1. GIVE UP THE DAY JOB
(Holy News / News)

NICK GRIMSHAW AND ZEZI IFORE CLEAN THE STREETS AND DO A BETTER JOB AT THAT THAN PRESENTING

2. THE OSCARS HAPPEN AND PEOPLE WON
(Holy News / News)

LIST OF ACADEMY AWARD WINNERS 2008

3. FROM HEAVEN
(Holy News / News)

JOHNNY DEPP DONATES £1M TO GREAT ORMOND ST

4. NEWSMOUND
(Holy News / News)

WHAT'S GOING ON ELSEWHERE ON THE INTERNET?

5. MAMMARY LOSS
(Holy News / News)

HELENA BONHAM-CARTER TALKS ABOUT HER EXPANDING BREASTS

6. Claire Sweeney
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

Swolen faced, pouting cunt.

7. John Sweeney
(Glossary / Sacred Cows)

Because on the BBC show, 'Vodka's My Poison'. He was pissed at the start of the show, drank from a bottle of moonshine that could have turned him yellow, drank from a tramp's bottle of cough medicine,

8. Tim Burton and Johnny Depp
(Glossary / Sacred Cows)

A match made in gothic heaven. From Ed Wood and Edward Scissorhands to Sleepy Hollow and Sweeney Todd. Now Tim is making a version of Alice in Wonderland, which is bloody brilliant in itself. Come on