE GOODY'S WORDS OF WISDOM (PART 2)

25. OBLIGATORY YOOHOO-TUBE CLIP!
(Holy News / News)

JOHN BARROWMAN LAUNCHES NEW SINGLE AND VIDEO

26. ALL LYNNE THE PAST
(Holy News / News)

LYNNE SPEARS IS OPTIMISTIC ABOUT THE FUTURE

27. WALK THE BANK
(Holy News / News)

JOHNNY DEPP TO RECEIVE RECORD PAYDAY FOR NEW PIRATES FILM

28. MEAT THE BEATLES
(Holy News / News)

MACCA'S NEW SQUEEZE NOW A CARD-CARRYING VEGETARIAN

29. YOU PROBABLY DON'T WANNA BE MY LOVER
(Holy News / News)

VICTORIA BECKHAM ADMITS THAT MEN DON'T FIND HER SEXY

30. THEY TRIED TO MAKE HIM GO TO REHAB
(Holy News / News)

BLAKE FIELDER-CIVIL WON'T BE RELEASED EARLY