1. SHE'S A WITCH... BURN HER!
(Holy News / News)

BOND GIRL GEMMA WAS BORN WITH SIX DIGITS ON EACH HAND

2. EXPEDITION MOUNTING SNOWDON
(Holy News / News)

GEORGE CLOONEY WOOS EX LISA SNOWDON AFTER STRICTLY PERFORMANCE

3. FAMILY MISFORTUNES
(Holy News / News)

VERNON KAY STILL ALIVE DESPITE REPORTS

4. THE SUE NATION
(Holy News / News)

'BORAT' WINS US COURT CASE

5. MY NAME IS FLUTE
(Holy News / News)

NICOLE KIDMAN HAS PLANNED OUT HER BIRTHING MUSIC

6. BEFORE...
(Holy News / News)

GLAMOUR AWARDS PICTURE GALLERY

7. THE LADY IS A VAMP
(Holy News / News)

DITA VON TEESE REVEALS HER BEAUTY TIPS

8. BAFTA AWARDS PICTURE GALLERY
(Holy News / News)

BAFTA TELEVISION AWARD WINNERS

9. A COUPLE OF IDIOTS
(Holy News / News)

ORLANDO BLOOM GOING OUT WITH RUMER WILLIS?

10. JEDI CHURCH
(Holy News / News)

CHARLOTTE CHURCH FUNDS STAR WARS CHURCH

11. THE CORPSE RIDE
(Holy News / News)

TESS DALY DOES NOT FIND BRUCE FORSYTH SEXY

12. PIGEON DEFECTIVE
(Holy News / News)

IAN BROWN SAYS PETE DOHERTY SHOULD NOT BE JAILED

13. Mika's Big Girls: The Thighs Of The Matter
(Holy News / News)

Mika films the video for Big Girls with Big Girls

14. The Name's Winehouse, Amy Winehouse
(Holy News / News)

Amy Winehouse is being courted by producer Barbara Broccoli to appear in the next instalment of Jame

15. Hugh Grant: Beans Means Fines
(Holy News / News)

Actor Hugh Grant is arrested after throwing a tin of baken beans at a paparazzo

16. HM EXCLUSIVE! CHARLOTTE CHURCH IS PREGNANT
(Holy News / News)

Charlotte Church expecting

17. what the l
(Holy News / News)

Ralph Fiennes in the mile high club

18. Alex Garland
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

for making dumb cunt's think that I Am Legend was a rip off of 28 Days Later and for The Tesseract; the world's most boring book. Cunt lived in the Phillipines for donkey's years and that's all he cou

19. Easyjet
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

...5 at 7:00 in the morning just after youve woken me up by clocking me on the knee with your aluminium hostess trolley. The fact that I screamed out 'fucking cunt' should have been a pointer. Also the ...

20. John Tickle
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

For not calling his daughter Tess

21. Ruth Kelly
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

Pretend-Labour-hypocritical-damaged -DNA-spawing-cuntess.

22. Sebastian Coe
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

For not calling his daughter Tess

23. Tess Daly
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

Decide which accent you're going to use and stick with it. One sentence you sound southern then the next you sound northern. Just make your mind up, you fucking twat.

24. Tess Daly & Vernon Kay
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

Tess is a humourless sap, with no endearing qualities whatsoever. Vernon - he is another off the T4 presenter line who thinks they are so cool, funny, and hip. Well Vernon you`re an up yourself unf

25. Tessa Jowell
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

Conniving mare claims she didn't know her husband had received a third of a million as a 'gift'? She claims she left all the important paper work (like the mortgage) to hubby to sort out as she is obv

26. Tessa Jowell
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

For defended Ken Livingstone's record as Mayor and claiming London has become a world class city under Ken. Fuck off you lying cunt, London has become a third rate shite hole under that shady twat!

27. Torch bearer chooser
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

....25pm Francesca Martinez, running from Stratford, Great Eastern Road to corner of Oxford Road 4.31pm Tessa Sanderson, running from Stratford, The Grove to Stratford Broadway 5.10pm Duncan Goodhew...

28. Silvio Berlusconni
(Glossary / Sacred Cows)

...ages to humiliate the blairs by bribing them with a free holiday and some cheap trinkets while slipping tessa jowells husband 400 large ones. Signore I salute you....

29. The Teenager who wiped snot on David Cam
(Glossary / Sacred Cows)

...im proving that he is actually "Green" next time up your game and wipe shit on Gordon Brown, or Acid on Tessa Jowell and I can die happy...

30. Despite what you'd like to think, on a long haul f...
(Glossary / Rules of Modern Life)

Despite what you'd like to think, on a long haul flight, that air hotess is never going to shag you in the loo whilst everyone is asleep.