1. WIN FIVE COPIES OF WATER LILIES DVD
(Holy News / Competition)

FIVE COPIES OF WATER LILIES DVD UP FOR GRABS

2. STONED ALONE
(Holy News / News)

WOODY HARRELSON PLANS TO STARVE HIMSELF FOR 40 DAYS

3. THE LADY IS A VAMP
(Holy News / News)

DITA VON TEESE REVEALS HER BEAUTY TIPS

4. DUMP ME BABY ONE MORE TIME
(Holy News / News)

BRITNEY SPEARS FINALLY DITCHES BOYFRIEND ADNAN GHALIB

5. SHOW ME THE BUNNY
(Holy News / News)

PLAYBOY WANT LINDSAY LOHAN TO STRIP

6. I KNOW WHO NOMINATED ME
(Holy News / News)

LINDSAY LOHAN NOMINATED FOR GOLDEN RASPBERRY AWARD

7. 'V' FOR VEGAN
(Holy News / News)

NATALIE PORTMAN LAUNCHES VEGAN FOOTWEAR COLLECTION

8. SHIVER, JORDAN
(Holy News / News)

JORDAN RETURNS TO THE UK AFTER PLASTIC SURGERY

9. SURI SOME MISTAKE?
(Holy News / News)

TOM CRUISE CANNOT TELL HIS DAUGHTER OFF

10. OBLIGATORY YOU TUBE CLIP
(Holy News / News)

Tokyo Summerland is the most insane swimming pool in the world

11. Britney hires young boys
(Holy News / News)

Britney Spears fondles an escort in a swimming pool

12. Marsh Not Fair
(Holy News / News)

Jodie Marsh chooses TV 'career' over her boyfriend

13. Woman On The Edge
(Holy News / News)

Britney is about to go insane again

14. NEWSMOUND
(Holy News)

What's happening elsewhere on the internet?

15. DAY 24: JUNE 23RD
(Holy News / Big Brother)

Seany gets the boot from the Big Brother house!

16. HM Exclusive: Spice Girls' reunion to be announced tomorrow
(Holy News / News)

Holy Moly! exclusive: The Spice Girls' reunion is to be announced tomorrow, June 22

17. BREAKING NEWS: BARRYMORE ARRESTED
(Holy News / News)

Michael Barrymore arrested on suspicion of murder and violent sexual assault

18. Britney Deserves a fucking medal
(Holy News / News)

Britney Spears "saves" an elderly couple from jellyfish

19. Whine-House Party
(Holy News / News)

What happens when you inadvertently invite party monster Winehouse back to yours?

20. who ARE they?
(Holy News / News)

Big Brother 7 reunion party

21. who ARE they?
(Holy News / News)

who ARE they?

22. Being a 7 stone girl
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

no wheat, no dairy, no sugar,hours at the gym, weights, swimming.... loads of sex and a washboard stomach though, take note lard buckets!

23. Department stores
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

...e've stopped stocking gloves." "Oh well. While I'm here might as well take a pair of flip flops and fucking swimming shorts instead. Dickhead." ...

24. Pink
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

...ck-all about - Aussie sheepshearers - try a subject you're a bit more knowlegdable on...safety fences round swimming pools for dogs that belong to straight-but-looks-like-a-dyke-stereotype shit singer...

25. The Good Old Days
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

... days.poverty, racial intolerance, rationing, war, rickets a dose of polio if you popped down the local swimming baths to get clean, because a massive fuck off bomb just smashed through your bathr...

26. The Olympics
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

... to watch a bunch of hairy-armpitted East European women lob a shotput a few meters. Jesus H. Synchronised-Swimming Christ!...

27. free swimming by 2012
(Glossary / Sacred Cows)

not going to happen, what makes the government think it will encourage people to go swimming just because its free? so are plenty other things walking, jogging etc people are usually fat due to lazine

28. leona lewis
(Glossary / Sacred Cows)

...e heard her snow patrol cover you'd understand. i thought she was overrated but fuck me that was good. like swimming in a pool filled with chocolate.....

29. The hardest thing to do, ever, is put your socks b...
(Glossary / Rules of Modern Life)

The hardest thing to do, ever, is put your socks back on after you have been swimming.

30. every bloke can remember going swimming as a child...
(Glossary / Rules of Modern Life)

every bloke can remember going swimming as a child and seeing a man stood in the showers scrubbing his bollocks like his life depended on it