1. SHERLOCK BONES
(Holy News / News)

KATE MOSS BELIEVES MODELS ARE UNDER PRESSURE TO BE THIN

2. A TOTAL CYCLE PATH
(Holy News / News)

WAS LINDSAY LOHAN HIT BY A BICYCLE AT THE WEEKEND OR NOT?

3. IDEAL HOLMES? NO!
(Holy News / News)

GUY RITCHIE INTENDS TO MAKE PLENTY MORE FILMS

4. NEWSMOUND
(Holy News / News)

WHAT'S GOING ON ELSEWHERE ON THE INTERNET?

5. ELEMENTARY MY DEAR WIFE
(Holy News / News)

GUY RITCHIE IS INEXPLICABLY CHOSEN TO DIRECT SHERLOCK HOLMES

6. GET RICH OR FRY TRYIN'
(Holy News / News)

50 CENT DENIES HE SET FIRE TO HIS HOUSE

7. OBLIGATORY SEX TAPE CLIP
(Holy News)

ANYONE KNOWS WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

8. INFLATE ME UP
(Holy News / News)

SARAH HARDING TALKS ABOUT HER BREASTS

9. TAKE A BOW
(Holy News / News)

MADONNA'S NEW MOVIE GOES STRAIGHT TO THE WEB

10. THE SPYING LAME
(Holy News / News)

'BRITAIN'S GOT TALENT' JUDGING IS SECRETLY BUGGED

11. THANK THE LAW
(Holy News / News)

SIENNA MILLER WISHES SHE HAD BEEN FAMOUS BEFORE JUDE LAW

12. DAY 3: I'M A CELEBRITY GET ME OUT OF HERE
(Holy News / Im a Celebrity)

JANICE AND JOHN EAT BUSH SUSHI

13. YOUDUNNIT!
(Holy News / News)

AMY WINEHOUSE'S FATHER POINTS THE FINGER OF BLAME

14. A Whole Lotta Winehouse
(Holy News / News)

Amy Winehouse: Puker of the Caribbean

15. Mr And Mrs Punch
(Holy News / News)

Amy Winehouse and husband appear in public with facial wounds

16. They tried to take Lindsay to rehab, Lo-Lo-Lo
(Holy News / News)

Lindsay Lohan is a drunk, says dad

17. Eamon Holmes
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

He admitted on Radio 2 today that he has a phobia about vomitting. No shit, Sherlock!

18. Gethin Jones
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

...New Years fireworks in London on BBC1: 'You can hear them, you can certainly smell them....' No shit, Sherlock. Tell us once more how loud they are, or how they are 'literally' lighting up the n...

19. GMTV
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

...herd "Tony from Dewsbury says a pack of newly-opened cards" Garraway "Oh thats paper and card" (No shit Sherlock, there's me thinking it was rose petals and napalm) Smith "Lucy from Birmingham ...

20. Konnie Huq:
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

Life is really tough? No shit Sherlock! "I am doing some bits. For example, I am flying to Spain tomorrow to do a thing for GMTV and another thing I can't tell you about," she told Metro. "But it's

21. Sasha Baron Cunt as Sherlock Holmes
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

My arse is already going 5p/10p at the thought of this stinking bucket of cold cunt soup. It could only be worse if Will Farrell "SHOUTING IS FUNNY" was playing Watson. Oh he is.