1. TWO COME OUT
(Holy News / News)

JODIE MARSH AND HER BREASTS GO TO PREMIERE

2. CARRY ON KATONA
(Holy News / News)

MACKENZIE CROOK SAYS KERRY KATONA COULD BE THE NEW BARBARA WINDSOR

3. WIN 'THREE AND OUT' SOUNDTRACKS, BOOKS, AND CUDDLY TOYS
(Holy News / Competition)

FILM GOODIES UP FOR GRABS

4. WIN AQA BOOKS
(Holy News / Competition)

TEN ANY QUESTION ANSWERED BOOKS FOR GRABS

5. QUOTE OF THE DAY #2
(Holy News / News)

Lowri Turner reveals herself to be even more bigoted than normal

6. Kelvin MacKenzie
(Glossary / Cunts Corner)

Vote for me against David Davies! You'll also be voting for Rupert Murdoch's dick which is firmly stuck up my arse.

7. Kelvin MacKenzie
(Glossary / Sacred Cows)

I'm looking forward to you coming this far North, I've already got my knuckle dusters and steel toecapped boots ready...