1. A TALE OF TWO CITIES
(Holy News / News)

PARIS HILTON LOOKING FOR A NEW BEST FRIEND IN THE UK

2. CAN'T STAND MEOW
(Holy News / News)

PETE DOHERTY ATTEMPTED TO KILL HIS CAT

3. TURTLE POWER!
(Holy News / News)

TURTLE IN AN AMUSING POSITION

4. EWE'S THAT GIRL
(Holy News / News)

MADONNA ANGERS ANIMAL ACTIVISTS OVER SHEEP STUNT

5. Rabbits
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

The 'most abandoned pet' according to the RSPCA. This is because they are absolute cunts. They can't (won't) do any tricks, need a constant supply of fresh food and bedding, shit everywhere, chew

6. RSPCA
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

Because they have failed to notice that a large wounded animal called Adele has been crying out in pain for a while now and should have been Euthanised before she released another single.