1. A LOAD OF KABUL
(Holy News / News)

JUDE LAW CALLS FOR AFGHAN INSURGENTS TO DOWN WEAPONS

2. BIG PICK POCKET
(Holy News / News)

BIG BROTHER LOSER GETS PICK POCKETED

3. ALRIGHT, AGAIN?
(Holy News / News)

LILY ALLEN AND ED SIMONS ARE BACK ON

4. SEX AND THE BROODY
(Holy News / News)

KRISTIN DAVIS WANTS A BABY

5. JOY GEORGE
(Holy News)

GEORGE CLOONEY CAN LAUGH AT HIMSELF

6. TAKE A BOW
(Holy News / News)

MADONNA'S NEW MOVIE GOES STRAIGHT TO THE WEB

7. NO FUTURE IN THIS IDEA
(Holy News / News)

SEX PISTOLS PLANNING TO RECORD NEW MATERIAL

8. NARK-LIFE
(Holy News / News)

DAMON ALBARN WANTS TO SCRAP X FACTOR

9. SEIN-TOLOGY
(Holy News / News)

JERRY SEINFELD THANKS SCIENTOLOGY FOR HELPING HIS CAREER

10. POW! LOW ROSSI
(Holy News / News)

STATUS QUO ATTACK DOHERTY AND WINEHOUSE

11. Da Bint-y Code
(Holy News / News)

Tara Palmer-Tomkinson's book is launched

12. Big Brother 8 – In A Nutshell
(Holy News / Big Brother)

Highlights of Big Brother 8

13. Day 64: 2nd August
(Holy News / Big Brother)

Liam mates with Amy in the BB Half-way House

14. SOMETIMES THE STORY WRITES ITSELF
(Holy News / News)

Jodie Marsh wants a tasteful wedding

15. Hugh's Sorry Now
(Holy News / News)

Hugh Grant wants to marry as soon as possible

16. ALL WE DO IS HELP
(Holy News / News)

Myleene Klass needs help writing a book

17. A Tramp In The BB Line Up? Surely Not!
(Holy News / News)

Glamour Model Lucy James Set for Big Brother?

18. BB Ziggy
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

What a complete shit weasel he is and now he has attained "guru" status all I want to do is see him burn atop a huge bonfire. Not difficult for someones mind to expand from fuck all, to not quite fuck

19. Being PA to one of the MDs at Experian
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

... self importance when what the fuck to they do apart from provide outdated information re people's credit status - cunts!...

20. CTU
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

What a bunch of cunts to work for - work your ass off to hero status and they try to arrest you/kill you/torture you...how anyone still works there is a miracle. And dont start me on the idea of hirin

21. Daily Mail (again)
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

...ed Eastern European staff, only for them to steal from them, disappear, or have lied about their resident status. We can pay you £100 for taking part, and I promise it will be anonymous, just a quick...

22. David LaChappelle
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

...one famous!!! I'll be in all the magazines.... look at MEEEEEEE!!!" Feuding with a celebrity of higher status than yourself is a good way to ensure publicity as all the rabid hacks and their mong r...

23. Discovering your friend is a twat via fa
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

someone I know has just put this as their status... ... is looking for a certain type of life partner and not a lady who needs to be taken care of, but is secure in herself... I cant be friends

24. Experian - credit status
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

Get your 'free' 30 days no quibble trial. Great! Think I'll check up on my status but the catch is give my credit card number first. Hmmm. okay, seeing as there is a 'cancel with no obligation' sectio

25. Facebook
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

Since I split up with my missus I have set my status to "single". Facebook takes this as a sign to bombard me with adverts saying the likes of "30 and still single?". Seriously fuck off you data steal

26. Facebook status updaters
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

"**** is looking forward to the weekend !!" "**** is hungover lol lol !!!" etc. Fuck off, no-one cares.

27. June Sarpong (bashing no. 2)
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

...lf. No June, your appearance on the show doesn't have the irony of George Michael's, as your celebrity status is that of complete nobody, so you were EXACTLY the kind of twat that Ricky Gervais is ...

28. Krispy Creme from Harrods People
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

...nes that have oversized Harrods food court carriers full of disgusting sugary crap as if its some sort of status symbol. Mainly Essex sorts. ...

29. Lady Heather McCartney Mills
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

Never in the history of cunts as this cunts status grown to new heights of cuntishness on a daily basis. Cunt!

30. Leicester City Football Club
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

...on, the atmosphere, the smell, the singing, the football. When i took him down we were drowned out by status quo and bollocked by a bloke in a yellow jacket for standing up before watching a load ...