1. MAMA DON'T PREACH
(Holy News / News)

MADONNA CELEBRATES HER 50TH BIRTHDAY

2. WIN TICKETS TO LOOP FESTIVAL IN BRIGHTON
(Holy News / Competition)

TICKETS TO BRIGHTON FESTIVAL UP FOR GRABS

3. HOLY MOLY WORLD EXCLUSIVE: MADONNA TO DIVORCE GUY
(Holy News / News)

Madonna hires McCartney Lawyer to negotiate divorce from Guy Ritchie

4. TO BE SERIOUS FOR A MOMENT...
(Holy News / News)

SCREENWRITER CONFUSED OVER TITLE OF NEXT BOND MOVIE

5. NEWSMOUND
(Holy News / News)

WHAT'S GOING ON ELSEWHERE ON THE INTERNET?

6. GUFFAW YOUR EYES ONLY
(Holy News / News)

DANIEL CRAIG WILL MAKE BOND MORE COMICAL

7. Eau De Madge
(Holy News / News)

Don't visit Madonna's house - you'll come back stinking

8. NEWSMOUND
(Holy News / News)

What's happening elsewhere on the internet?

9. The Name's Winehouse, Amy Winehouse
(Holy News / News)

Amy Winehouse is being courted by producer Barbara Broccoli to appear in the next instalment of Jame

10. Guy Ritchie: Too Busy To Travel
(Holy News / News)

Guy Ritchie: Too Busy To TravelGuy Ritchie claims he was too busy to accompany Madonna on her last t

11. Colin Farrell
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

...yone even offered him a toke on a spliff. And a premature ejaculator to boot. Bet he subsists on evian, broccoli and frequent trips to the gym and sunbed. CUNT...

12. Moulay Ismail (Sultan of Morocco)
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

This self interested Sultan of Morocco 1646-1727 was indeed a cunt for many reasons: slave trading ..especially white Europeans. Slave breeding, slave torture. A despotic barbaric blood-thirsty muslim

13. Overheard domestic arrangements
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

'Babes, you know I don't like broccoli, there are those sugar snaps in the fridge we could have those... ok carrots will be fine, but I don't like them steamed... oh, and did you remember to put the p

14. Sahara The Seal
(Glossary / Sacred Cows)

Washes up in Morrocco. Thousands spent to bring it back to the cold artic waters of Orkney. A few more thousand on a satellite tracking device. Fucker swims 1000 miles in a month and ends up in Sp