1. NEWSMOUND
(Holy News / News)

WHAT'S GOING ON ELSEWHERE ON THE INTERNET?

2. AYE, ROBOTS
(Holy News / News)

WILL SMITH TO CREATE A NEW SCHOOL

3. JODIE MARSH SUFFERS AN ATTACK OF THE HEATHER MILLS
(Holy News / News)

JODIE MARSH NOT TELLING TRUTH ABOUT CHARITY?

4. FROM HERO TO FINIRO
(Holy News / News)

ENRIQUE IGLESIAS SAYS HE'LL QUIT MUSIC

5. LILY GETS THE HUMPTY
(Holy News / News)

LILY ALLEN CRITICISES RADIOHEAD ALBUM DOWNLOAD

6. J.LO: NOT QUITE A NO-SHOW
(Holy News / News)

JENNIFER LOPEZ PAYS A FLYING VISIT

7. EVERYTHING IS PRETTY FAR FROM OK
(Holy News / News)

OK host a party which fills up with people you wouldn't piss on if they were on fire

8. The Goody, The Bad and the plain ugly
(Holy News / News)

Jade Goody and pals spotted on holiday in Spain

9. Tapas? Bah!
(Holy News / News)

Gwyneth Paltrow is to co-host a Spanish cookery programme

10. The Leprechaun and the Lesbian?
(Holy News / News)

Bono leaves nightclub with an adoring Penelope Cruz

11. OBLIGATORY YOU TUBE CLIP
(Holy News / News)

The Spanish Stars In Their Eyes is awesome.

12. Mutya's Mutt Makes Her Miss Michael
(Holy News / News)

Mutya Buena stands up George Michael, preferring the company of her dog

13. Posh gets a new set of falsies
(Holy News / News)

Victoria Beckham's 'reality' show is packed with actors and staged incidents

14. Loos Angeles
(Holy News / News)

Victoria Beckham to recreate Madrid in LA home

15. A Tramp In The BB Line Up? Surely Not!
(Holy News / News)

Glamour Model Lucy James Set for Big Brother?

16. Adam Kidron
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

...We don't sing 'God Save The Queen' in Sengalese do we? Don't expect Yanks to sing the 'National Anthem' in Spanish. Twatting 'Honour the Immigrants in Your Fucking Country' Cunt....

17. Footballers with hairbands
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

Unless you're Spanish or Italian you look a complete tit, especially Jonathan Woodgate

18. Rafael Benetiz
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

Just a Fat Spanish Waiter and a prize cunt.

19. Spanish villa bloke
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

So you've built a load of shite Spanish villas, stop fucking telling me that for £80k i could live the fucking dream! We all know that would only buy a broom cupboard in the arse end of no where. An

20. Spanish Waiters
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

Untrustworthy cunts. They act oh so nice when serving you but turn your back and they'll be shagging your wife from behind with her face stuck in a cactus.

21. The Old Crown on New Oxford Street/ Fran
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

For playing a fucking 'learn spanish while taking a piss' tape in the gents. Now...that idea is not a clever one, nor is it funny and nor does it teach drunk blokes anything. It's shit and it doesn't

22. Texan Bars
(Glossary / Sacred Cows)

For inspiring me to learn Spanish from a young age. Adious Amigos!

23. The Janitor (from Scrubs)
(Glossary / Sacred Cows)

What a legend. Does fuck all, terrorises the know-it-all interns, stuffs dead animals, speaks Spanish, makes a lovely laxative pie and drinks on the job. He's vengeful, chairs the Brains Trust, dream

24. just as nobody suspects the spanish inquisition, n...
(Glossary / Rules of Modern Life)

just as nobody suspects the spanish inquisition, nobody expects Destiny's Child to write a song about being raped by your step-dad. However, The Story Of Beauty confounds us all

25. When arriving in a foreign country and getting in ...
(Glossary / Rules of Modern Life)

...y and getting in a taxi, you will always hear the song that is number one in your own country, except some Spanish man will be speaking extremely quickly over it....

26. Spanish men - wear a really small backpack with bo...
(Glossary / Rules of Modern Life)

Spanish men - wear a really small backpack with both straps on your shoulders and your hair in a greased back ponytail. Senoritas will love it.