1. YOU'RE THE ONE THAT I DON'T WANT
(Holy News / News)

RAY QUINN TO STAR IN GREASE

2. SCOUSE PARTY
(Holy News / News)

LIVERPOOL TO HOST 2008 MTV AWARDS

3. California Uber Alles
(Holy News / News)

Jennifer Ellison plans time in LA to get over her violent ex-boyfriend

4. Fiddy Really Going Out With Her?
(Holy News / News)

Fifty Cent and Danielle Lloyd may be an item

5. HM Exclusive: Spice Girls' reunion to be announced tomorrow
(Holy News / News)

Holy Moly! exclusive: The Spice Girls' reunion is to be announced tomorrow, June 22

6. Pot Calls Kettle Black
(Holy News / News)

Danielle Lloyd is even less self-aware that Jodie Marsh

7. Hang Ten (and then shoot the rest)
(Holy News / News)

Exclusive First Look At Big Brother 8 Skate Ramp

8. Danielle Learns Shetty-quette
(Holy News / News)

Shilpa Shetty and Danielle Lloyd meet for the first time after Celebrity Big Brother

9. Danielle Lloyd: Malignant Lump
(Holy News / News)

Scouse glamour model and disgraced Celebrity Big Brother star Danielle Lloyd is relieved after disco

10. WINNER BAKES ALL
(Holy News / News)

WINNER BAKES ALL

11. Lord Have Mersey
(Holy News / News)

Lord Have Mersey

12. Cilla Black
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

Talentless, buck toothed, ginger scouse. "surprise surprise" you're a cunt!

13. Danielle Lloyd
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

...f any intellect and personality then i will definintley spread my legs. You are a little fucking moronic scouse whore and represent all that is wrong with this country. P.S i can do 12 keepe- uppes ...

14. Derek Acorah
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

If the dead wanted to contact us do you really think they would do so via a poncey scouse twat with a 1980's hair do? And why is it that during your "posessions" the invading spirits are always scouse

15. Facebook Scousers
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

For summing up Liverpool's unique mix of fake concern, public displays of grief and violence in the group 'R.I.P. Rhys Jones/Find the scum who killed him'. Also... fuck off to anyone who sends me a '

16. Lampard, Gerrard & Carragher
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

... up. Then you act like cowards, keep schtum, avoid the press and pretend it never happened as the fat scouser fucked up on a grander scale and is stealing all the headlines. You have played it...

17. Liz McLarnon
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

...looks like you are looking into the back of a spoon, I am sick of the sight of you already and your perky scouse 'i carnt beleeeve it'. You won a cookery programme for fucks sake. Just piss off....

18. People who voted for X Factor Ray
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

Why, for fuck's sake? ''Cos he blubbed after singing the Scouse anthem? 'Cos he looks like Eddie Munster? Watch my lips - He. Can't. Fucking. Sing. Quiff wearing little sod.

19. Pete Burns
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

There are a million valid reasons. Pick from: Hideous scouse cunt Plastic freak Famous for, er, fuck all Putty-faced, whining shit-eater Did I mention he''s a pathetic, bitchy, scarred,

20. Ray''s ''You''ll Never Walk Alone'' tear
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

...at. What are you like 16? Well Hillsborough was fucking 17 years ago you drama-school cunt. Does every scouser have a fucking cousin they lost there that day cos fucking hell I''m yet to meet one w...

21. Relatives who buy you biographies
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

..... would you possibly think I'd want to read the "life story" of a jug-eared, pizza faced, thieving pikey scouse, 2 year old cunt like Wayne "Good at football, bad to look at" Rooney. I'm your fuck...

22. Scouse fashion
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

Scouse fashion has always been fairly insular – Ugg boots with juicy tracky bottoms ceases to exist beyond the Liverpool boarder, yet adorned every scouse bird in the centre for a time. This

23. Scousers
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

Lads, you're going to become the European Capital of Culture in a year's time - don't you think it's about time you got round to sorting yourselves out? As an inhabitant of a civilised city, I'd like

24. Scousers
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

Stop wallowing in collective self-pity and do as Boris Johnson suggested - get yourselves jobs.

25. Wayne Rooney
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

Scouse chav with a face like a robbers dog. Score a few more goals or fuck off back to Pikeyville and nicking car steroes, you monkey faced cunt.

26. Baby seal
(Glossary / Sacred Cows)

...to take a chunk out of Anglo-Arab goodwill ambassador heather mills McCartney while she and her cretinous scouse cunt husband were trying to stop you having your head stoved in. Cant say I fucking bl...

27. Beverly Knight
(Glossary / Sacred Cows)

...nts who ''performed'' earlier that evening shuffling nervously in their seats. For slagging off that nazi scouse bird with the cracking bangers. And I well much fancy her. ...

28. Jamie Carragher
(Glossary / Sacred Cows)

Now i will be the first person to tell a dirty scouser what a cunt he or she is, but respect where repect is due. The tackles he was putting in against Barcelona was scaring the shit out of them. Th

29. pistachio is the easiest word to say in a scouse a...
(Glossary / Rules of Modern Life)

pistachio is the easiest word to say in a scouse accent, but also the least likely to be said with a scouse accent

30. The best and funniest word to say in a Scouse acce...
(Glossary / Rules of Modern Life)

The best and funniest word to say in a Scouse accent is 'samosa"