1. DOWN AND POUT
(Holy News / News)

THE WORLD'S BEST POUT AS VOTED BY US

2. NEWSMOUND
(Holy News / News)

WHAT'S HAPPENING ELSEWHERE ON THE INTERNET

3. GOOD LORD
(Holy News / News)

JORDAN LOOKS DEMURE AT BOOK LAUNCH

4. OBLIGATORY YOUTUBE CLIP!
(Holy News / News)

WE DID NOT KNOW THIS

5. AMY COURTHOUSE
(Holy News / News)

AMY WINEHOUSE DOESN'T TURN UP TO COURT

6. OBLIGATORY GALLERY
(Holy News / News)

'CELEBS' TURN OUT FOR THE WKD NUTS FOOTBALL AWARDS

7. AMY QUESTIONED OVER ASSAULT
(Holy News / News)

AMY WINEHOUSE GOES TO POLICE STATION OVER ASSAULT

8. LEGEND OF THE CARIBBEAN
(Holy News / News)

JOHNNY DEPP RECORDS TAPE TO BRING GIRL OUT OF COMA

9. THE ELLE STYLE AWARDS
(Holy News / News)

ELLE STYLE AWARDS PHOTO GALLERY

10. OH. MUMMY.
(Holy News / News)

HEATHER MILLS NOMINATED FOR MUM OF THE YEAR

11. HEY LITTLE SISTER
(Holy News / News)

JORDAN SNOGS HER SISTER

12. I'M A CELEBRITY, GET IT ON WITH ME
(Holy News / News)

SOPHIE ANDERTON EXPOSED AS A PROSTITUTE

13. DISH FACE DISGRACE
(Holy News / News)

SOPHIE ELLIS BEXTOR HAS ANOTHER POP AT POSH SPICE

14. MONSTERS INK
(Holy News / News)

JORDAN AND HER SISTER TO GET MATCHING TATTOOS

15. Apprentice World Exclusive!
(Holy News / News)

The contestants for the new series of The Apprentice have been announced

16. Apprentice World Exclusive!
(Holy News / News)

contestants named in BBC's The Apprentice

17. JOSS STONE IS FUCKING DREADFUL
(Holy News / News)

Joss Stone embarasses herself at the Brits

18. JOSS STONE IS FUCKING DREADFUL
(Holy News / News)

JOSS STONE IS FUCKING DREADFUL

19. BRIT AWARDS RUNNING ORDER
(Holy News / News)

The Brit Awards line up

20. BRIT AWARDS RUNNING ORDER
(Holy News / News)

BRIT AWARDS RUNNING ORDER

21. Claudia Schiffer
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

... Schiffer didn't like it, they offered her half the book's profits, she said that WASN'T ENOUGH. So poor Sophie Mitchell's been declared bankrupt. Why not just be done with it and make her into a la...

22. Matt Barbett
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

Channel Five newsreader who interviewed the mother of Sophie Lancaster (the young goth girl beaten to death), his piss poor, ham fisted interview was concluded with the question "so finally, how much

23. Natasha Kaplinski
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

... something). For continually ruining my mornings with your unique brand of cuntish prattery. Forreplacing Sophie Rayworth and for making me feel conflicted over the fact that you're still worth one de...

24. News of the World
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

For making me feel sorry for Sophie Anderton.

25. Sophie Anderton
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

..., and as if her luck couldn't get any worse it happened again with somebody else(just the once though). Sophie, either your the only woman in history ever to have turned into a whore by accident or ...

26. Sophie Anderton
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

"Read all about how I got through rehab and am turning my life around by turning my back on Showbiz only in this weeks Closer." Look you stupid drug snorting slut, we are 100% behind you leaving th

27. Sophie Ellis Bextor
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

Stuck Up Cunt

28. Sophie Ellis Bextor
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

For being surprisingly attractive with her hair down but insisting on wearing it in a tight little bun that stretches her whole face into a pucker resembling a dog''s arsehole.

29. Sophie Ellis-Bexter
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

Have you seen her tattoo? It's not ironic cool, it's just absolutely stupidly ridiculous. It brands her as a cunt for life. I suppose it takes the attention off of her satelite shaped face, which is a

30. As musicians age they turn into celebrity chef loo...
(Glossary / Rules of Modern Life)

...rity chef lookalikes. Bono is becoming Anthony Worrell Thompson Nigel Kennedy is Gary Rhodes and Toyah is Sophie Grigson....